Panic attack part 12

Previously on panic atack

Kristin lost her farther in a car accident.  She was badly injured herself. She had to recover in a long term rehab center.  She has mostly recovered . she is prone to anxiety .

Jack is the son of a pastor. He is training to be a pastor. He is being mentored by his dad. He is serving as a kind of assistant pastor. He has been kept buisy. 

Jack and kristin had a rough start.  They started to date.  Things were starting to take shape between them. There always seem to be a two steps forward, one step back. 

Things had gone incredibly well. They were developing a rythem. At a picnic she realized that this was the anniversary of her dads death. She froze up. She just had to get away. 

He drove her home. She ran inside. “Your home early?”her mom remarked. “You know what today is?” she asked. “Yes. Im sory i did not say anything.  I thought mayby you had remembered and just did not want to talk about it. ” her mom said.

“I can’t believe i forgot about it. ” she said. ” its ok hunnie. It is bond to happen. Ita ok to have a life. ” she said.” i know that. I just have to process all of this. ” kristin said. “I understand. ” her mom said. 

Kristin decided to go upstairs. She went up to her bedroom. She cluched on to an old stuffed bear. Her dad gave it to her when she was young. He won it for her from one of those claw machines.  She hugged it. 

The bear had become a memory . it stayed near her bed. When she was hospitilized, ashly brought her some things from home. She cluched on to the bear. When she was little she named it henry. 

When she woke up from the coma,henry became a constent companion again. 

She remembered waking up. She was obivous at first.  She became startled. Ashley,  her mom and her sister janey were there. ” kris its ok. Your safe!” ashly said.

“Where am i?” she said. She saw that was wearing a hospital gown. She saw that she was hooked up to iv and other wires. “Hunnie you are at Jenson rehabitation center. You were in a really bad acident. ” her mom told her. 

She stated to remember. The events that led up to the crash started to come back. “Where is dad?” she demanded to know. “Sweetheart lets take this one step at a time!” her mom said. ” where is dad?  I have to know!” she incisted. 

“Hunnie he did no make it. ” her mom told her. She started to cry.  She held on to her mom. Her mom held her close. That night she held on to her bear. 

It did not really sink in that he was gone until she was relesed. He kept a couple of coats in the foyer. They were gone.  It really sunk in then.  

Everyone else had been had time to let things sink in. It had been four mounths sense the accident.  For her,it felt like it had just happened.they had had a smal commital service with just the family. After kristin felt better they had a momorial service. She was stil in the rehab center but got a day pass. The memories flooded back. 

He was not sure what to do. Should he call her or just wait for her to call him. He missed her. He was having a such a good time with her and then it was over. He wanted to get back to that moment. He wished there had been a way to stop the date from ending. 

He had no way to know if he was in love. He did not know if falling in love was a real thing.  He felt something for her. He grew closer to her. Now it was over. He just wanted to talk to her. 

He did not hear from her that night. He decided not to try to contact her. He would see her at church the next day. At least he hoped she would be there.  

She styaed in her room more of the day. Her mom and sisters kept checking up on her just to make sure that she was ok. She assured them she was. 

He was teaching sunday school and did not get to talk to her before his class began. After the class was concluded,he went over to her. He sat down next to her. 

” on a scale of one to ten, how mad are you at me?” she asked. “I am not mad. I am upset. I want you to trust me. I want you to let me in. I really want to be a part of your suport syistom. I respect your mom and sisters but i hope to become your suport syistom. Your holding back and i dont know why. I want to be there for you. I feel like your not letting me. ” he told her. 

“I explained  to you  that i need my space. I have to fight my own battles.  It is importent to me that i prove to myself i can. You said you understood.” she said. 

“I do understand.  When i become your husbend i want to be there for her.  It is not a questione of can you fight your own battles. You are the bravest person i know.  You should not have to. Juat because you can go it alone does not meen that you should. ” he said.

” this probably is not the time or the place for this discussion. ” she told him. ” your probably right. ” he said. They were silent for a few minutes. Then the pastor started the service. 

After the service, “look i will see you around.  ” she said. “Ok. Call me if you want to .” he told her. She left the sancuary. He wanted to walk her to her car but she did not apear to want that. 

He had a dificult after noon. He realy missed her. He wished he could talk to her. He just did not think that was possible.  

That night he hoped to see her. She never came in . he saw ashly and diane. “Jack. Kristen has decided to stay home tonight. ” diane said. ” oh ok. ” he said.

He tried not to be distracted. He tried to focus. He found it hard to do so. He was able to pay attention mostly. 

 Monday night his phone went off. He saw that it was from Kristen.  ” hey krissy !” he said. “Hi jack. I do this thing where i just drive around in order to clear my head. You want to come along with me?” she asked.

“Ok sure. ” he said. “I will be over in a couple minutes?” she said. “Sure. ” he answered. He went to the porch. Her green jeep pulled in. He went inside.

He hugged her. She held on to him.”look im realy sorry. I just shut down.  ” she said. “I know. I figured that. I love her krissy. I am hear for you. I promise you that. ” he told her.

“I know that. Thank you. ” she said. She drove off. “So you go for drives often?” he asked. She smiled and said,”yes i do. I love driving.  This helps me clear my head. I could not wait to get my lisence. When i was hospitilized my lisence was yanked. I had to go though a milion hoops to get it back. ” she said.

“I did not really want to get my lisence.  I was the oldest of ‘forty kids ‘so my parents incisted i get my lisence. I did. ” he said. 

“My mom hates when i do this. I love driving. I feel free when i do this. I can forget everything. I can live hear. ” she said.

“She lets you do this?” he asked. “I am an adult. She does not like it. Sometimes she keeps caling me. I would not answer but i fear she might send out the search party. I told her where i go. I told her you were coming. ” she said. 

“Oh i see. I am your chaperone? ” he said.  “A little bit. I do want you hear. ” she said. “I know. ” he said. 

They drove to a field. She stoped. They got out. They looked around. “I love this spot. I like to just stand hear.i find i do my best thinking hear.”she said. 

“What’s on your mind kris?” he asked.”i should have moved on by now. Everytime i do, the menories flood back. I dont know how to deal with it. ” she said. 

“Let me in krissy. I want to be your very best friend.  I want to be your partner . i care about you more then i can describe.  ” he said. “I know that. I do trust you. ” she assured him.

After talking for a bit they went to the car. They drove around for a bit. She pulled back into his driveway.  “So have you gone on these drives sence we got together?”she asked. “Yes i have .” she said. ” i figured. Thank you for inviting me along. ” he said.”thank you for comming. ” she said. They hugged. They said goodnight.
  End of part 12

Next up kris relationship with her old churches thretends her relationship with jack. 

Wedding party part six 

Four days until the wedding

With the progress made the day before,tracy decided to begin work at nine. Tracy was up at 7:30. She put the cofee on. 

Amber heared someone up. She gaused that it was probably tracy. She came down stairs. “Morning sunshine!” tracy said. ” i knew that you weref up. ” amber said.

“So # thoughts are swiming in my head. I am surprised i got this much sleep. ” tracy said. Amber laughed. 

“This is all going to come together trace. It is going to be a great wedding. One you will never forget!” amber assured her. 

 “You had better keep in touch amber. ” tracy said. “I mwill.” amber said. “He cares abourt you. ” Tracy said. “I know he does. Odd he did not like me for the longest time. ” amber said.

“He is a private person. He always has been. He is not one to wear his heart on his sleve. You are special to him. There is nothing he would not do for you. ” tracy said. “I have never doubted that. ” she said. 

Matt woke up at 7:30.  He took a shower and got ready to go. He got in his car.  He headed to the home of his parents.  He parked and went inside. 

He went inside. “You dont look awake? ” tracy commented. ” i am noy but i am getting there. ” he said. He got a cup of cofee. 

After a while Steven arived. They had breakfast then got ready to go to the church. They arived at the church.  

Tracy took inventory of what was done the day before.  She looked at what was accomplished the day before in order to plan where to go from there.  

She then went upstairs and looked at the sanctuary.  She looked at her floor plan. She looked at the posters and decorations that had already been made. He started to make a list of things to get done. 

Tracy called a meeting. Everyone met in the foyer. “Are you alowed to call a meeting tracy?”matt asked. “Probably not. Can you call a meeting? “She asked. He laughed. “Ok people!  Gather around. ” he said.

All of a suden matt got weapy. He remebered his dad calling family meetings. The meetings were usualy getting ready to go somewhere manny times on vacation. He tried to hide the tears. He did not wear his heart on his sleve. 

“Ok so tracy what is the plan for the day? ” he asked her. “Ok i want the guys to work on the latice work for down stairs felowship hall. We will continue making decorations.  ” tracy said. 

Amber walked with matt as he walked outside.  “You ok matt?” she asked.  “Yea im ok. I thought about a phrase dad used to use. It took me by surprise.  Its bound to happen this week. ” he said.

They neared the door. She hugged him. “Hold on to those memories. Dont forget the good times. ” she told him. “Ok! I wont. Thank you. ” he told her. She huged him tightly before letting him go. “I will talk to you later.” she said. “You got it. ” he said. 

Steve and matt got to work on the lattice work. They got to work making tracy’s dream a reality. They set up what would be a gate around the tables in the fellowship hall. There would be a gazebo like structure near the end table. This was where the wedding party would come in. They could have there pictures taken there. 

They got several structure built and then would bring it down stairs. From there they would set up and interconnected.  The gazebo was the hard part. The platform was set up first downstairs. Then the rest was built outside and then brought downstairs. This kept the guys buisy. 

The girls worked on decorations and posters and sutch. The kid’s mom arived with there younger siblings at ten. They worked on various decorations and the like. 

Down stairs things were really shaping up. Amber came downstairs to him. “Matt is toasted cheese sandwitches and tomato soup ok?” amber asked. “Yea thats great. ” he answered. ” great. We are getting ready to lunch. This looks really good. Tracy will love it. ” she said.

“You like it?” he asked. “I really do. You are going to have to work on ny wedding. ” amber said. “We will see about that. Do i have to pray over it first?” he asked. “Yes it must be blesed with tounges. ” she said. ” oy veh!” he said. She laughed. “I will be back when lunch is ready! ” she said. 

He found himself tensing up. The thought of her getting maried. He knew she would get maried. She would be a great wife. He was fully confident that she would get maried.he just did not want to think about. 

Eventually she would meet someone. Probably penticostal. Probably someone at the college she worked at.he got sad. He wanted her to marry him. He went from disliking her to becoming cordial but stil dissent.  From cordial to friendly acquaintance.  Then they became friends. He develped a crush on her but he never mentioned it. They had moved on. She was on the other side of the united states with a life of her own. Things were different now. He would have to accept that.

What he did not know was that she was thinking the same thing. At first he was simply tracy’s brother. She did not give him much thought. Then she realized that he did not like her. Then they came at peace with eachother. Then they became friends in time. She liked him. She never told him. 

She did not the thought of marying someone that was not him. She equally did not like the idea of him marying someone else. She dreaded going back west. This was her home. She knew that she would head back to the west coast after the wedding.

When dinner was ready,  amber got everyone.  They eat in the halway.  Amber sat next to matt of course. “Hi there!” she said. He laughed.  ” hi amber!” he said. 

“Things are coming together.  ” amber said. “They are realy are. I am glad that is. ” he said. “We will all be tired out come sunday but thats ok. ” she said.  “I have a feeling that is true. ” she said. 

After dinner the guys got back to work on the latice work. The girls continued to work on decorations. 

Tracy went down stairs to look at the felowship hall. She started to cry. “This is beutifull! I love it.  Steve, matt thank you. ” she said. 

They stoped at 5:00. Everyone was tired. They went back to the house. They had supper. 

“What the plan for tomorrow? ” there brother phil asked. “I want to get the felowship hall finished and the halway. We probably should quit at 4:30 . church is at 6:00. ” tracy said. They all agreed. 

“Thursday will be sanctuary.  Friday the caterers arive. We finish everything then rehersial. ” tracy said.”what time are we starting? “Matt asked. ” we will push for eight.  Come by hear at 7:30 cofee will be on at seven. ” Tracy said.

Matt said his goodnight to everyone. Amber walked him to his car. This had become a tradition for them during the week. She hugged him. She watched him leave.

Amber went over to the family matriark. “Hi amber! ” she said. “So how are you doing with all of this?” amber asked. “Its hard. Tracy is my oldest daughter. Seems like yesterday she was a baby.  I am not ready for her to be all grown up. I miss there farther.  I has started to move on but this has brought it all back. ” she said.

“I know it must be hard.  “Amber said.”it is. It would have been any ways. Without him it is hard. I keep looking for him. ” she said. “Im sorry. ” amber said. “Thank you . ” she said.

After a while everyone started to go to bed. The wedding was nearing. They had a lot to do but they had done alot. 

End of part six. 

Next up 

The family works on finising up the felowship hall.  There is the wendsday service. Things continue to develop between matt and amber. 

Wedding party part five

Five days till wedding.  

Matt’s alarm went off at 7:00. He got up and hit the shower. He got dressed . he wore jeens and a blue t shirt. He put on a blue coat. He headed out. It was a little chilly but it he figured it would warm up. 

Steven ,tracy’s fiencae got up. He lived near the home of tracy’s mom. He woke up with the alarm. He got dressed and headed out. 

Tracy had been awake sence five. She finaly got up. She found it hard to get to sleep and to stay asleep.  She wanted to really start getting ready for the wedding.  

Amber heard that someone was up. She figured that it was tracy. She decided to get up. They had been up for a bit when everyone arived. 

Matt was the first to arive. He parked and came in. “Morning matt!” Tracy said. He hugged his sister.  He saw amber. “Hi matt.” amber said. “Hi amber. ” he said. 

He got a cup of cofee. “I am not quite awake yet. I am getting there. ” matt said. ” hury up and wake up. I plan on putting you to work today and then some!” Tracy said. ” i figured.  I will be awake by the time we get to the church. ” he assured her. Tracy laughed. “I dont need your mind just your brute strength. ” Tracy said. “Understood. ” matt said. 

Steven came in. Steve hugged tracy. They held hands and hugged but did not kiss even on the cheeks. “I got to warn you steve, your fiencae is quite an authoritarian! ” matt said. 

“Only during weading preperation. ” she said. “Then she will return to sweet Tracy.  “Amber said. “I am always sweet. I just to make sure everything is going smoothly.  ” tracy said. Everyone laughed. 

Tracy and amber and two other sisters got to work on breakfast. There mom was the last to get up. She walk downstairs with there youngest sister. She was three years old.she was born just before her dad died. 

“Hi mom. ” matt said. ” hi Matthew.  ” Katherine lauthen said. “The girls are making breakfast. I am thinking it might be our last meal. ” matt said. “She is planing to get a lot done today. I think she will be determined to get her to do list done. ” the mom said. “We will get there. I want to see us getting the tasks for today done as well. ” matt said. 

He could tell that things were hard for his mom. She was stil fairly young. She was only in her late 40s.she stil had young kids. The three youngest were 8, 5 and 3. 

“Getting ready for a weading is always chaotic. I know myine was. I remember thinking the Monday before that we would never het everything done. The weading was great. It was everything i wanted it to be and more.  I know that that will be the case hear. This will be something that tracy and steven will never forget!” her mom said.  ” i hope so. I am. Going to do all i can to make it happen. ” he said.

“You have always been a good brother.  I know you will. I have full confidence in you Matthew.  I know tracy does as well. ” she said. “I want Tracy to have a great wedding.  I realy do. ” he told his mom. 

His sister marissa anounced that it was time for breakfast. They all went into the kitchen. Matt prayed for the food. Amber sat next to him. 

After breakfast they got ready to leave for the church. Mat’ two youngest brothers wanted to go with him.”can i ride with you Matt? ” amber asked. “Sure. I got two really silly boys ” he said. She chuckled. “Thats fine!” she said. 

She got in. “Hear it begins!” she said. “Its going to be a wild week. I have a feeling we will be all tired out before the wedding.  ” she said. ” we will make it. ” she said.

The car parked at the church. Everyone got out. Tracy had everyone gather in the halway. ” ok! Sense the auditorium is going to be used for the Wednesday midweek, we are going to focus on the downstairs. Upstairs rooms will be used for prayer time. We will start on the sancuary after the mid week service. We can work on decoration just not put them up. I realy want to go wild on downstairs. Mom ,amber marissa and i will work on the decorations. The guys wil be the muscles. ” she said. 

The girls got working on the decorations. While tracy got the guys together. She took out a peace of paper and laid it on a table. “Ok. I am thinking we will start with the tables we have and then get the others table. This is how i want it set up.  ” tracy said.

Tracy left to talk base with the ladies. They got right to work. Matt started to move tables.  He and steve were moving tables. They got the tables set up first.  They moved the existing tables.

When they used all of the tables in the fellowship hall they then got tables from other rooms. they got the nearest rooms first. They did not worry about chairs at first just the tables. 

“Nervous? ” matt asked steve. “A little bit. Even a mounth ago it seemed so far away. Now it is almost hear yet at the same time it still feels a long way off. It still does not feel real quite yet. I am excited. ” steve said. “It is all going to come together.  ” he said. 

After they got the tables set up,they orginiazed them acording to her floor plan. Then they brought in chairs using an old fashioned chair doly. They started setting up the chairs. 

Amber came down stairs. ” Steve we need a life verse for a poster . “she said.”i have several i like. “Steve said.”pick one.mrs green wants to make a postet of your life verses..she picked proverbs 3:5 and 6. ” amber said.”hebrews 10:39 ‘we are not of those who fall back unto perdition’s but those who believe to the saving of the soul. “Steve said. “Ok thanks.”she said.

A little while later,amber came back. “Mrs green sais she wants a verse thar is more positive. ” she said.”it is very posisitve. “Steve said. “Do you have a different life verse?”she asked. “Romans 1:17,”herin the righteousness of God is revealed form faith to faith as is written the just shal live by faith. “He said. “Ok that should work.” amber said.

“What would have happened if i picked,’our God is a consuming fire!'”?he asked. “I shutter to think. Mrs green is a dear saint of the lord. She does have her own ways of doing things. ” he told steve. He laughed.

After a while,tracy came back. “Hey matty can you take down everything hanging uo to make room for yhe decorations? “Tracy asked. “Everything ?” he asked. “Except for electtical stuff. “She said. “Ok.”he agreed.

A little while amber came back..”steve mrs green was wondering if she she can just put as it is writen the just shal live by faith?”she asked. “I really like the whole verse. What about context? Ok its fine”he said. “Thank you.”she said. 

“Hey matt would you be offended if we eloped?”steve asked. “I told you that was the way to go. “Matt said. 

After a while tracy went to matt.”matt mrs green wants to put wedding verses like he that finds a wife finds a good thing ‘i would rather not have those kibd of verses. Its seams buisy. I dont want an overloud. The wedding itaelf is the mesege not alll the ascetics.  “Tracy said. “Its your wedding trace. You can have it how you like. ” he said. “You will back me up on this?” she asked. “Of course.”he said. “Thank you.”tracy said. 

“Explain to her that you want to keep it bear bones. Simple.  ” he said. “I will. ” she said. 

“Tracy is particuler. “Steve said. “She can be. It usually certain things. She picks her battles.  When she cares about something, she realy  cares about it. ” he told him. “Understood. ” steve said.

They got everything down. They started putting things up. Things were already shaping up. People came in and out. 

Amber came in. “Matty i need sandwich order.  Eag salid or tuna?”she asked. “Tuna. “He said.”Tracy was prety sure you wouls ssay tunna. One or two?”she asked. “Two please. “He answered. “You got it. Steve tuna or eag?”amber asked. “Eag salid just one please.” he said. “You got it” she said. 

Everyone eat upstairs in the entry way. Matt prayed for the food.he sat next to amber. ” this is starting to take shape.”amber said. “It is. This is the first wedding at the church in ten years.  Its time. Hopfully it wont be another ten years before anpther one. ” he said. 

“It is alot of work. We have got a lot accomplished. We got a lot more time today. I think we atr ptety much on shedule. “Amber said. “I thought we were.  ” he said.

Steve went over to tracy. They hugged.  “I missed you.” steve said. “I missed you. I am sorry wr have not really goten to hang out. I havr kunda micromanaged everything.”she said.”its fine. We will plenty of time after the wedding. I figured it would be chaotic and hetic. Its fine. ” he said.  

“Are you sure hunnie?”tracy asked. “Im sure. ” he said. “I did not meen to ignore you. You giys are doing a really good job. Everyone is. I am happy how it is coming along. “Tracy said.”im glad.”he said.

The girls worked on decorations. Even the little kids helped albiet supervised. The men did the grunt work. They hung things up. They hung steramers and posters.

There mom decided to bring the kids home for a nap after two pm. At five they decided to call it a day. They accomplished quite a bit. They were just about right on shedule. 

Tracy just looked around the felowship hall. “This is great. Thanks everyone.”she said. 

Tracy went over to matt. She hugged him. “Thank you for your help today. You went above and beyound. Please don’t run of steam. I need for five more days. ” shr said.  “I understand.  I promise i wont.”he said. 

“Are you coming to the house?” amber asked. “Yes that is my plan. I plan on staying for supper. Tracy wants to play monopoly.  ” matt said. “Good i was hoping we could visit for a bit. I have not got to see you much today. Not really.”she said. “I know what you meen. Sounds like fun.” he said. 

“Unless your sick of me!” she said. “Not posible. “He said.” i really hope that’s true. “She told her. ” i am sure its is.” he answered.  

They had dinner at the home of the family matriark.  After the youngest kids requested amber read them a bed time story before they went to bed. 

“Amber realy is one of our family isn’t she?” he asked his mom. “She realy is. You know after this wedding we might never see her again. ” his mom said. 

His jaw dropped.  He had not realy considered that. “You realy think we might not see her again?” he asked. “Well she is living on the west coast. It sounds like her life seams to be centeted there. Its possible we might not. ” she said. 

He hated not ever seing her again. It pained him. He knew that was a posibility. She was heavily involved in the church and school there. She could advanced there. She could even meet someone and get maried and raise a family. 

They played a few games of minopoly. Then he and amber were sitting in the living room. “Do you think that after this week we might never see eachother again. Your life is bassed on the west coast now?” he remarked.

“I am not going to just abandon you.you are my family. I wont be a stranger.  “She assured him. “Good! As much as i tease you,i do really like you. I would hate to never see you again. ” he told her.  

“I feel the same way. Your family is just as much my family. I promise i wont be a stranger. ” she said. “Good.” he said.

They agreed to meet up at the house at eight and start things at nine at the church. Matt went to his house. He was tired and fell asleep.  

End of part five

Next up

Progress continues to be made in wedding preperations, things happen between amber and matt. 

Panic attack part ten 

Previously on painic attack.

A car acident takes the life of Kristen’s farther. She is hospitalized for an extended stay. She sufferes form emotional trauma including anxiety and depression. 

 At first she was not interested in a romantic relationship. Aftet meeting jack a pastor’s son,she decided to give it a try. In manny ways they are very different. They are slowly learning how to relate to her.

Jack was working on a sermon when his phone rang. He realized it was Kristen. “Hey krissy.”he said. “Hey can you come over for super on Thursday? ” she asked. “Thirsday is fine. I have to get an oil change but i should done by 3:00 or so.”he said.

“Woa. What? “She asked. “I should be done by 3:00! “He said.  “No before that?”she asked. ” i have to have the ouk changed on my car. “He said.

“Your going to have a gerage do it?”she asked.  “I usually do! Why?”he asked. “Come by early. I will do it. “She said.” wait? You change oil?”he asked. “Yea i change the oil on the jeep or mom’s Car all the time. Bring your by and we can do it together. Just bring cloth’s to change into it. “She said. 

“Are you sure?”he asked. “I will very upset if you take it to the gerage.  ” she said. “How is it you know how to change the oil in a car? Your the girliest girl i know.you must own stock in nail polish!” he said.

“My dad did not have any sons just me and my three sisters.  He called it life skils. He taught us a bunch of stuff. I know how to change a tire and build a shack. ” she said.

” oh! I dont know how to do any of that. Although i am prety sure i coukd build a shack.” he said. “So come by around three. This will be fun. Consider it a bounding experience. “She said.

“Ok. I can do that. “He said. “Cool. This will be fun i promise. ” she said. “Oh ok. I trust you!” he said. 

On Thirsday he brought his car by. She told him to drive it into the gerage.  He did so. She wore coverall.  Her hair whitch was usualy down was in a phony tail. “Yes i am not wearing a skirt but this is only when i work on cars. ” she said.

“I did not say anything.  ” he said. She chuckled. She had everything ready. She went underneath the car. He watched her. “Pay close attention Next time your going to do it and i will watch. ” she said. “Ok! You got it.” he answered. 

He wacthed her do it. “Why do you have a jeep?  “He asked. “I like it. It is a 2002. I likes jeep. Someday i hope my family expands. I have always liked jeeps i gues. ” she said.” i was just curious. ” he said.

“Your not really a car person are yo”she asked. ” i like cars. I like getting from point A to point b. Other then that not too much. ” he told her. “I figured. I am not a huge car girl but i like cars. “She said. 

They finished up changing the oil. They left the car. He got up. He ofered her his hand and she took it. He helped her up. 

“Promise me you will never take it to the garage.  I  will find out. Be sure your sins will find you out. Yes it is a sin. Never pay for something you can easily do yourself. ” she told him. “Ok i got it. I wont. “He said. She chuckled.

“I never thought my girlfriend would change oil. ” he said. “Before you know it,you will be a pro of this. “She said. “Mayby you can teach me to play piano. “He said.”if you want to learn i could teach you. ” she said. “We will see. ” he said.

“I realy like you jack. ” kristin said. He smilled. “I realy like you. ” he said. “If you want to change you can use the first bathroom to the right. I will see you in a bit. “She said. “Ok. ” he said. She kissed him on the cheek.  Then they dispersed.

He changed into tan pants and a blue dress shirt. He put his other cloths into a bag. He went back to the garage and put them in his car. He went back upstairs. 

He went to the living room.”hello mrs greener.  ” jack said. “Please sit. Its Diane.  ” she said. He sat down. “Did you get your oil changed?” she asked.”i did. I was suprised kristin knew how to do it. ” he said.

“My husband felt that it was importent for my daughters to know certain life skils. Not that they had to use it but they had to be able to. They all took to it. Especialy kris and ash. Jared wanted a boy but he loved his daughters.  Kris was the closest child to him. She was his little side kick.  She used to tea parties with her stufed animals by the garage.  They would be interupted in order to get him a ranch. ” she said.

“I got the impresson they were close. I have tried to avoid the issue. I dont want to upset her. ” he said. “Jared was a good man. Definitely a family man. ” she said. 

“She is different today. Was this how she was before?”he asked. “She was very bubly. You are starting to bring it out of her. I want you to know i was never opposed to you and her being an item. I was just woried she was not ready. I have always been overprotective of all of them. Even more so sence the acident and the subsequent hospitalization. ” she said.

“I understood. “He said. “Has it been dificult?”diane asked. “I think we are starting to undertand how to relate to eachother. ” he told her. “Good. There are going to be ups and down. Dont be suprised if there is another down perioud comming. ” she admonished him. “Of course. ” he answered. 

Kristin had gone to her bedroom. She changed into a pink sleveless dress and put on a gray sweter. She wore flip flops. She put her hair back down. She walked down stairs. 

She went to the living room. He smiled at her. She smiled back. She kissed him on the cheak. She took his hand. He was a little skifish about physical contact any ways but was nervous about displaying afection in front of mrs greener,  diane. Mrs grener did not apear to be offended. He did not want to go overboard but a little bit of p.c is fine he supposed.  

Diane dismised herself to check on dinner. “Miss me?”she asked in a playfull tone. “It has not been that long but yes i missed you. Did you miss me?”he asked. She smiled and said, “yes i did.” 

“You cleen up well. “She remarked. “Thanks, so do you! I still am shocked you liked to work with cars.  “He said.”im versatile.  Everyone is diverse i think. Not as the world defines diversity. We are all a bit of an enigma rapped in a conundrum!”she said. He chuckled. “Your probably right. “He said. 

“I like to be full of surprises. Otherwise life would be boring.  ” she said.  “I am prety boring. I dont think i have any odd interest. I think my interest lines up with i.f.b quute nicely.  ” he said.” we will see about that. I am not convinced. ” she said. He laughed. 

“Am i going to be in for more surprises?” he asked. “Probably!  There is a good chance of it. “She said.  “Oh ok. ” he said. 

She left the room to help set up. He looked around the room. He saw a picture of her witg his dad when she was little. There was a family pictures.  She assumed it might have been one of the last with her dad before he died. He was called in for dinner.

They served ham,potatoe green beens and vegitables. She made sure to include vegetables she knew he did not like. She made sure he eat them. He eat them last. 

They had desert.  He was fall but was able to eat one peace of cake. After they sat on the porch. ” i dont think i can eat again for a week. ” he declared. She laughed. 

“I am not sure that i quite line up with independent fundimental baptist. I do mostly. I read king james i ware skirts or dreses most of the time. Other things i might not. “She said. “I figured. I suspected that.”he said. 

“I have attended both independent fundimental Baptist and independent baptist. When i grew up there was little difference. Slowly chirches drifted from king james and music changed. Dress standards as well. My mom prefers more conservative.  “She said. 

“What about you?”he asked.  “I like this church.  I like the people. They are freindly . the pastors son is kinda cute!”she said. “Only kinda cute?” he asked.they laughed.” you ok with being maried to someone slighlty on the strict side?” he asked. “I think i am ok with it. “She answered. 

“I am traditional .  some might say old fashioned. I sing the hyims, read from the king James bible. Dress up for church, i dont own a tv, etc. ” he said. 

“Well i see. I do read from the king james bible. I am somewhat modern but certainly not as the world defines it. I curtainly opose post modern philosophy.  I dont believe in situational ethics. I ware dreses and skirts and try to always be modest. I do ocadionaly listen to contemporary christian music. I do own a tv. I am conservitive. I believe in the fundimentles of the faith. ” she said. 

“I know that. I dont doubt that for a seccond. ” he said. “Do you still see me as a viable potential wife? “She asked. He put her arm around her. “Yes i do. I trust you. I know you would never undermine me. “He said.she rested her head on his soulder.

“I would never try to undermine you or to change your views.  I respect you and your views. I believe in separation and holiness. ” she said. “I know that. ” he said.

“What is a deal breaker for you?” she asked. “You have to be saved. I am Certain you are. I see evidence of spiritual gowth. I believe you are growing. A paturn of unrepentant sin. I am talking clear rebelion. It would be a red flag. I would atempt to work though it. Thst could be..i dont see that.  Under church discipline. That could be a red flag or a deal breaker. Dressing imodestly which you dont. Bad reputation , course talk. It is more isues of chracter. ” he said. 

“Ok. I am independent fundimental baptist. Just not as strong as orthers. ” she said. “I understand that. Your fine. I dont see a problem. ” he said. “Ok.i just wanted to make sure. ” she said. 

 She escorted him to his car. “I had a really good time tonight. I love spending time with you. ” he told her.

“I had a good time too. I feel like we are forming our own family unit. ” she said. “I do too. I love you krissy. ” he told her. “I love you jack. “She told him. 

He got into the car. She blew him a kiss. He pertended to catch it. He drove off. 

End of part 10

Next up

The anniversary of kristin’s farthers death takes her by surprise and throw there relationship though a loop. 

 

End of sorrow part 9

Previously on end of sorrow.

Abby a penticostal reaches out to her neighbor. Andrew lost his fiancé just weeks before the weddings.  He was reluctant to agree with it at first.  He finally agred to see her formerly. 

They went to the first resturant they went to. “I had no idea you were planing something like this.” he said.

“Neither did i ! It was kind of an impulse thing. I felt like we should celebrate it. It is a huge milestone for us. ” she said. 

“It really is. It is a new beginning.  ” he said. “I feel that way too. I really like you. I am really excited by the prospects of our relationship.  ” she said.  “I am too. I realy like you. Its nice to have companionship again. Some times you dont realize that you dont have something until you have it. ” he said.

“Its strange, i am always around people. I sometimes keep people at arms laungh. Though i am bubly and a people person, i still tend to be somewhat standoffish. Not with you. I am very comfortable around you. ” she said. 

“I can tell your different around me. I am glad that your feel free when your around me. ” he said. “I really do. ” she told him. 

“You have brought me out of my shell. I am not quite the old me but i am getting closer.  ” he said. “I dont think your mearly as serious  as you let on. I imagine if i gave you a skirt gun , i would be a goner. ” she said. “Yes! You dont want to see me with a skirt gun unless  you have one and a large shield!” he said. 

“You do have a silly side?” she asked. “I do. I am have six siblings. Manny of them are young. You kind of have to be silly. ” he said.

“I have a feeling that you are naturaly silly. “She remarked. “Perhaps! ” he said. They laughed. 

“So are you thinking about getting back to ministry. I know your serving the lord. Have you considered going back to the tract you were on? ” she asked.  “I have. I do still have a desire to start churches. ” he said. “I thought that you did. I know you still preach and teach sunday school. I cant believe the lord wants you to sit on the side lines. ” she said.

“I know your right. ” he said. “As i said on our first date, its time to get back to work. Its time to get out of the funk. ” she said. “I know. I am getting there. I really am getting there. ” he said.”good.  I thought you were. ” she said. 

“Your right i used the mourning as a crutch.  I used it as an excuse.  I got used to being in a funk. It became normal comfortible. ” he said.

“Its understandable.  I am glad you see it that way. I am glad that you are giving it up. I am glad to see your moving on. I have to warn you that i am always blunt. If i disagree with something you will know it.” she said.”i am not surprised. ” he said.

“Having said that i will always keep it private. I will discus it with you in private. ” she said. “I figured. I appreciate that. ” he said. 

” you have a lot of potential.  You have a lot of gifts. I want to see you serving the lord. I want you to live up to that potential. I believe that sometimes the battle is not between right and wrong but between right and somewhat right. Dont settle for good enough. I think you know thats what you been doing. ” she said.

“You are right. That is what i have been doing. Its funy i have preached messages along those lines. I think the old me would have a bone to pick with me. I dont want to settle.  I rally dont. ” he said.

“I know that. I wont let you. I know you will keep me honest as well. ” she said. ” i am on the road back. ” he said.”i know you are. I can see that. ” she said.

“So we discussed the posibility of us one day marrying. We both agreed that we need to go slow. We need to take baby steps. Do you see yourself marrying me. Can you picture it? “She asked. 

“Yes i definitely can. I do want to marry you. ” he told her. “Good . i realy want to marry you. I am downright smitten with you andy. ” she said.

Andrew never considered marying anyone else but liane.  He never dated anyone but liane. She was the only person he had had a romantic involvement with. When he had been young there was a girl he told he wanted to marry. He had no idea what her name was. He bearly remembered the event. 

He never even thought about thanking about someone besides liane. When liane died he really was committed to being single all his life.that commitment became stronger.  Even when he met abby. Even when they started to become closer friends. 

Now he was open to marrying her. He was surprised.  He was not expecting this. He was definitively not seaking it. Never the less, hear it was. 

“Why are you so smiten with me ab? I am ptety boring. I am old fashoned. I dont own a tv. I listen to old hyims and a collection of sacred mysic from my college.  I am a cessationest. I sometimes think i am a little dull. Why me?” he asked.

She laughed.she smiled. “I dont know.  I cant explain it. I just am. I did not plan it. It happened. Your not that dull.  ” she said.  “My ant farm might disagree with you. ” he said. She shock her head. They both laughed.

“So i could ask the same of you.  Why do you like me? I am bubly outgoing. I love to dance, listen to klove, own a tv. I am a bit mischievous at times. ” she said.  

” i love spending time with you. I juat do. I am glad your in my life. ” he said. She smiled. 

After a while they paid then went to the car. Then they headed home. She parked. They got out of the car. “I had a great time tonight. ” he told her. “I did too. This was i hoped tonight would go. This was better really.” she said. He hugged her. They said goodnight and went there temporary separate ways. 

The next morning andrew was suposed to be at work at ten am. He slept in until nine. He had plenty of time but he usualy got ready at a leisurely pace. He showered, drank cofee got ready and left.

He was hatdly late but he was a bit frazzled. He forget to get his phone. His work is  far from his apartment but when he Was at work, he stayed there until his shift was over. 

Despite the dificut start to the day,it went fairly well. He was,whoever happy to be home. He pulled in. Abby was waiting for him. She was wearing jeens whitch usualy ment she was miffed with him.she had been crying.

“Are you upset about something ab?”he asked. “Where have you been?”she asked. “I was at work!”he said.  “Why didn’t you return any of my calls or texts or messages? “She asked. “I was in a rush this morning and left mt phone at home. I dont go home while on lunch breaks. ” he said.

“Why is it every time you and i have a major break though, you have to go backyards.  Why do you have to be so unstable? ” she asked. 

” i am not having doubts about us. I really did leave my phone at home.  “He said.”you live a mile from your home.  Why bot just go get it?”she asked. “I dont like to leave the premises..even on lunch. ” she told him. “I was woried that we were going too fast. I feard you would go inward again. I figured you had.  ” she said. 

“Abby i am ok. I am not having second thoughts about us. “He said. “Do you still feel like your being unfaithful  to liane?”she asked. “I would be lying if i said i did not feel that a little. I know its irational. “He said. 

“When are you going to be afraid of hurting my feelings.  When are you going to be concerned about being faithfull to me? Don’t you dare say when we are maried. If you dont do it now,  you wont do it later.” she said. 

“Your right.your right on all acounts. Abie i do care about you. Your feelings are importent to me.  I am sorry. I gues not consider your feelings today. ” he said.

” your not bound to liane any more. You are free to marry. I know you wanted to be a one women man.  She is gone. She is not going to come back. Your obligation to  her has passed. ” she told her. 

“I know that. ” he said.”i dont want to play second fiddle.  I dont want to be a consolation price. I dont want to win you by default. I feel like i am the runner up who is declared the winner after the predecessor is disqualified.  Look i have dated guys before you. They dont matter to me. You are my soul mate. No one else. You dont see it that way. ” she said.

He hugged her. “Your not a consolation prize. ” he told her. “The truth is if leane was stil alive and you had met me, i would not be an afterthought. ” she said.

She started to cry. He held on to her. “If your going to mary me,you have to let her go. I dont want to compete with anyone especially a ghost. I cant do it. The vows say forsaking all orthers. Thats what i want. ” she said.

“I know and i agree. ” he said. She held on to him. “I was going to surprise you with lunch but i got upset. ” she said. “Its fine. ” he said. “Do you like tuna fish? ” she asked. “I do. ” he said. 

“I will be back. ” she said. “Ok. ” he said. She walked upstairs to her apartment.  A few minutes she came back out with a plate of sandwitches. She had changed into a skirt. They went to a picnic table. 

“Oh you might want to ster clear of the more recent meseges. Im sorry. ” she said.  “I am sory i was inconsiderate. ” he said. ” bring your phone to work tomorrow.  ” she said “will do. ” he said.

End of part 9

Next up

Andrew and abby goes to each others churches. They get more involved in eachothers world. He considers going back on a ministry tract.  

 

End of sorrow part 8

Previously on end of sorrow

Andrew lost his fiancée in a car accident just weeks before the wedding was about to occur.  

Though andrew knew that liane is with the lord he took it hard. He shut down.  He gave up his goals of starting new churches. He was still involved in his local church. His heart was not in it sny more. He did the bear minimum of ministry. 

He relationship with the Lord was stagnent at best. A young lady named abby move next to him.  They went from acquaintance to friends. 

She forced him to come out of her shell and hiw lethargy.  At first he fought it tooth and nail. He realized that he could loose abby. He decided that he did not want that.

They had a heart to heart talk. He wants to go slow. He does want to court her. She was agreeable to that. They decided to give it a chance.  

“We should probably call it a night but i am really glad we got to talk. ” abby said. “I am too. Have a good night! ” he said. “You too . i love you. “She said. “I love you too.” he said.

He made sure that she got inside before he went inside. He went inside his place. He called his mom.

“Hi mom.” he said. “Hey andy. “She said.”abby and i had a long talk tonight.  We are going to give a relationship a try. ” he said.

“Are you good with this? ” she asked.”i am good with it. I really like her. I just never imagined that i could be involved with someone other then liane. It is going to take a while to get use to it. ” he said. 

“You told abby that?” his mom asked. “I did. She is open to going slow. She just wants a commitment.  I am ready for that. I am at a point where i can commit to abby. ” he told her.

“Good. I am glad to hear that.  Keep talking. Be open and honest with her. Be honest with yourself. Commitment is a one time thing and an ongoing thing. It is what the bible would call an on going decision with ongoing consequences.  It is one big decisions folowed up by little ones. If you pursue abby you must persue her to the exclusion of everyone else.  That includes liane. ” his mom said.

He knew that his mom was right. It was still hard. He tried to do that. He wanted to be a one woman man. He knew that if he really wanted to be with abby. He knew if he was going to be with abby, he had to be with abby.

He knew that he could always count on his mom to tell him what he needed to hear. He knew that she would tell him what he wanted to hear even when he did not want to hear it. He often sought his mom out because he knew that she would be candid. He thanked the lord for both his parent’s and there wisdom.

He went to his living room. He had a picture of him and liane.  He looked at the picture. He took it and put the picture of them in a box. He took all the pictures he had in a box. He put it in a cubbyhole. He closed it. He took a breath.

The next day he left his place. He got in his car. He decided to take a deter before he went for to his job. He stoped at the home of clark ans jacky.

 He went out back and saw clark near his garage.  “Andrew it has been a long time sense you have stopped by. ” clark said. “I know it. I practically lived hear did i not?” he asked.

“Jacky and i wondered if liane stil lived hear. I gues it is a matter of perspective.  ” clark said.  “Probably.  ” he said.

“We miss seing you hear. We understand why. ” clark said. “There are a lot Of memories hear.  ” he remarked. “You two were attached to the hip. ” clark said.  “Indeed we were. ” he said. 

“Look sir. I wanted to talk to you in private. The young lady at the picnic.  We are going to try to date. I am sorry you had to see us together before i had a time to talk to you personally.  It was kind of last minute. ” he told her. 

“I am glad you came to see me. Look andy i know you loved liane. I have no doubt of how much lee ment to you.  Jacky and i talked about it. We both feel the same way. Liane would have wanted you to move on with your life. You are young. You have mourned enough.  There is a time to mourn. That time has passed. It will be hard to see you with someone else. It was bound to happen. I dont begrudge you for wanting to move on. There is no hard feelings. ” clark said.

“Thank you i really appreciate that. It means alot. ” he told him. “The lord has his hand on you. I am sure of that. He will use you. I believe that strongly. ” clark said.

This was a very hard visit.  He felt he had to do it. He went to his car. He changed his profile picture om facebook. It had been a picture of him taken at his parents house.he lookef at pictures of him. He found one of himself and abby. It was taken at the concert. He made it to the profile picture.

Then he sent abby a relationship request. He hit send. He headed to his work place. 

Abby was glad that they had talked. She felt that they had gotten somewhere. She was not sure if this was a big step or a smal step.  She was willing to take either. 

She heard a ping on her phone. She saw a face book update.  She clicked on it. It was a relationship request from andy. It had been said that a relationship was not oficial until it was on facebook. She saw that he had changed his profile pic. He was sending her a mmessage . He was serious.  

She cried a bit. She tended to get emotional.  She was a bit of a softie. She loved him. She knew that she did. She hit accept.

She looked though her pics. She had several pics of them. There was a pic of them at his church during there picnic. She put that as her profile pic.

She texted him. “I love i love i love you i love you!”. She sent it. He saw the text before he clocked in. He texted her back.  “I love you sweet heart.” he told her.

Work had gone well. He was happy when the day was over. He was happy that the day went fast. He had had a good day. Work had gone well. He had headed out . he had clocked out. He headed to the car. 

He opened the car door. He checked his phone. He was suprised that there were no messages from abby. He checked his Facebook.  Everyone from immediate to take extended family to friends, school mates ,church people etc. He was excited to see the messages.  Everyone was excited by there news.

He drove to his place. He parked. Her car was gone. He was suprised.  He left the car. He went inside the house. He decided to call her. 

” hi there!  I lost tract of time. I am heading back to my apartment.  ” she said.  After a few seconds he saw her car pull in. ” come on.”she said. ” where are we going?” he asked. ” we are going out for dinner to celebrate our relationship.  I thought we go to the spot of our first date. ” he said.

“Should i change? ” he asked. “No you look fine. Come on.” she said.he chuckled.  He got in. Off they went.  

End of part 8

Next up 

Abby and andy go out on a date to celebrate there new relationship.  

Panic attack part 9

Previously  on  panic attack 

Jack the son of a pastor meets a young lady with a tragic past. At first she and her family are reluctent to accept him. After a time Kristin is wiling to pursue a relationship with her . she and her fanily put some stipulation on it. 

Jack was eating breakfast with his family. “So. Your mom and i were talking. We would like to get to know Kristin more. ” his pastor commented.

“We would like to have her over for supper. We were wondering if she could come tomorow night. ” his mom said. “I will invite her.” jack told his mom.

He figured that she would be open to coming over to dinner at some point. He had no idea of she would want to come over this soon.  He was almost afraid to ask her. He was not sure how his parents would feel if she declined or wanted a rain check.  He decided not to create a crises before it happened. 

Jack got ready for his day.  Then he dialed her number. “Hi krissy. ” jack said.  ” hi jack. How are you?” she asked.  ” good. How are you?” she asked. “Doing good.  Kris my parents were wondering if you could come over for dinner tomorrow.  ” he asked you.

“Tomorow?” she asked. “Yes. Is this too little prior nottice?” he asked. “No . yea i can come tomorow.  “She said.”awesome!  I will let mom know. ” he said. “Thank them for inviting me. ” she said.” i will do that. ” he said.

“I have to admit that i am really nervous. ” she admited. “I gathered  that.  It will be fine. They really like you. Mom and dad are realy great.  You have nothing to wory about.  I know it is going to go great. ” he assured her. 

“I do want to go. I. Just really nervous about it. I am just worried i will make a bad impresson. What if They dont think i am good enough of there little boy?” she remarked. “Now you know how i feel. I was so nervous when i came to diner at your house. ” he said. 

“I am not really good at this stuff. ” she said.  “It is really low pressure i promise.  Just relax. It will be ok. ” he said. “It is a good thing i love you and your cute!” she said. “You think im cute?” he asked. “Dont let it go to your head. Your not that cute?” she said laughing. He laughed.

“It really will be ok. ” he assured her. ” yea i know.  Ok i trust you. ” she said.”good.  I am really excited about this. I think it is going to be great. I really do. ” he said.  “Ok. I hope your right. ” she said.

After she hung up,  she went downstairs. “Are you ok kris?” ashly asked. “Yea. Jack’s perrents invited me to dinner tomorrow. ” she said. “Are you going to go?” her mom asked.  “I agreed to go. I hope i dont regret it. ” kristin said. “You seam realy nervous.  ” her mom said. “I guess i am. What if i say something stupid?” she asked.

“Well jack had to come to dinner with us. Its only fair that you have to go to dinner with them. ” her mom said. “I know. I am not really a good at this.  ” kris said.  “You will do fine.they already like you. You have there permission to date him. ” her mom said. “I realy want them to be my in laws someday. If i mess this up that might not happen. ” she said. “Dont worry about it. Just relax. You will do fine.  “Ashly said.

 Friday night came. It got close to being the time to go to the rayburn’s.she decided to wate a pink sweater with a gray skirt. She wore black shoes. She braded her hair. She went downstairs.  “Do i look ok?” she asked.  “You look great.  ” ashly asked.”you sure? ” she asked. “You look fine kris!” her mom said. 

She took a deep breath.  She huged her mom and sister. She went to her car. She got in. She drove to the home of the rayburns. 

 The jeep she drove pulled up at the  home of the pastor and his family. She hoped she had a few secconds to take a deep breath. She was sighted. Jack watched for him at the window. He walked out of the home. 

He walked over to her. He smiled and she smiled back. “You look realy nice tonight. ” he said. “Thank you. ” she said. He hugged her. They walked inside. 

“Hi kristin. ” mrs rayburn said.  “Thank you for inviting me. ” kristin told them. “Our plesure. We have wanted to have you over for a while now.  “Pastor rayburn said. “I asked jack if you had any alergies or was vegiterian or anything like that. ” his mom said.”i dont have any algeries. I am not picky at al. “Kristin said. ” i did not think so. ” mrs. Rayburn said. 

 The rayburns had five children aside from jack. Jack was the oldest at age 24 and the youngest was a year old. Kristin was seated next to jack and his sister kate. They serrved lasagna whitch she loved. 

 “So i hope Timothy and rachele are minding you well during there piano lessons?” mrs rayburn said.”they are doing very well. I am happy to them. I cant wait to start teaching anna. Someday little merissa. ” kristin said. 

“Mayby you can teach jack to play the piano.  ” his brother Philip suggested. “Yea. You dont want that. I think the two piano teachers decided to retire after trying to teach me. “Jack said. “He is the only rayburn in the family that does not play an instrament. ” kate said. “Aside from myself.  ” pastor rayburn said. 

” everyone has unique abilities.  Not everyone has to play a musical instrament. ” kristin said. “I can play the radio. ” jack said. “I am an avid radio player.  ” pastor rayburn said. The family laughed.

“My poor family has heard my corny jokes alot. It is nice to meet someobe who has bot heard them. ” pastor rayburn said. ” you dont have to tell them all at once. ” mrs rayburn said.they all laughed. 

” “so how do you like our church?” kate asked. “I really like it. Our whole family does. Everyone has been really great. ” Kristin said. “We enjoy your whole family.  Your family has been a great adition to the family. “Pastor rayburn said. “Thank you.  ” kristin said. 

“We try to have a family atmosphere at church. ” mrs. Rayburn said. “You really do. We apreciate how everyone went out of there way to make us feel welcomed. “Kristin said. 

The night was going well. Kristin enjoyed being with jack’s family.  ” so has dad checked your doctrinal satement?” Philip asked. “No i dont think that i dissagre on doctrine.  I read from king james bible,only wear dreses or skirts. I dont subscribe to penticostal or reformed theology. I am not neo evengelical and believe in separated from rommon catholism. ” Kristin said. “He is kidding with you. ” kate said. She laughed.  

“You dont listen to klove do you?” phil asked. Oh no she thought. She does listen to klove. She squeeze jack’s hand. ” you will have to excuse Phil.  He is stil young and does not always know when things are appropriate. ” jack said.

Then jack changd the conversation. As they had desert she  forget to take her anti dipresents.”oh no?” she thought.  She left it at home.she started to panic.  She got qiet. 

After a while, he went after to her. ” hunnie?  Are you ok?” jack asked. ” i forgot to take my antidipresent. ” she said.  “Are you ok? ” jack asked. “I think so.  ” she said. 

After spending time with the family they went to the steps. ” im sory i listen to k love. I know i probably should not. Thank you for helping me out. ” she said. ” no problem.  What are boyfriends for?” he asked. ” i hate that you have to cover for me! ” she said.  

“Its fine. ” he said. ” i should realy get back” she said. “You dont have..  oh ok.”he said. He remembered there rule. She went inside and thanked them for there hospitility. They thanked her for coming. He walked her to her car.

 His patents did not know anything was ary. ” you two make a cute couple.”mrs. Rayburn said.  “I think so.” jack said. “You really like her?” his dad asked. “I do. ” he said. 

Later that night she called. “Sory i left abruptly. “She said. “Its fine. ” he said.”are you sure? ” she asked. “Yes i am sure. ” he said.  

To be continued. 

 

End of sorrow part seven 

Previously on end of sorrow 

 Andrew lost his fiancée just before they were to be maried. A year later he met a penticostal girl named abby.she became his neighbor. She was interested in him romantically.  She did all she could to pesure him. He did not seem to be interested.  He tended to go back and forth.

His mom warned him not to go back and forth. She told him to be in it or not. She instructed him not to be in between.  She decided that she had to talk to her. 

He sat on his steps for a bit. He tried to short things out. He was ready to talk to her at least he thought he was.

He took out his phone.  He texted her. “Hey abby can you come out to the steps? ” he asked in the text.

They both had the rule that they would never be alone together until or unless they were maried. They haf never been inside the other’s apartment. They did not hang out on each other’s steps.  

The door opened.   Abby came out. She wore a blue shirt and jeens. She was wearing flip flops. She smiled at him.he smiled back.  “You summoned me? ” she said in a playfull tone.

She sat down next to him. “I wanted to talk to you. ” he said.”whats up?”she asked.  “My mom is woried i am sending you mixed singles.  She says if i keep hesitating, some penticostal guy is going to scoop you up. “Andrew said. 

” that is not going to happen andy. I would not let that happen. ” she assured him. “Its not fair. I dont want to hurt you. I do care about you. I dont want to see you hurt.” he told her.

“I know that. I know this is hard.  “Abby said.  ” in many ways liane and i dated sence we were little kids. I realy believed us getting maried was part of his plan. It made sense.  Everything seemed to be building towards that . that was no reason to not head in that direction.  Then in a split seccond,  it all changed. She is gone. My life my ministry it was all intertwined with her. I thought that was how it should be. Now nothing makes sense. I am lost.” he said. 

” i am not unsympathetic.  I would feel the same way.  To invest tbat much in someone else. ” she said. 

“I dont know where to go now. I dont know how to think or feel. I am not angery with God. I just dont get it. When liane died i figured i would be single the rest of my life. I had no desire to be with anyone. I had no desire for romance. Over time i became content to remain that way. ” he said.  

“Is that what you want ?” she asked. “I dont know. I did not think of it that way. I am not sure i have it in me to comit to someone. I am not sure i can be vanerable again.  I am not sure i am ready to love again. I dont know if i ever will. It is hard for me to let my gaurd down.  To embrace you. To even let you in. I find that dificult.i do care about you. I love spending time with you.   I love having you in my life. I gues i am sending you mixed signals.  I am truly sory for that. The last thing i want is to hurt you. Your so sweet!” he said. 

She smiled. She rested her head on his shoulders.  ” i know that.  I know you care about me. I know this is hard for you. I can’t begin to know all the things you have felt. The internal strugles. The not wanting to let anyone get to close to you. Are you open to the posibility of an us ?” abby asked. 

 “I am open to that possibility.  ” he said.  “I understand that you want to go slow. I ubderstand this is hard.  I know it will take time.  I need some commitment if your part. I need you to comit to us even if it is sometime In The future. I need stability secuity. I know we are not goung to mart tomorrow although it would be nice. I will wait if i know that i am waiting for something real. If there is something to wait for.  I cant wait for something that will never happen. If i know we are working towards something.  Something tangible. ” she said.

“Do you see me as your potential husband? “He asked.  “Yes i do. I have liked you sense that first day when i moved in. I would hornored to be your wife. “She said.

“I like you abby.i really do.i am afraid to open up again.  I am afraid to let my gaurd down.” he said. ” we are not in control.  Any control we believe we have is an ilisuon. We dont control anything. We dont sit in the drivers seat. We are not promised another second of breath.  What is our life is it even a vapor? Our times are in his hands.  I dont have a clue what the future holds. Im ok with that. I have never been on control not totaly.  I chose to rely in the one who is. Whatever happens. Though he slay me yet will i trust in him. This is not you. You are not living your existing. I have seen the real you. You cant keep your gourd up foever.” she said.  

“I know that. I know i am not in control.  I am ok with it. It is dificult. Do you want to mary me someday?” he asked.  “Yes i do. I think we will make a great couple. I want you to get back on tract. We will start a church as you wanted to. I will be a pastors wife. We will have kids. We will serve the lord together . are you open to us marrying eachorher? ” he asked. “Yes i am open to that. ” he said.  

“Look im not liane. I will never be her.  I cant be. I have a different personality.  Different background life experience.  I am a different person. I am far from a perfect person.  I have a lot of love to give. I have been told i have the gift of encouragement.  I would love to be able to be an encouragement to you. I think we will make a great team. ” she said. 

“You do really care about me?” he asked.”i do. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I am committed to that. I want that. We can take it slow.i just want you to commit to me. Commit to mariege in the future.  Even if it is much later.  As i said i l would marry you tomorrow but i am willing to wait as long as i am waiting for something. I am wiling to go on your pace. ” she told him. 

“I know your not liane. I dont want you to be her. I do like you. I love who you are. Your funy silly at times. I love your bubly attitude. I love the thought of spending the rest of my life with you. I like it alot.”he said. 

” i appreciate your honesty. I know it was hard for you to open up like this.  I want you to be honest with me. I want to get to know you. Keep opening up. You can trust me i will never judge you. “She said.

“I am sorr if i hurt you. I am Sory to send mixed meseges. ” he told her. “I was hurt i wont lie. I was discoureged. I need you to let me in. I need you to try. I need you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. I want to see you working at this. “She said. 

“I hate the thought of you with someone else.  ” he said. “I hate that too. I dont want to be someone else. I want to be with you. I am not going anywhere as long as you dont push me away.  Lets work on this together. ” she said. 

“Ok. I do want to go slow but at the same time i want to move froward. Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. “Yes i will. ” she said. He smiled. He hugged her. She held on to him. Neither one wanted to let the other go. 

End of part 7. 

End of sorrow part six

Andrew lost his fiancé two years ago. He was still not over her. Then he got a new neighbor.  A bubbly outgoing penticoastal girl named abby. Abby is determined to bringing andrew out if his doldrums.  It was proving harder then she anticipated. 

For a time she decided to back off. She gave him some space.  She invited herself to a picnic at his church. Now they were headed to her church for the saterday evening church. 

“I am not going to melt or spontaneously combust am i?” andrew asked. “You never know. There is this weird stain in the lobby.  No on wants to talk about it!” she said. “Funny! ” he said. “You will be fine. ” she assured him. 

He parked the car. They excited the car. At some point in the walk up they started to hold hands. It was unclear who inciated it. Abby realized they were holding hands again. She decided to conduct an experiment.  She took her hand out of his. He took her hand back.her heart started to pound. He smiled at her in a way she had never seen him smile before. 

He held the door for her. A couple friends came up to them. ” so you really excist!” her friend james remarked. “Was my existence in question? ” he asked. They laughed.”a little. ” april said.   He laughed.  “I do exist! ” he said. They laughed.

They walked in. They sat down. Abby was getting woried. Everytime they had a breakthough he withdrew. She was not sure he was really ready to fully embrace her. He had gotten swept up into the moment. She feared he would panic and withdraw again. She was nervous.

Mayby this was a bad idea.mayby she had gotten swept up in the moment. She had to stop herself from panicking.  

“You got qiet all of a sudden. You ok?” he asked.  “Yea im fine. ” she said. “Just making sure.  ” he said. 

During the worship time abby sang and danced and raised her hands. Every once in a while she whispered to him asking him how he was doing. He said he was fine. He laughed. 

After the service they mingled quite a bit. Eventually they made it to the parking lot. They went to the car.”what did you think?” she asked. “The preaching was good. Not quite as good as my pastor but it was  good. ” he said.

They went to the car. They got into the vehicle.  “I am really glad you came! ” she said smiling. “I am glad i did too. ” he told her. The car headed to there street. 

They talked for a bit on the steps.”i had a good day with you!” he told her. “I had a good day with you. ” she said.  They said there goodbyes. She went inside. 

She felt anxious.  She did have a good day. It was amazing.  She feared that he really was not ready.the shadow of liane lingered. Mayby she should just walk away. She did not want to. 

 She was falling in love with him. He was who she wanted to be with for the rest of her life.  He might never be there.  Liane had become larger then life. She started to take on Mythological proportion.  Abby could not hope to compete with a legend. 

She started to cry. She had no idea what to do. She believed that the lord was bringing them together. It made sense. She hoped That he could move on. This was harder then she ever could have imagined. 

Later that week, andrew got a phone call. “Hi mom!” he said. “Andrew i wanted to talk to you about something! ” she said. “Oh?” he said.

“Abbygail really likes you. ” his mom said.”i know she does. I think the world of her. She is a spitfire but she is a sweetheart.  ” he said. “Andrew. I dont think you understand. ” she said. “What do you meen?” he said.

“She really likes you. I think she thinks that you and her might have a future togerher. A lasting one. “She said. “I see. Are you sure?” he asked. “Yes i am.” she said.

“Did she tell you that?” he asked. “No. She did not have to. Look i know liane’s death was hard on you. It breaks my heart that you have to go though this. You have had to deal with things no one should have to at your age. Abby has feelings too. Do not hurt that girl andrew! If you cant give her your heart or you dont want her, tell her.  Saver all ties now. She wont like it but she will get over it. Do not string her along. Dont make her wait foever for you if you cant commit. Do not do it! ” she admonished him. 

“You think im stringing her along?” andy asked. “Not intentionally  but that is the result never the less. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. “She told him. ” i know that.  ” he said. “Do not hurt her.either be in it or be out. Do not try to ride the fence. ” she said.

“You think that is what i am doing?” he asked.  “I do. I know why but its not fair to her. “She said “i had not thought of it in these terms.” he said.

“Your under the impreson that she will wait for you forever but she may not. Some penticostal may scoop her up. She wont wait foever. She may want to and plan to. If you keep rebuffing her and someone else comes in. She still go with him. She just will.if you keep on this road you will lose her. You will. I gurente it. I would really think about this. I would decide now. She wont wait not foever. ” she said. 

He knew she was right . he had not condidered any of it. He did not consider her leaving him and moving on to be a real posibility. His moms words were like a splash of cold watter on his face while sleeping. He did not know what to do. Could he say goodbye to her foever? Could he fully embrace her.he just did not know. 

End of part six. 

Next up 

Andy sits down with abby for a heart to heart.  

The wedding party

Mat’s sister tracy was getting married.  There dad died a few years earlier. The job of giving away the bride fell to matt. It was hard for everyone in the family. There dad had been larger then life. His absence was felt. They were independent fundamental Baptist and they were confident that he was in the presence of the lord. The upcoming wedding made his absence felt even more. 

Everyone was excited for tracy. Mat felt that it was his responsibility to make sure that the wedding was everything she dreamed it to be. He felt that he was his dad’s stand in. He took that duty very seriously. He wanted tracy to have a wedding she would never forget.  

Matt had attended an independent baptist church. When his farther died unexpectedly, he took over the pastoral duties of the church. The church eventually voted him in as pastor. This kept him buisy. 

This week he took week off to get ready for the wedding.  An old pastor would aficiate. 

Friday 

Seven days before the wedding.  

“Hey! Steve wants me to come with her when he takes his parrents and grand parents out for dinner tomorrow.  Can you pick up amber at the airport? “Tracy asked. “Yea sure.  Is she going to be slain in the sprit on the ride back?” he asked. 

“I have no idea. With her you never can tell. ” tracy said. “That i know.  “He answered.  

Amber was tracy’s best friend .they met while they worked at a restaurant one summer. They had it off despite differences.  Tracy was an independent fundamental Baptist and amber was penticostal. She was the only other christian there. They had become close friends. 

Amber had been thriled when tracy asked her to be her maid of honor.  She moved to the west coast for colege. She went to work for the college after she graduated. 

Matt knew amber quite well. She had come over to there house quite frequently.  They had a cordial relationship. He did gril her on doctrinal isues from time to time. When there farther died,she fkew out for the funeral. She cooked meels and took care of the minute stuff. No one in the family would forget her kindness and attention.they made sure she knew how appreciative they were of her. 

“Thank you i really appreciate this.i am trying not to double book myself.it has not always worked out that way. Your a life savior. I will tell amber to be on her best behavior.  No prothetic uterence at least not in an unknown tounge. ” tracy said.”i guess that will have to suffice! ” he said. 

Saterday

6 days before the wedding. 

He drove to the airport.  He had a collection of hyms playing on the radio. He got a little nervous. He felt a little apprehensive.  

He parked and went inside. He saw the passengers arived. He saw her.she wore a pink t shirt with a gray skirt and flip flops. She had his luggage with her. She knew that matt was going to pick her up. 

There eyes met. She smilled at her and he smiled back. “Hi amber its good to see you!” he told her.she gave her a hug. She had no idea why she did that. That was not like her. She stoped and moved away. “Im sorry! “She said. He chuckled.  “Its fine!” he said. 

“So are you in a hury to get back or do you want to stop for lunch?” he asked. “Can we,i am starving. I gotthe cheapest airfare there is. I did not even get a package of penuts. “She said. 

“Yea of course. It will give us time to catch up. “He remarked. “I would like that.  “She answered. “Great!” he said. 

They went to the car. They got into the car. He started the car. “I have a cd in but you can turn on the radio if you want. “He said. “Thank you” she said. She put on the radio. She put on k love. 

“Ccm! I should have known. ” he said. “Yes. You should have. I know your not suportive of k love . you believe the old hymms are the only viable kind of music for the church.  I disagree with you on that.  “She told him. 

“This is a topic we dont agree on. I will let you play iy never the less. “He told her. She laughed. “Ok. I appreciate that. ” she said. 

They went to the restaurant.  “So how do you feel about our miss tracy being all grown up?” she asked. “Weird. Seams like yesterday she was a baby. I am happy for her. Steve is a good guy. He loves the lord and loves her. I have seen the lord working in both there lives. It is a little bitersweet. ” she said. “I figured.”she said.

“I guess it was only a matter of time before she got married and moved out of her own. It is stil hard. I am her big brother. It is my job to worry about her. ” he said. 

“It is a lot of responsibility.  “She said. “I appreciate you recognizing that. I dont mind doing it but it is a lot. I dont take it lightly.  I want to do right by my dad,my mom tracy and the whole family. ” he said.

“Your doing fine. It is all going to come together. It is not going to be a success.  ” she remarked. 

“I hope so. ” he said ” i know it will.it cant be easy with your dad gone!” she remarked. “I miss him.i feel his absence the closer we get to the weading day. ” he answered.  “How is your mom doing with all this? ” she asked. “She has not said anything. I know that it is hard for her. She has the same mixed feelings we all do. ” he said. “Understandable.  “She said.

“I gues dad not being hear is the elephant in the room.  Weare trying to make it special for Tracy.  This is the first lathen wedding.  ” he said.

“Well put me to work. Whatever you need, ask! I am totally at your disposal. ” she said. “You should not tell me that.i might overload you with all the stuff i dont want to do. ” he told her. “You can overload me. I dont mind. I am hear for you. ” she said. She ment to say im hear for your family. Could that have been what she ment to say?

“Thank you.  I really appreciate that.” he told her. “No problem. “She said. “The truth is that i could use a helper. I dont mind being overloaded but i would like to have someone to share the load with. ” he said. She knew that he was not only talking about the work load.she wanted to make sure he knew that she was wiling to share the emotional load as well.  

“I am so glad your hear. ” he said. “Thanks. So how have you been?” she asked. “Extremely buisy but good. The church keeps me buisy. The church is really growing. I am excited by all that is happening. How are you?” he asked. 

“Good. Between the flower shop and and working at the college.  I like the area but i miss my home town and area.  ” she said. “Have you considered moving back? ” he asked. “I love working at the college but yes i could see myself moving back. “She answered.  That answer made him smile. She took notice of that.

To be continued.