Panic attack part 17

Jack and Kristen had become closer and closer over time.  Despite a difficult beginning, things were definently changing for them. They were developing a close bond. 

Jack was a frequent guests at her house and she waa a frequent guest at his. Her mom suported the relarionship but found it out to see her grow up.  She had trouble with her spending more and more time with him. He was becoming her suport system.  

Jack and her mom had talked things out. Things had inporoved with them.diane was slowly becoming more supportive of the relationship. 

Kristin was growing closer to his parents as well. Diane and the family were becoming more a part of the church as well. 

They had been together for two mounths now.  There relationship seemed to be in a very good place. Both were happy and content. 

Kristin had a doctors appointment a few days after there two mounth aniversry. It was prety routine .she had goten used to these. She was not expecting anything earth shatering to occur but perhaps she should have..

She had her useal physical. The dr had some reedings takon.the doctor then came out. “Kristin, i need to perscribe some new medications.  “The doctor said. “Ok” she said. 

“With these medication,you wont be able to drive.  I am aftaid i will need to take your lisence.” he said. “Is this medication necessary?” she asked. “I really do kristin.i know this is not what you want to hear. ” the doctor said. “No it is really not.  ” she said. 

She took a few minutes. She called jack. “Hi hunnie! ” he said.”jack they pulled ny lisence!” she said. “What happened? ” he asked.  “I have been prescribed mrdication that inpairs the ability to drive. My wings have been clipped. ” she said.

“I am so sorry. ” he said. ” look. Can you get one of your sisters ot brothers to drive you hear and drive my car home. If you cant its ok. I can call my mom.” kristin said.

“No i will be right there. Just give me a few minutes and i will be right there. ” he said. “Thank you so much..”kristin said. “Look we will get though this together ok?” he remarked. “Ok” she said. 

He got his sister to drive with him.he went to the doctors office.  She waited for him. He ran to her. She grabed on to him. He held her for a few minutes. She started to cry. 

“I know it does not feel it but it will be ok. ” he said. “I know it will. It just does not feel that way right now. I just feel lost. things were finaly starting to look up.” she said. 

he drove her home. “Look can we hanng out or something. I need a distraction?” she asked.  “Yea i need to drive marissa home. ” he said. “I will tell my mom.” she said.

She went to her mom. “Jack and i are going to go out for a bit.i need to get away and clear my head. ” Kristin said. “Are you ok kris?” diane asked. “No but i am  ok enough. ” she told him. ” she said.

Diane hugged her. “I worry about you kriss. ” her mom told her. “I know you do. I am hurt and heartbroken. .i know i can get though it. ” she said. “Ok. Have a good job with jack.”she said.”thanks. ” she said.kristin hugged her mom.

Kristin, jack and marissa went to there house in jack’s car. They droppes marisa off. “Where do you go when your sad and want to cheer up? “She asked.

“I know just the place!” he said in a glee full tone. “I am a little concerned. Should i be? “Kristin asked. “Mayby a little. ” he said.

They pulled up to a burger soveregn. ” burger sovereng really?” she said. “This is how i destresify. They have amazing shakes” he told her. “I could like a milk shake. You know my mom baned us from going to fast food.” she said. 

“Oh no! Will taking you hear put me in the dog house with your mom?” he asked.  “It might. Why not. I always like to do things i have never done before. They make good milk shakes?” she asked. “They are great. I promise. ” he said. 

He parked.  They got out. They held hands. “Can you get me the bigest milk shake they have.i might let you have some. ” she said. 

“Ok. ” he said. “I feel weird being hear. Its is like being in a bar. ” she said. “Your comparing burger sovereign to a bar? ” he asked.  ” it was the most apt comparison i could think off. ” kristin said.

He ordered a burger and fries. She just wanted a milk shake and got some chicken nugets. They sat down at the table. 

“Thank you for this! “Kristin said. “No problem.  ” he said.”wow. This is great! ” she said. “I told you!” he said. She laughed. 

“I could not wait to drive. The minute i turned 16, i begged my dad to teach me to drive.  He was so patcient with me. I was so excited when i got my license.  When i woke up from the coma it took me a while to get it back.my mom was skidish about me driving but i loved just driving. That was when i discovered the spot. I felt so free. I could forget about everything that was going on. Now i gues i wont be able to. ” she said. 

“Well i enjoy driving.  Give me a call and we can take a drive. I know that it wont be the same but i am sure it can help. ” he said. “It wont be the same but it will be fine. ” she said.

“Was your mom ok with you going with me?” he asked. “Yes she was. She wants me to come to her with stuff. I know she cares about her. She worriers about me. I want to be sad. I want to deal with it. I want you to be with you. Your good madicine jack. “She said.

“I am glad.  I dont always have the answers. Sometimes all i can do is listen, give you a big hug and be there. ” he said. “I am ok with that. I dont need you to solve my problems. I just need to know you care. I know you do. I dont doubt that.  ” she said. 

“Are you ok krissy?” he asked. “No but yes. I know it will get easier in time. I know it is not the end of time. It is hard but i will be alright. ” she said.

“How is your shake?” he asked. “Amazing. I cant believe i have never had it before. I cant believe what i have been missing. ” she said. 

After a while they decided to leave. They walked out hand in hand. “Thank you for tonight.  Just having you hear makes it easier. I feel like i am stuck.  I just cant get pass that night.  I can never fully move on. I get so close but then i am pulled back in.” she said 

He hugged her. She cried on his shoulders.  He squezed her tightly. She held on to him. “Its ok. I got you! I am not going to leave you krissy! I love you. ” he said.

“I love you jack! You always going to be there for me? ” she asked. “As long as i have breath, definently. ” he said. She smiled. 

“I am not letting you get away. Not without a fight. ” she said. “I have no intention of leaving. That day is not going to define you. It has a lasting legacy for sure. It is not your end. It bateted you but it not destroy you. Your are blodied but stronger. ” he said. She held on him for a bit.

They got in the car. They went to there spot in the woods. They stood for a bit. ” i love this spot! We are going to show our kids this spot?” she remarked. “Absolutely.  ” he said.

“I hope they love it like we do. ” she said. “I think they will. ” he said. ” i needed to just cry things out. ” she said. “Thats fine. You dont have to be strong in front of me.  Be yoursf. Cry if you need to. Im hear for you always. ” he said.

“I dont doubt that. ” she said. He held on to her. They drove back to her house. “I had a good night despite the day. You do good cheering me up. ” she told her. “I am glad . i want to do for you. ” he said. 

“I know you will. You did really good tonight.Thank you. ” she said. He hugged her. He escorted her to the door.

She went to see her mom. “Mom. I love jack.  He is such a sweet and gentlemen.  He has been great. I will not need you mom. I know you worry about me. I will be ok. Its hard but i can make it. ” she said. 

“I do wory about you. You may habe been a dadys girl but you are still my dsughter. I will never get over how close i lost you. ” diane said. Kristin started crying.

“It is hard to see you grownup. It is hard to see you getting ready to move on. I know some day sooner then i want you will be leaving me and cleving to jack.  Your handiling this different tonight. ” diane said. 

“Mom i do stil need you. That wont change. ” she said.” i will ne there for you whenever you need me. I promise. ” diane said. They hugged.

End of part 17.

Next up.

Kristin adjust to life without driving. Diane wories she is sliping in depression while jack plans a big day for her. 
 

Panic attack part 16

Previously on picnic attack.

Jack and kristin breiefly broke up.after some time apart,they decided to get back together.  

Despite there previus dificulties,things had started to go well for them. They were starting to figure out how to relate to each other. Things were shaping up for them.

They began to really get to know each orther. They started to move beyound the superficial. At the same time they began to unite spritually.  They did devotions together. They prayed together. They became very close. 

She started to trust him more and more. She started to confide in her more and more. She opened up. She let go of her fears. She allowed herself to be vanerable around him. She gave up a lot of her insicurity and bariers that kept him out. 

Everyone one noticed that they were verry Different from before.  They were very sweet together.  People at church liked watching them. 

 They had a lot of fans. Not everyone was quite as happy about it. Kristin’s mom strugled with it.  She loved all of her daughters.  She lost her husband but The lord spared kristin.  She hated watching her in a coma then strugling to relearn everything. She woried about her. She wanted to protect her. She did not meen to but sometimes took it too far.

It was not just because of all she went though. It was hard to see grow upm it was hard to see her go on her own.the closer she got to jack,  the more she feared she no longer needed her. She wanted kristin to turn to her. That was just not hapening as much any more.

She did not want to admit it but she was a bit releved when kristin ams jack broke up. She knew some day ,she would go off on her own. Mayby her mom would get more time time with kristin.  

Then they got back together. Now there bound was even stronger.  She began to see that this relationship might last longer then she expected. She was happy for her but it was still hard. 

Kristin was growing up. She waa getting ready to go out on her own. It was how it was to be. She was changing.  

Ktistin’s cell phone rang. She answered the phone. “Hi. ” she said. “Hello krissy.Tomorrow marks our one mounth anniversary.  ” he said. “Are you one of those who wants to commemorate every milestone including the first time one of us sneezed in front of the orther?” kristin asked.

“Well Mayby not every milestone!  This is a big one. I was wondering if you wanted to go out to eat with me. It ocured to me our dates were usually at one of our houses but we have never gone out. I thought we could go out to celebrate just you and me. ” he suggested. 

“It is a date date?” she commented. “There is no reason we did not do it erlier. I just did not think of it. ” he said.

“I love it. I love that idea. ” she said.  “How about thirsday night?” he suggested.  “Thats a great idea. I can go for that. ” she responded. “Awsome.can i pick you up at 4:00?” he asked.  “Sounds really good.” she said. 

“I cant wait to see you. I am realy excited for this!” she said. “I am too. I think this will be good. ” he said. “I think so too.” she said. 

“So your going out today?” her mom asked. “Yes. We are going to celebrate our mounth anniversary.  “She said.

“Do you think mayby you two are spending too much time together?  “Her mom asked.  “I had not really thought about that. It is. Spceical occasion.  “Kristin said.

“You two might be moving too fast. This is your first relationship sense the accident. I just think you two should slow down a bit. ” her mom said.

“We dont spend that much together.  We both keep prety buisy. We enjoy each others compony. ” kristin said 

“I know. I am just concerned that you are setting yourself up for a fall. I am not sure he totaly understands what he is getting into. I am not sure you understand all that goes on with you.” she said.

“I know that. I am sure i do not totaly understand all that goes on. I really like him. Every day i realize just how much. I understand what yoir saying.i know we both have to be careful.i think i am ready for a relationship. “She told him. 

“I just dont know kris. I thought you were. You may not be and thats ok. “She said. “Do you think i should not see him?” kristin asked. “No but you might want to pull back a bit. Take a step back. That is all i am saying.” her mom said. 

“Mom. I understand what you are syaing. I really do but when i am with him i feel like i am me again. Not tottaly. I dont know of i can ever be that person i was before the crash. I like being with him. I know he feels the same way. ” she said. 

“Just be carefull ok?” diane said.”i will mom. ” she said. Diane chuckled. “Ok!”she said. She gave her mom a hug. 

She spent quite a while getting ready. She put on a pink sweter and white and pink skirt. She braided her hair.  She was excited for this. She suspected he was well. 

He was always early. It was usualy a few minutes earley. She had learned that fairly early on in there relationship.  Sure enough there he was. 

She walked outside and walked down the stairs. She got into the pasinger seat. He smiled at her. He wore a polo shirt and tan pants. She smiled back.  “I got you flowers. “He said. “Those are beutifull thank you. ” she said. 

They went to a resturant. They were seated. ” you know i have never been on a date like this. “She said. “No i have not either. “Jack said. “Did you date at all in high school?”she asked.”no i was home schooled. I did not know manny girls my age. I imagine that i would have not been alowed to date but it never came up as an issue. “He said.

“I had a couple of boyfreinds but nothing too serious.  At the time i thought it was. “She said. He chuckled.

“Were you boy crazy in high school?” he asked in a playfull tone. “Perhaps a bitt. ” she admitted. ” i see. ” he said. “I am not anymore.  Except for one guy. ” she said. 

“That’s me right not lester cole?” he asked. “Yes silly. Thats you. ” she said.”good. I am just making sure.” he said. 

“So. When we got back together, you talked abour marriage as if it was a fata complee. Is that how you fell? Do you see us getting married lord wiling?” she asked.

“I do. I beleve the lord has brought us together.  Until we say i do, i gues i cannot be totaly sure. I am fairly confident yes. Do you feel the same way?” he asked. 

“I do. I very much do.i have fun with you. Its more then that.  I like being around you. I feel safe around you. ” she said.

“I am very glad to hear that. That is what i want.  I very much want you to feel safe. ” he said. ” i know that. I have never doubted that. ” she told him. 

After dinner they went for a drive.”look jack, i cant promise you that the way i am will change. I might always be this way. I might get worse. ” she said.

“I may not be prepared for that. I know i might not be. I am ready to commit to you no matter what. “He told her.

“I just wanted to make sure you did it. It is not going to be easy. ” she told her.”the importent things never are.i know that this may be harder then either of us can posibly understand. I beleve that you are worth it. I know you are. ” he said. 

She smiled.  “Ok. “She said. He smilled at her. He had a different smile just for her. She was sure he knew that but she knew he did. She loved it. 

They  went to het spot for a while. “Do you feel that we are moving too fast?” she asked. “I dont know. Do you feel we are?” he asked. “My mom is concerned that we might be.”she said.”i have never done this before. I dont have anything to base it on. My parents were part of a prayer group at college.  They ended up spending more time together. They hung out for a couple mounths before they got together officially.  ” he said.

“My dad was my mom’s tax guy. My mom asked her parents who to use for a tax perperer. They recomended my dad..two years later they were maried. ” she said. “Wow. My moms mom went to the misson field beleving she would be single all her life.  She actually told my grandfather she thought she would go unmaried. My grandfarther told her he was prety sure would be maried. He perposed a year later. ” he said.

“I gues there are no rulles.” she said. “Look krissy if you want some time to yourself thats fine. I would ask that we keep the lines of communication open. ” he told her. 

“Ok. I dont feel we need to take that step just yet. I never want to not have lines of cominication. I agree.  “She said.”i really do want to marry you. I hope the lord does permit that. ” he said.”i do too.” she said. 

They drove to there favorate spot then he brought her home. “I had a really good time tonight!” she told him. He smiled. “I did too. ” he said.

He hugged her. She held on to him for a minute. She kissed him on the forehead. They said there goodbyes.she went inside. 

She realized that day how much she carred about him.she was starting to realize just how much she did care about him. 

End of part six

Next up

Things go well for kristin and jack. Then kristin is put  stronger medication. That provides some complications. 

End of sorrow part 12

Previously on end of sorrow. 

Abby and Andrew have had a long dificult road. Andrew lost his fiancée a few years back. Abby reached out to him. The two became friends. They eventualy decided to date. It has been a dificult courtship.  

Andrew has never been able to let go of leah. Abby has tried to be patient. It would not be easy. 

Andrew had gone to see Leah’s parrents. He did not ask for permision but did imply it. He did not tell abby. Abby found out after the fact.  It caused some conflict. 

Abby wanted some time to herself. She put on k kove. She sat on the couch thinking for a while.  She was so confused. She really did care about him. She was just weary by the whole thing. 

She wished that he would fully embrace her. He wished he would just leave leane behind. It was time to mobe pass her. He couldn’t.  He would not. He was stuck and so was she. 

He went home feeling weary himself.he regreted what hapened. He ment no ofense. Mayby he had given too much thought to how clark and jacky thought and not enough of what she thought. He did not want to hurt her. He seemed to keep messing up when he came to her. He just could not seem to get it right.

It was gawing at him..intellectually he loved her more then he could describe. He had a terrible time showing it. He knew that.  He was messing up royalty. He could not seem to turn it around.  

He was faling in love with abby. She could not see it. She was right. He was not  being fair to her. He knew that. He knew it he kept things up at the rate he was going, he was about to loose her. He did not want that.  He did care about her. He did want to spend the rest of his life with her. Would he be able to get her to trust him in time? Right now it was not looking good. 

He had trouble getting to sleep that night. He got the feeling he had lost her and just did not know it. Either that or was unwiling to accept it. He finaly did get to sleep.

She cried herself to sleep that night. Why did she have to fall asleep with basically a widower.  If only she had not approached him. She had to be bubly abby. She had to be the friendly neighbor. It hot her hear. In love with someone who could not or would not commit to her.  

He had work quite early that day. He had cofee then headed off. He did not see her before he before he left. That was somewhat intentional. He wanted to give her her space.  

She was glad that he did not contact her. She wanted her space.  Not foever but for a little bit. She did like him. She wanted to be with him but she wanted some time apart. Not alot but a little. 

She showered.  She got ready for her day. There was a knock at her door. She opened it. To her suprise,it was pastor jeff ball and his wife wendy. 

“Hi. Come on in. ” abby said..they went to the couch. They sat down. He vot cofee for them. “We wanted to say hello.we  know your primary church is the penticostal church. You have been comming regularly  on wendsday and sunday night.  We wanted you to know that you are an importent part of the church. I dont want to step on the toes of the leadership at faith penticostal assambly but if you need anything from me or my wife please get in touch with us.”the pastor said.

“Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. That meens so very much. Everyone at the church has been great. ” she said.

“We are glad to hear that. “Wendy ball said. “Everyone is really glad you have been comming. ” the pastor said. “I have really enjoyed it. It is different from what i am used to but i do like it.” abby said. “Oh good. ” pastor ball said. 

“As i said, we are very glad that you are hear. “He said. “I am glad of that. “She said. “We are really pleased that you and andrew are together. You make a cute couple. “Wendy said.

She smiled. “I think so too. I really like him.”she told them. “We can tell. “The pastor said. “It is nice to see him smiling again. He is slowly beccoming himself again. “Wendy said. 

“I have noticed he is comming out of his shell. I did not know the old him but i have seen a difference. “She said.

“When i took over as pastor, he was a teeneger. We see saw him grow up. He was on the pastoral tract and after leane died,he shut down..he withdrew.  Now he is comming back. “Jeff said. “I can see that. I am glad of that. “Abby said. 

“The lord has always had his hold on his life. I beleved that the lord had a plan for him. It was too bad that he sat on the sidelines as long as he did. He does seem to be back. You might know that i might have to take a few mounths off. He might take over for me for a while. ” pastor ball said.

“He mentoned that. ” she said. “I hope he does go into the pastorate. I am doing all i can to encourage that. ” the pastor said. “As am i.” she said. 

“So. Do you think that you two might consider marriage in the furure?” wendy ball asked. “We have not seriously talked about it yet. We have discused it in general terms. I am definently supportive of that.  I would like to see us get maried one day. “She told them. 

“We would like to see that as well. ” pastor ball said. She smiled. Abby found everyone at the church to be very friendly. She and wendy ball would become very close. She made several connections with ladies at gospel Baptist church.  Wendy was one of her closest friendships. 

She had a good visit with the balls.she liked both the pastor and his wife. She was really glad that they came by.she was glad to visit them without andrew. She was glad to have some one on one time with them. 

She knew that she was becoming intertwined with andrew. She wanted that. She was having doubts.  She did not know how to handle it. 

She could not totaly blame andrew. Losing a loved one was devisating. He behaved like most would.  It was time to move on. She was growing weary. She was not sure that she could stick with this. She did want to. 

He got home from work in late afternoon. Her car was gone. He assumed she was at the flower shop. He was not sure what her schedule was for the day.  

He went inside. He was glad to be home. He had dinner. He had a good day at work but was glad to be home.he decided to go to the room he used as an office. He looked though some old surmons. He wanted to get some ideas. He was not one to repeat old surmons. He was hoping to het his juices flowing. 

He saw a surmon he never preached. He was suposed to preach the sunday morning that ended up being two days after leane died. Pastor ball ended up preaching that sunday instead. He was suposed to cabidate for a pastorate two sundays later. He cancelled that service and witndrew from consdieration. He had foregottem all of that.  He started having a panic attack.  So he put the message back in the file cabinent and closed the lid. 

He saw abby pul in. He ran outside. He hugged her. She saw him shaking. She grabbed on to him. 

They went over to the porch. They sat down on a swing on the porch. “I was looking at old surmons.  Trying to get some inspiration. I forgot that the sunday after ,well you know, i was suposed to preach. I could not do it. I had totaly forgotten about that. I found the surmon i was going to preach. It brought everything back. There is more.  I was suposed to canidate at a church two weeks after. I withdrew from consideration.  I shut down abb. I did use my greef as a cruch. I was in a funk.  I did not realize. ” he said. 

She put her arm around him. She rubbed his back. “Its going to be ok. You will get though this. ” she said. “I know.  It all hit me. ” he said. “It was bound to. ” she said. 

“I am ok now. It just really got to me.”he said.”its understandable babe. I love you so much. I am hear for her. I am not going anywhere i promise. “She said. 

Pastor ball decided to go with his wife to care for his mother in  Law. It was decided that he would leave in three weeks. That would give him time to prepare.

 “Look abby. I am very sory about not putting you first. I have alotof work to do.”he admitted.  “I forgive you. Thank you for comming to me the other day. I want to be there for you.  While your subing for.pastor ball. I am hear for you. I will pray for you not in tounges! Whatever you need ak. If yoi dont i will kick your but” she said.They laughed.he said ok. 

End of part 12.

Next up

Andrew geta ready to aub for pastor ball..andrew and abby grow closer together.  

End of sorrow part six

Andrew lost his fiancé two years ago. He was still not over her. Then he got a new neighbor.  A bubbly outgoing penticoastal girl named abby. Abby is determined to bringing andrew out if his doldrums.  It was proving harder then she anticipated. 

For a time she decided to back off. She gave him some space.  She invited herself to a picnic at his church. Now they were headed to her church for the saterday evening church. 

“I am not going to melt or spontaneously combust am i?” andrew asked. “You never know. There is this weird stain in the lobby.  No on wants to talk about it!” she said. “Funny! ” he said. “You will be fine. ” she assured him. 

He parked the car. They excited the car. At some point in the walk up they started to hold hands. It was unclear who inciated it. Abby realized they were holding hands again. She decided to conduct an experiment.  She took her hand out of his. He took her hand back.her heart started to pound. He smiled at her in a way she had never seen him smile before. 

He held the door for her. A couple friends came up to them. ” so you really excist!” her friend james remarked. “Was my existence in question? ” he asked. They laughed.”a little. ” april said.   He laughed.  “I do exist! ” he said. They laughed.

They walked in. They sat down. Abby was getting woried. Everytime they had a breakthough he withdrew. She was not sure he was really ready to fully embrace her. He had gotten swept up into the moment. She feared he would panic and withdraw again. She was nervous.

Mayby this was a bad idea.mayby she had gotten swept up in the moment. She had to stop herself from panicking.  

“You got qiet all of a sudden. You ok?” he asked.  “Yea im fine. ” she said. “Just making sure.  ” he said. 

During the worship time abby sang and danced and raised her hands. Every once in a while she whispered to him asking him how he was doing. He said he was fine. He laughed. 

After the service they mingled quite a bit. Eventually they made it to the parking lot. They went to the car.”what did you think?” she asked. “The preaching was good. Not quite as good as my pastor but it was  good. ” he said.

They went to the car. They got into the vehicle.  “I am really glad you came! ” she said smiling. “I am glad i did too. ” he told her. The car headed to there street. 

They talked for a bit on the steps.”i had a good day with you!” he told her. “I had a good day with you. ” she said.  They said there goodbyes. She went inside. 

She felt anxious.  She did have a good day. It was amazing.  She feared that he really was not ready.the shadow of liane lingered. Mayby she should just walk away. She did not want to. 

 She was falling in love with him. He was who she wanted to be with for the rest of her life.  He might never be there.  Liane had become larger then life. She started to take on Mythological proportion.  Abby could not hope to compete with a legend. 

She started to cry. She had no idea what to do. She believed that the lord was bringing them together. It made sense. She hoped That he could move on. This was harder then she ever could have imagined. 

Later that week, andrew got a phone call. “Hi mom!” he said. “Andrew i wanted to talk to you about something! ” she said. “Oh?” he said.

“Abbygail really likes you. ” his mom said.”i know she does. I think the world of her. She is a spitfire but she is a sweetheart.  ” he said. “Andrew. I dont think you understand. ” she said. “What do you meen?” he said.

“She really likes you. I think she thinks that you and her might have a future togerher. A lasting one. “She said. “I see. Are you sure?” he asked. “Yes i am.” she said.

“Did she tell you that?” he asked. “No. She did not have to. Look i know liane’s death was hard on you. It breaks my heart that you have to go though this. You have had to deal with things no one should have to at your age. Abby has feelings too. Do not hurt that girl andrew! If you cant give her your heart or you dont want her, tell her.  Saver all ties now. She wont like it but she will get over it. Do not string her along. Dont make her wait foever for you if you cant commit. Do not do it! ” she admonished him. 

“You think im stringing her along?” andy asked. “Not intentionally  but that is the result never the less. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. “She told him. ” i know that.  ” he said. “Do not hurt her.either be in it or be out. Do not try to ride the fence. ” she said.

“You think that is what i am doing?” he asked.  “I do. I know why but its not fair to her. “She said “i had not thought of it in these terms.” he said.

“Your under the impreson that she will wait for you forever but she may not. Some penticostal may scoop her up. She wont wait foever. She may want to and plan to. If you keep rebuffing her and someone else comes in. She still go with him. She just will.if you keep on this road you will lose her. You will. I gurente it. I would really think about this. I would decide now. She wont wait not foever. ” she said. 

He knew she was right . he had not condidered any of it. He did not consider her leaving him and moving on to be a real posibility. His moms words were like a splash of cold watter on his face while sleeping. He did not know what to do. Could he say goodbye to her foever? Could he fully embrace her.he just did not know. 

End of part six. 

Next up 

Andy sits down with abby for a heart to heart.  

The wedding party

Mat’s sister tracy was getting married.  There dad died a few years earlier. The job of giving away the bride fell to matt. It was hard for everyone in the family. There dad had been larger then life. His absence was felt. They were independent fundamental Baptist and they were confident that he was in the presence of the lord. The upcoming wedding made his absence felt even more. 

Everyone was excited for tracy. Mat felt that it was his responsibility to make sure that the wedding was everything she dreamed it to be. He felt that he was his dad’s stand in. He took that duty very seriously. He wanted tracy to have a wedding she would never forget.  

Matt had attended an independent baptist church. When his farther died unexpectedly, he took over the pastoral duties of the church. The church eventually voted him in as pastor. This kept him buisy. 

This week he took week off to get ready for the wedding.  An old pastor would aficiate. 

Friday 

Seven days before the wedding.  

“Hey! Steve wants me to come with her when he takes his parrents and grand parents out for dinner tomorrow.  Can you pick up amber at the airport? “Tracy asked. “Yea sure.  Is she going to be slain in the sprit on the ride back?” he asked. 

“I have no idea. With her you never can tell. ” tracy said. “That i know.  “He answered.  

Amber was tracy’s best friend .they met while they worked at a restaurant one summer. They had it off despite differences.  Tracy was an independent fundamental Baptist and amber was penticostal. She was the only other christian there. They had become close friends. 

Amber had been thriled when tracy asked her to be her maid of honor.  She moved to the west coast for colege. She went to work for the college after she graduated. 

Matt knew amber quite well. She had come over to there house quite frequently.  They had a cordial relationship. He did gril her on doctrinal isues from time to time. When there farther died,she fkew out for the funeral. She cooked meels and took care of the minute stuff. No one in the family would forget her kindness and attention.they made sure she knew how appreciative they were of her. 

“Thank you i really appreciate this.i am trying not to double book myself.it has not always worked out that way. Your a life savior. I will tell amber to be on her best behavior.  No prothetic uterence at least not in an unknown tounge. ” tracy said.”i guess that will have to suffice! ” he said. 

Saterday

6 days before the wedding. 

He drove to the airport.  He had a collection of hyms playing on the radio. He got a little nervous. He felt a little apprehensive.  

He parked and went inside. He saw the passengers arived. He saw her.she wore a pink t shirt with a gray skirt and flip flops. She had his luggage with her. She knew that matt was going to pick her up. 

There eyes met. She smilled at her and he smiled back. “Hi amber its good to see you!” he told her.she gave her a hug. She had no idea why she did that. That was not like her. She stoped and moved away. “Im sorry! “She said. He chuckled.  “Its fine!” he said. 

“So are you in a hury to get back or do you want to stop for lunch?” he asked. “Can we,i am starving. I gotthe cheapest airfare there is. I did not even get a package of penuts. “She said. 

“Yea of course. It will give us time to catch up. “He remarked. “I would like that.  “She answered. “Great!” he said. 

They went to the car. They got into the car. He started the car. “I have a cd in but you can turn on the radio if you want. “He said. “Thank you” she said. She put on the radio. She put on k love. 

“Ccm! I should have known. ” he said. “Yes. You should have. I know your not suportive of k love . you believe the old hymms are the only viable kind of music for the church.  I disagree with you on that.  “She told him. 

“This is a topic we dont agree on. I will let you play iy never the less. “He told her. She laughed. “Ok. I appreciate that. ” she said. 

They went to the restaurant.  “So how do you feel about our miss tracy being all grown up?” she asked. “Weird. Seams like yesterday she was a baby. I am happy for her. Steve is a good guy. He loves the lord and loves her. I have seen the lord working in both there lives. It is a little bitersweet. ” she said. “I figured.”she said.

“I guess it was only a matter of time before she got married and moved out of her own. It is stil hard. I am her big brother. It is my job to worry about her. ” he said. 

“It is a lot of responsibility.  “She said. “I appreciate you recognizing that. I dont mind doing it but it is a lot. I dont take it lightly.  I want to do right by my dad,my mom tracy and the whole family. ” he said.

“Your doing fine. It is all going to come together. It is not going to be a success.  ” she remarked. 

“I hope so. ” he said ” i know it will.it cant be easy with your dad gone!” she remarked. “I miss him.i feel his absence the closer we get to the weading day. ” he answered.  “How is your mom doing with all this? ” she asked. “She has not said anything. I know that it is hard for her. She has the same mixed feelings we all do. ” he said. “Understandable.  “She said.

“I gues dad not being hear is the elephant in the room.  Weare trying to make it special for Tracy.  This is the first lathen wedding.  ” he said.

“Well put me to work. Whatever you need, ask! I am totally at your disposal. ” she said. “You should not tell me that.i might overload you with all the stuff i dont want to do. ” he told her. “You can overload me. I dont mind. I am hear for you. ” she said. She ment to say im hear for your family. Could that have been what she ment to say?

“Thank you.  I really appreciate that.” he told her. “No problem. “She said. “The truth is that i could use a helper. I dont mind being overloaded but i would like to have someone to share the load with. ” he said. She knew that he was not only talking about the work load.she wanted to make sure he knew that she was wiling to share the emotional load as well.  

“I am so glad your hear. ” he said. “Thanks. So how have you been?” she asked. “Extremely buisy but good. The church keeps me buisy. The church is really growing. I am excited by all that is happening. How are you?” he asked. 

“Good. Between the flower shop and and working at the college.  I like the area but i miss my home town and area.  ” she said. “Have you considered moving back? ” he asked. “I love working at the college but yes i could see myself moving back. “She answered.  That answer made him smile. She took notice of that.

To be continued.

End of sorrow part five 

Andrew and leane had been childhood sweethearts.he was a year older then her. Her family attended his church when they were both in jr high. They moved due to her farther’s work. The two hit it off almost immediately.  They were both the smartest people in the church. Everyone suspected that they would be a couple. 

They eventually became a couple.they did ministry together. They seemed to be the perfect couple. Everyone predicated that they would do great things for the lord.  Manny were already writing there story before it happened. 

They went to the same Baptist bible college. They were kind of a pakege deal. They did sumer ministry together as well. Everyone in there home church expected them to get maried. There was no suprise when there engagement was announced.  

Then everyone was shocked when leane was killed in a car crash. It made no sense. Andrew had to put a brave front.  His dream were dashed.the unwritten story would never be written. 

It had all been so clear.he and leane would be maried. They would start churches and serve the lord together. He had stoped. He had put everything on hold. Those in the church let him.they felt it nedded time.  He was still active in the church. He was doing ministry. He felt he was good enough. His heart was not in it like it had been. It was different. He was in a holding paturn now. 

If things continue the way it was,he would continue to do what he had for these two years. He would stil be in the funk. He would be struck.no one might not notice. he looked fine. He seemed normal.  It was a new normal. It was realy not where he should be. He was not where he could be. 

Then abby showed up. The spitfire. She was not one to stand on ceremony.  She said how she felt. She called it like she saw it. She did not mence words. 

She was the daughter of a penticostal minister.  Her family went from a series of churches within the assambly of God. His farther started out as an assistant pastor and moved on to pastoring churches. 

She saw something in andrew almost right away.she came to like him. She wanted to start a romantic relationship but he resisted those overtures. She started to back off.she realized that if he was not in it,there was little point to it.

She was miserable. She saw this image of them together. That concert seemed to be coming together. Then it all came apart. It was a hard few days after that. 

She tried to avoid him. She did mostly. They said hi a couple of times. That was about it. 

On a saterday she saw him getting ready to leave. She changed out of her jeens and put on a skirt. She went over to him. 

“Going somewhere?” abby asked. “Oh yea. Church picnic day. I was hoping to avoid it but it sounds like everyone is going to be there. I gues i am going to go. I used to love to go when leane was around.  It was more her thing but i liked it. Now not so much. “He said.

Abby did not like it when he mentioned her. She understood why he did. She was a big part of his life. That was over. Abby wanted to play that role. She wanted to be mrs.dade. it seemed leane stil ocupied that role in absentia.

“Well have fun!”she said. “I will try.i hope it will go fast.  ” he said.”i am sure that you will have fun. “She said. “We will see. “He said. She left him. She headed inside. She started to open the door to her apartment.  She stoped.

She ran to him. “Wait. Andy!”she said. He put some stuf in the trunk. He closed the trunk.  She went over to him. He stoped what he had been doing.  

“Im going with you. I wish i had planed better. I would have made my chicken salid sandwitch. It is to die for. Mayby some orther time. ” she said. 

“Wait? Your comming?” he asked. “Yes i am. ” she said. He chuckled.”ok!” he said. They got in to the car. 

“Nervous?” abby asked. “A little. I did not know i was bringing a guest.the pictures you posted got quite a reaction. I was pummeled with questions for days. I am not sure what you will do. You are a bit unpredictable! “He said.

“You woried i will spontaneously become slain in the sprit? I will just start speaking in tounges or something? ” she asked. 

“I wasn’t.  Now i am. ” he admitted. She laughed. “I will try to be on my best behavior.  ” she said. “Try?” he asked. ” you know me. I promise i will not to embarrass you too bad. “She said. ” oh my! Ok!”he said. 

He nervously parked the car in the parking area.they got out. Everyone seemed suorised that he brought a friend. ” hi andy. Who is this? “Pastor Jason web asked.

“Pastor web this is abby. Abby this is pastor web. “He said. ” hi welcome . it is good to meet you.”the pastor said. “Thank you. It is good to meet you.” she said.

She helped him unload the truck. The pastors wife came over and introduced herself. “Hi im carla webb. Pastor web’s wife. “She said.”it is good to meet you. ” abby said. 

” we are glad that your hear.”carla said.  “It is good to be hear.”abby said. Everyone was really friendly. Then he saw his parrents and his siblings. It was time to introduce her to his family. He was not sure he was ready for that.

“Is this abby?” his mom asked. “This is! ” abby said. “It is good to finaly meet you. ” his farther said.”i am been looking forward to meeting you as well. ” she told them. 

Then another car pulled up. It was leane’s parrents.he had not considered that they would see him with someone else other then leane . everything happened so fast. One minute he got ready to leave. All of a sudden abby was riding shotgun on his way to church.

He got realy nervous. He got tense. He tried not to look uncomfortable. It was not easy. He tried to act normal. He moved away from there line of sight. 

Abby was enjoying herself. She liked interacting with people from his church. Perhaps one day her church. Usualy she planed everything out. She had a strategy. She had a move and counter moves.not this time. This time she was flying at the seat of her pants.she had acted totally on impulse.  She had no plan.

It happened so fast. All of a sudden she realized that she was in his car on the way to his church. There was no turning back. She was glad to be there. She was glad that she did not have the time to rethink it. 

The dinner was really good. After the men were playing horse shoes.Andrew’s mom went over to her. ” it is good to finaly meet you.i wondered when i would meet you.”mrs. Dade remarked. 

“I wondered the same thing. “Abby said.  “His dad and i really enjoyed looking over the pictures you posted.it was good to see him smile again.it has been a while.” she said. 

“I like his smile. He has a good one. ” she told him. “He does. So are you two an item?” his mom asked.  “Not yet. I would love to be. He is not ready. Well at least he does not think he is ready.  ” she said.

“I am glad you are in his life. He had totaly shut down. We were woried about him.we stil are. We want see him resume life again. “His mom told her. “I am realy glad to be in his life. “Abby said. 

After a while she saw a husband and wife she had not talk to yet. “Hi im abby. ” she said “hi im Clark.  This is my wife jacky. ” he said. “It is good to meet you. ” she said.

“So what bring you hear today? “Jacky asked. “I am a friend of Andrew’s.  I am his neighbor. “She said. ” oh.  What kind of friend?” Clark asked. “Just friends.  ” she said.

Andrew saw them talking to abby. Oh no he thought. He was not sure what to do. He went over to her. ” hi. ” Andrew said.  “We have had a pleasent conversation With this young lady. ” jacky said. 

“She is a nice lady.”andrew said. Abby noticed that andrw was realy tense. She did not know why. After a while they dispersed. 

Later abby asked one of mats sister who clark and jacky were. “Oh! You dont know ” anna said. “Know what?” abby asked. “They are leane’s parrents.” she said.

Abby had no idea.it did not occur to her that she would run into them.she hoped that she did not cause him trouble.her impulsiveness sonetimes got her into trouble. Perhaps she should have thought thus though. 

Later they said goodbye to everyone. They went to the car. ” look i am sorry.  I really did not plan today.   I never ment to cause friction for you. I dont akways think before i act. I enjoy being with you. After the newsboys concert i decided to give you some space. I went on a self imposed exile with you. I hated it. I just acted today.” she told him. 

“Its ok. I am glad you came. They were bound to meat you eventually. I suspected you were on A self imposed exile.  I was not sure what to do. ” he said. 

“Are you really glad i am hear? I was not a nuisance? ” she asked. “No not at all.  Am glad you came!  He said. “So are you sick of me ? Want to come to my church tonight?” she asked. He said ok. 

End of part five. 

Panic attack part five 

Jack could not figure kristin out. One minute she seamed to want nothing to do with him. The next,she seamed to be realy interested in talking to him. He did not get it. He found himself a bit weary with the whole thing. He was fine with her not being a part of his life.he had been interested in her. It was a fleeting moment. Perhaps that was all it was. 

It was a smal church. He was bound to run into her. It was just how it was.  It was hard to keep constently seing her. It was a reminder of what could have been but never was. He did not want that. 

 He kept himself buisy. He worked at a grocery store . he also was the unoficial assistent pastor. He went with his dad doing visitation. He went to nursing homes and hospitals. He preached, taught Sunday school and headed up the youth program. He wanted to eventualy go into the pastorate. 

He had completed his shift and headed home. He went back to his house. His cell phone off. “Helo this is jack rayburn.” he said. “Helo jack this is diane greener.  ” she said.

His heart sank. He developed a large lump in his stomich. He had no idea what was going on. “Hello mrs grener how are you?”he asked.”i am fine thank you. We would like to invite you to dinner. “She said. 

He was shocked by this.  He was not expecting this. “I would love to. “He said. “I would like to sit down and discus something with you first. “She said. “Ok. Sure”he said. “Can you be hear at 4:30?”she asked. “Of course. “He said. 

“Excellent! “She said. “I will see you then.”he said. “I look froward to it. “Mrs. Grener said.then the conversation ended. 

He was really nervous. He put on a blue polo shirt and brown pants. He made sure he looked perfect. 

“So do you know why she invited you to dinner?” mrs rayburn asked.”no i am not sure.  “He said. “Nervous?” the pastor asked. “Very much so. I will be ok i hope. ” he said. “It will be fine.” his dad said. 

He got into his car. He headed to the home of the greners. He tried not to be nervous. He tried to stay calm. He found he was a slightly afraid of mrs grener. He was not totaly sure why but he knew he was. 

He arived at her house. He parked the car. He took a deep breath then excited the vehicle. He walked up to the door. Mrs. Grener was there to greet him. 

She invited him inside. They walked to a siting room. She invited him to sit. “My daughter kristin is intetested in being involved in a courtship with you. “Mrs. Grener said. 

He was a bit surprised.  At the same time he was not. He detected signals that she liked him. He also got signals that she did not. He found it all a bit confusing. “I see. “He said as he took a sip of cofee.

“Are you interested in such a relationship? “Diane asked. “Yes i am interested in a courtship with her. “He said. “I had suspected that you would be. There are some things i need to discus with you first. She wants to talk to you about this more extensively.  She would like to explain things to you in further detail. “She said. 

“I see.  ” he said. “A few years ago, my husband and kristin were in a car . a drunk driver rammed into them. My husband was killed almost instantly.  Kristin was badly injured. She was im a coma for a few months.  It was a duficult convolesence to say the least. The physical scars have for the most part have healed but the enotional scars have not.  She has been diagnosed with anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder . She is prone to panic attacks. “She said. 

He had no idea. No one knew what happened to mr. Grener. They did not think that she was divorced. She apeared to be very conservitive. They dressed modestly and acted in a behavior consistent with independent fundamental baptist. No one wanted to ask. 

It all made sense now. It seemed that one minute kristin was full speed ahead. Then she was just gone. The truth was that that was exactly what was going on. He had misjudged her. He felt really bad about that. 

“It has been difficult for her. She does like you. I will understand if you are not wiling to persue this knowing what i have told you. Are you still interested? “She asked. 

“Yes i am stil interested.”he answered.  “Good i had hoped you would be. There are a few stipulations i need to discuss. “Mrs.grener said. “Of course.” he said. 

“If you call her and she does not answer leave a voice mail then wait for her to call back. Dont keep calling. She might need time to herself. She will get back to you when she can. Just wait for her.can you do this?” she asked.  

“Yes i can. I will adhere to that. “He told her. “Good. I am glad to hear that. I am sory to rake you over the proverbial coals. I wory about Kristen.  I just want to see to her well being as much as it is in my power. ” she told her. 

“I definently understand that. “He told her mother.  “This wont be easy. I know i am asking you alot. I feel i have to. I must say i am very impressed with you. You are a hard worker with a good work ethic. You are a leader in the church. You have a good reputation. There is evidence that God had his hand on you. I believe that you could one day be my son in law. I am very suportive of this. “She told him. 

“I would love for that to be the case.”he told her. “As would i. Well dinner should be just about ready. Shal we?” she asked. “Of course. “He said. 

He folowed mrs. Grener into the dining room.  He was a bit nervous but tried to ignore it. He was excited at the same time. He had backed away from her as a defense but now he did not have to. Now he could get to know her. He was excited about that. 

The table was ready. He saw kristin.she smiled at him. He smiled back. He went over to her. “Hi there.  “He said. She smiled. They went to the table. She sat next to him. 

“Hi ! I am so glad that you came. “She told her. “I am glad i am hear as well. “He told her.they all sat down. 

End of part four