End of sorrow part four

Andrew went home that night he felt tense. He felt strage. He felt a thousand different emotion. He went from happy to sad to regret to everything in between. He did not know what to do. He was very divided. 

Could he really move on? Could he forget leane. Did dating abby and mayby even marying her ment that he had to forget leane. He felt like he spent a life time with her. Even though she was gone, he had his memories.  Though he never maried her he felt like he had. If he maried abby, he would have to abandon all of it. Abby would be his wife. He wanted to hold on to his memories of leane. He could not if he maried her.

He was havily divided. He would keep turning in facebook. He kept staring at the pictures of him and abby. He was happy. Even at the Christian rock concert he was happy. He had found memories of that event. He had to turn off the screen. 

He ended up looking at a picture of him and leane. He looled at a photo album of them. It was going to leed into there early days of mariege. Od course that never happened. He felt so sad. He had to give that up as well. 

Abby went to her house. She was so sad. She was in love with him. She had been for a while. She had such a good day. She knew she had pushed so Manny of his buttons.  She realy cared about him. She had no idea what to do now. 

He was afraid to go to church the  next day. He knew he was going to be pummeled with questiones. He figured that he would be asked a milion questions even before he went to the newsboys concert.he would get more questions now. 

He knew that people cared about him. He kept to himself. He did not talk about his feelings but this was the church he had attended sense he was young. They watched him grow up. He wanted to figure this out on his own.

He wanted to figure this out all on his own. He had no idea how to do that. He considered playing hookie. He was teaching an adult high school and there was probably no one who could take over at such short notice. He would go. 

He saw his mom and dad as he went inside.”hi.” he said. “So when do we get to meet abby?” his mom asked.” i am not sure yet. ” he said.”we are looking froward to meeting her. ” his dad told him.

“Well we are just friends.  I am not sure it is going to materialize into anything.  “He said. 

“You dont like her as something more then feiends?”his mom asked.”i dont know. It seams like it is too soon. ” he said. ” we would love to meet her. ” his dad said.

He got a million questiones. From how he met her to does it see it leading to mariege. He did not say much. He dodged as much as he could but answered it a little bit. 

“Andy how was the concert?” pastor davis asked. “Not you too. It was good well the concert not so much.  I enjoyed the conpony. ” he said. 

“You dont to mourn foever. You are young.no one expects you to stay single foever. Its ok to move on. ” the pastor said. “I know that. I envision that one day i will date again. I can even imagine getting maried.  Not now not yet. “He said.

“You only dated leane?”he asked.”yes. I did not plan it that way. Before we knew it we had been a couple basicaly for six years.” he said 

“Are you ok if abby maries someone else? ” he asked.  “I would like to say no but it would brother me. I could probably ajust. ” andrew said. “I would consider that long and hard. ” he said.

He drove home after church.  Of course abby got home at the same time he did. She wore jeens not a skirt.  He did not know if there was any significance to her wardrobe choice. 

“Hello. ” he said “hi andy.did you get a thousand questiones? ” she asked. “And thensome. Did you?”andrew asked. “I did.they arw a bit disturbed that you dont believe in speaking in tounges. They are also disrurbed by your view on eternal secuity. By the way i believe in eternal secuity.” she said. 

“That’s good to know. Otherwise you and i would probably get into a heated debate. ” he told her.  “I could see that. “She said. 

“Well i should be getting inside. “He told her. “Alright. Have a good afternoon.  ” she said.  They went there seperate ways.they went inside there homes. 

He felt prety good most of the day. He loved teaching Sunday school. The sermon in the morning had been very good.  Now he felt agitated. Abby made him feel a thousand different things. 

She loved being with him.when she was with him she did not want to be any where else.now that he was gone she missed him.what was odd was that he was right there.  He was next door. 

She considered texting him.she considered asking him to join her outside. SHe did not do that.she decided that that was not a good idea. She stayed inside.  

She saw him leave for evening service. She waited for him to leave before she got in her car. Then when he was gone she went to her car. She headed off to her church. 

The service went good. He enjoyed the message.  The question about abby persisted.  People wondered when they would get to meet her. He dodged the questions mostly. He was uncomfortable with them but he hid that fact. 

After the service. “So did you talk to abby today?” his mom asked.”briefly. ” he answered.  “Planning any more ccm concerts?”his dad asked. “No i am not. ” he said. Of course he did not plan the last one. “You should bring her to some of our churches function.” she said. “She says she is willing to go. ” he said. “Invite her. Everyone wants to meet her. ” she said. “Perhaps i will. ” he said. 

Abby stayed after church.  She played basketball a bit. She talked to friends in the parking lot. She tried to avoid going home. She wanted to avoid seing him. 

She finaly headed home. She figured he would be long home by now. She just wanted a break. She wanted time to sort all this out. She drove slowly. She was in no hury to get home. She puled in to her drive way. His car was parked. She parked in her spot. 

She got out of the car. She walked to her apartment.  She got inside. She thought to herself that she had made it. She realized how silly she was. 

She was not sure how to proceed.  She really liked him. She wanted to one day marry him. He was clearly not interested right now. She was not sure if he would ever be. She was prety sure that he did not think that he would ever be ready.  She just wanted some time apart from him. 

Right now it looked like nothing was going to happen between those two. Things often changed. Perhaps it would hear. Time would tell. 

End of part four. 

Hospital tears 

Keri brandt had seemed to have it all. She had just completed her freshman year at colege. She was looking froward to summer. She was going to be working ata sumer camp most of the sumer. 

She had some time off before then.her parents and siblings and her were going to go on vacation first.  They were going to rent a cabin in another sate. She was looking froward to spending time with her family. She was not exactly home sick but was happy to see them. 

She knew that going off on her own was part of life.  It was part of growing up. She wanted to enter adult hood but she knew her relationship would her family was enrering a new phase. During this vavation she could reconect. Time could slow down at least for a short time. 

It was a couple weeks after she came home from colege that the family left for vacation.  No one knew that life would never be the same. 

While on the intersate a driver in a semi had a heart attack. He tried to pull over. The semi could not stop on a dime. Keri’s dad was driving the mini van. He tried to clear the van away from the semi. The van was hit. 

The van slid and hit a tree. The kids screamed. How could they not. Keri was knocked unconscious.

She woke up . she felt grogy. She had no idea where she was. For a split seccond she did not know who she was. She then Remember the crash. She saw the iv tubes. She wore a hospital gowan.she got agitated. Alarms went off.

“Kere your ok. Its me its your sister Melissa.  ” she said.A nurse came in. “Your ok keri. ” melisa said. Melissa hugged her sister. 

Melissa was four years older then keri. Melisa was maried and had a child. She was called and raced hear. Melissa calmed her down. 

“I remember a car crash.”keri said.”you have a gash on your head.we gave you a few sitches. You have some sitches on your knee. Your going to be fine. You will be sore for a while.  Like i said you will be fine. ” the nurse said. 

“How is everyone else?” keri asked.”tracy got some scrapes and bruses. She is ok.  Kevin has a broken arm but other wise he is fine. Victoria and Katherine have some scrapes and darin has a broken leg. ” the nurse said. 

“What about mom and dad?” keri asked. Neither the nurse nor Melissa wanted to tell her. Melisa and the nurse talked non verbally.  Finaly melisa felt like she had clearence to tell her the truth.  Keri knew something was up.  

“Kere mom and dad did not make it. They were killed almost instently. Im so sory. ” Melissa said. Keri tried to fight back the tears. It was a losing battle. She eventually gave up. Keri and melisa huged. 

“I am realy sory. If there is anything you. Need. Please tell me. We have a very good pastoral staf. I can get them if they you need them. ” the nurse said.  

Keri was kept for observation but was allowed to leave the next day. She changed from the hospital gowan to a black shirt ,gray skirt and flip flops. She was whealed to the front.  She met up with her siblings. 

They drove home. It took a few hours to get home. Melissa and keri took turns driving. ” look i will do whatever i can to help out. Don and the babby will come up once we work out the details for the funeral. We will have to be work out mom and dads esate. We will have to figure things out with the kids. ” Melissa said.

They went home. They all were tired.the youngest kids went to bed.darrin was 14 years old. Kathrine was eught,victoria six kevin was four and Tracy was two. 

After a while the door rang. She answered it. It was tim. Tim was a friend of keri at colege. “What are you doing hear?’keri asked. “I wanted to check up on you. I am so sorry.  ” tim said 

She gave him a hug. He held on to her. They were not boyfriend and girlfriend. They had never been. They were friends. He wanted it to be more. He never felt free to do that. 

He let cry for a bit. She leened into her soulder. They said almost nothing for twenty minutes or so.”i am so glad that you are hear. “She said. “Your not alone keri.”tim said. “Thanks”  he said. 

After the funeral, big decisions had to be made.  The house was willed to Melissa.  Melissa and don rented an apartment.  Don worked at a compony as a mid level manager. Don could transfer to the branch in the city where the house was.

It was decided that Melissa and the baby would go to the new house. Don would see them over the weekend until the transfer went though. 

Melisa and keri would raise the little kids . keri would transfer to a cominity colege near the house. She and tim kept in contact. Tim checked up on her as much as he could.  

Evenualy tim graduated from colege and moved closer to them.  They got together. They got maried and moved near the home.  They helped raise the kids. They had children of there own.

Tim helped her get though the greef she was going though.he did everything he could to help. It was not perfect but they made it work. 

The end.

Panic attack part five 

Jack could not figure kristin out. One minute she seamed to want nothing to do with him. The next,she seamed to be realy interested in talking to him. He did not get it. He found himself a bit weary with the whole thing. He was fine with her not being a part of his life.he had been interested in her. It was a fleeting moment. Perhaps that was all it was. 

It was a smal church. He was bound to run into her. It was just how it was.  It was hard to keep constently seing her. It was a reminder of what could have been but never was. He did not want that. 

 He kept himself buisy. He worked at a grocery store . he also was the unoficial assistent pastor. He went with his dad doing visitation. He went to nursing homes and hospitals. He preached, taught Sunday school and headed up the youth program. He wanted to eventualy go into the pastorate. 

He had completed his shift and headed home. He went back to his house. His cell phone off. “Helo this is jack rayburn.” he said. “Helo jack this is diane greener.  ” she said.

His heart sank. He developed a large lump in his stomich. He had no idea what was going on. “Hello mrs grener how are you?”he asked.”i am fine thank you. We would like to invite you to dinner. “She said. 

He was shocked by this.  He was not expecting this. “I would love to. “He said. “I would like to sit down and discus something with you first. “She said. “Ok. Sure”he said. “Can you be hear at 4:30?”she asked. “Of course. “He said. 

“Excellent! “She said. “I will see you then.”he said. “I look froward to it. “Mrs. Grener said.then the conversation ended. 

He was really nervous. He put on a blue polo shirt and brown pants. He made sure he looked perfect. 

“So do you know why she invited you to dinner?” mrs rayburn asked.”no i am not sure.  “He said. “Nervous?” the pastor asked. “Very much so. I will be ok i hope. ” he said. “It will be fine.” his dad said. 

He got into his car. He headed to the home of the greners. He tried not to be nervous. He tried to stay calm. He found he was a slightly afraid of mrs grener. He was not totaly sure why but he knew he was. 

He arived at her house. He parked the car. He took a deep breath then excited the vehicle. He walked up to the door. Mrs. Grener was there to greet him. 

She invited him inside. They walked to a siting room. She invited him to sit. “My daughter kristin is intetested in being involved in a courtship with you. “Mrs. Grener said. 

He was a bit surprised.  At the same time he was not. He detected signals that she liked him. He also got signals that she did not. He found it all a bit confusing. “I see. “He said as he took a sip of cofee.

“Are you interested in such a relationship? “Diane asked. “Yes i am interested in a courtship with her. “He said. “I had suspected that you would be. There are some things i need to discus with you first. She wants to talk to you about this more extensively.  She would like to explain things to you in further detail. “She said. 

“I see.  ” he said. “A few years ago, my husband and kristin were in a car . a drunk driver rammed into them. My husband was killed almost instantly.  Kristin was badly injured. She was im a coma for a few months.  It was a duficult convolesence to say the least. The physical scars have for the most part have healed but the enotional scars have not.  She has been diagnosed with anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder . She is prone to panic attacks. “She said. 

He had no idea. No one knew what happened to mr. Grener. They did not think that she was divorced. She apeared to be very conservitive. They dressed modestly and acted in a behavior consistent with independent fundamental baptist. No one wanted to ask. 

It all made sense now. It seemed that one minute kristin was full speed ahead. Then she was just gone. The truth was that that was exactly what was going on. He had misjudged her. He felt really bad about that. 

“It has been difficult for her. She does like you. I will understand if you are not wiling to persue this knowing what i have told you. Are you still interested? “She asked. 

“Yes i am stil interested.”he answered.  “Good i had hoped you would be. There are a few stipulations i need to discuss. “Mrs.grener said. “Of course.” he said. 

“If you call her and she does not answer leave a voice mail then wait for her to call back. Dont keep calling. She might need time to herself. She will get back to you when she can. Just wait for her.can you do this?” she asked.  

“Yes i can. I will adhere to that. “He told her. “Good. I am glad to hear that. I am sory to rake you over the proverbial coals. I wory about Kristen.  I just want to see to her well being as much as it is in my power. ” she told her. 

“I definently understand that. “He told her mother.  “This wont be easy. I know i am asking you alot. I feel i have to. I must say i am very impressed with you. You are a hard worker with a good work ethic. You are a leader in the church. You have a good reputation. There is evidence that God had his hand on you. I believe that you could one day be my son in law. I am very suportive of this. “She told him. 

“I would love for that to be the case.”he told her. “As would i. Well dinner should be just about ready. Shal we?” she asked. “Of course. “He said. 

He folowed mrs. Grener into the dining room.  He was a bit nervous but tried to ignore it. He was excited at the same time. He had backed away from her as a defense but now he did not have to. Now he could get to know her. He was excited about that. 

The table was ready. He saw kristin.she smiled at him. He smiled back. He went over to her. “Hi there.  “He said. She smiled. They went to the table. She sat next to him. 

“Hi ! I am so glad that you came. “She told her. “I am glad i am hear as well. “He told her.they all sat down. 

End of part four 

Prison tears 

It was so surreal. On day she was waking up her daughter.taking her to the sisters. She was at her job as office administrator. Now she had traced her pants suits for a orange jumop suit. Her bracelet were exchanged for shakes. Her apartment was now a cell. 

Her old life seemed to be a distent memory. Area days ago was not a life time ago. She felt like she had woken up in a parallel universe. She only wished she would wake up back in that other world.in that other life. She closed her eyes. She opened them. She was still there.notging had changed. It seemed nothing was going to change. This was the new normal. This was how it was. 

She already missed her daughter.she missed her sister. She missed her co workers.she had been quiet. She was private. She did not part-time have a sociallife.u less you counted Netflix.noe she was hear. 

She refused to cry.she would be strong.she would be stoic. Nothing was going to get her down. She was going to be brave.she would not be conquered by this. She wore the jump suit. She was barefoot.

For a time she laid on the bunk.she stared at the ceiling. She lived numbers. She counted the tiles.She loved to write things down.she wished she had anotebook. Paper was not permitted.notging was. Just her. She was hear alone.

She never minded solitude. She welcomed it. She wished she could have a book ,paper something.she read the various signs aorund the cell. That provided a little but if activity.it only lasted for a little bit. That bit old. She got bord  with that.

She tried to stay calm. She tried not to vostir crazy. How could shenot. It made no sense. She had a million thoughts.she had trouble processing it all. She wanted to write. That was not going to happen. 

A tear started to develop. It went down her face. She whiped it away. She then felt another.then several. She gave in. She let the tears come. Her stoism started to fade. She started to let herself fell what she felt. Her feelings were cominng to the service. Once they started they flooded.she let it. 

After a while she felt OK. She wiped her tears. She was OK for now.she was able to focus now. She felt slightly better. 

End