Panic attack part 13

Previously on panic attack.

Jack was traning for the ministry.  He had been a bible student student.  He was now being mentored by his father. Jack was heavily involved in the church. He was a defecto assistant asistent pastor. He sat in on deacons meetings.  

While many bible schools were the places where young men trained for the ministry met there spouse. That did not happen for jack. Jack graduated without finding the future mrs. Rayburn. 

Then he met Kristen.  A young women that capitivated him. He liked her almost immediately. She was reserved at first.  She withdrew from him. 

She was injured in a car accident a few years erlier. Her farther was killed. She was in a coma and then had a long convalescence and rehabilitation.  She bounced back with help from her mom and sisters.

It left scars visible and invisible. She sufers with anxiety and depression.  She was prone to panic attacks. She was reluctant to date him at first. she then agreed. 

It was difficult relationship at times.there was advance folowed by retreat.  It seemed to be circuler. It was advance,retreet, repeat. It could be frustrating at time. His affection for her grew and grew. Despite the difficulties he realy liked her. 

He felt like she  had let her in.  He loved that he showed how she couped with things. She had ler her in.  He felt like going with her for a drive helped him understand her. It was a huge breakthough.

His parents had invited the chairman of the deacons bored over for dinner. Dr. Wendel bears was a former missionary to kenya. He and his wife had returned to the us. They were rited from the misson field not from christian service. There children moved out and had children of there own. 

After dinner the men were outside on the porch. “So you and kristin are an item?” dr. Bears asked. ” yes we are. ” he said. “She seams like a very nice young lady. She is qiet. Reserve. ” the older man. “She is very nice. ” he said. 

“She seams to have qualities that are complimentary to someone who is working towards entering the ministry.  “Dr. Bears said. “I have observed that as well sir. ” jack told the older man. 

“I do,however have some concerns. ” he said. “Ok! What are those concerns sir? ” jack asked. “Well prior to the car crash that took the life of mr.greener and injured kristin they attended redemption Baptist church .after the acident they left r.b.c and attended quite a few different churches some independent fundamental baptist and some more evangelical and seaker sensitive.  I dont know the circumstances of there departure from those churches.  They seem to have for lack of a better term church shopped.  They dont apear to be tethered to a church or teather to a doctrine.  It may be nothing. Sense i am at your home and can talk to you freely.  I did want to mention it.” dr. Bears said. 

“Do you see it as a red flag?” he asked. “Potentialy but not necessarily.  I know pastor broaden and several people ay r.bc.they were a suporting church. It is a good church. I cant believe anyone would up and leave after a tragedy.  Things happen i suppose.  ” the older man said.

Jack had a feeling he knew why they left. He suspected that it had something to do with the fact that kristin is on antidepressants and under the care of psychologists. 

“I was not sure where they attended before coming to gospel Baptist.  It never came up. Talking about things in and around the event is difficult. ” jack said. 

“Of course. I am not trying to alter your decison to court mis grener. I wantes to bring it to your attention. I consider pastor broaden to be faithful servent of tehe lord. The fact that they roam form church to church is a bit problematic. “Dr. Bears said. 

“It could be.”he admitted.  “During courtship it is a good idea to have. Plenty of information.  We must gather information. Even facts we dislike.  I am hardly saying you should not court her but dont rush into things.”he said. 

Later that night. “You and doctor bears had an intense conversation!” pastor rayburn remarked. “Dr. Bears has some concerns. It seemed kristin and her family has switchedcuhurches a lot. She used to go to pastor broaden’s church.” he said. “I was not aware that they attended lee’s church. I hope i did not steal his sleep.” his dad said. “They have gone to a few sence then. Thats what i have heard.  I have not gotten any confirmation of that from her. “Jack said. 

“I see. What was the nature of dr. Bear’s concern?”his dad asked.”he was concerned that her family church shops. They are not committed to a church. “Jack said. 

“There could be reasons for it.”his dad said. “I think i know why. She takes meds for anxietyand depression. She is under a psychologist care. “Jack said. 

“You knew? “He asked. “Yes she was woried what how you would react. I figured we should figure it out on our react. She is on some prety serious anti dupresents. She canot just go off some of them. ” he said. 

“Jack i wish you had said something.”his dad said. “I know.  I just wanted a chance to figure all this out. “Jack said. “I understand that you want to protect kristin. You are a leader in the church. You do have responsibilities. “He said. “I know that.”he said. 

“They are not curently members. We can ask attenders not to come. We have had to do that in the past. ” pastor rayburn said. “Is church disipline warented hear?”jack asked. “I dont know.  We as a church did not ask them not to see a psychologist or not to take anti anxiety meds. Perhaps it is best not to temper with it. “His dad said. 

“I would like to visit pastor broaden.  Ask him about it. “Jack said.” ok. Jack the bible says that God goves some pastor, teachers, evengelists etc. They are to watch souls. They must give acounts. If they were asked to cease and desist and did not, it is a concern. ” the pastor said. 

“I understand. I agree. I am sory i did not tell you.”he said. “I accept your apology. Talk to pastor broaden. You might want to consider slowing down your relationship with her.” he said.”perhaps.  “Jack said. 

“Look we will see what hapends with lee broaden. Find out what happened at redemption baptist. Then we will go from there.”he said. 

He usualy called kristin but did not call her tonight.  He read in the bible as was his Tradition . his phone went off. He picked it up. “Hello!” he said. 

“Hi you did not call tonight! ” she commented.  “I had a long day.  I worked and then dr. And mrs bears came over. ” he told her.

“Oh ok. Its just not like you. You always call. ” he said. “I know . ” he said. “Is something up?” she asked. “No, nothing is up .” he said. “Your sure? ” she asked. “Yea. ” he said.”ok. I will let you go. Get some sleep. I will talk to you later. ” she said. “Ok.”he said. “I love you!” kristin said. “I love you. “He said. 

The next day he went to the nearby town of riverview. He drove to redemption baptist church. He went inside. “Hello pastor broaden. ” jack said. “Helo. Wait a minute! Your john rayborn’s son. ” he said. “It is good to see you sir. ” he said. 

“I remember when you were a little kid. ” he said. “I am all grown up now.” he said. “It seems so. ” he said.

“I am courting kristin grenner. I had some questions about her family’s attendance at your church. ” he said.”oh i see. Come this way. ” he said.

They went to his office. They sat down. “The greners came to my church sense kritin was young. I went fishing and hunting with rick.  My daughters and kristin were freinds. Kristin and her sisters spent many days at my house. We were devisated when rick was killed and kristin injured. Diane’s philosophy seemed to be two structures. Faith and medicine.  Like max plank she seemed to beleve that never the twain shal meet. She took everything the doctors said as fact. She alowed kristin to be treated with strong dosege of anti dipresents. Kristin was under the care of a psychologist that beleves in things contrary to the word of God. We expresed our concerns. Myself and the deacons felt we were not taken seriously.  Her arguments against our views did not take into account the bible. It was Diane’s decision to leave the church. We were sad to see them go. I was unaware that they were going to your church. They went to a mega church for a while. I know they went to a reformed church for a while then a middle of the road baptist church.  I had lost touch. ” he said.

“I did not know this.  This is concerning. ” he said. “I dont want to dissuade you from courting kristin. As i sad i knew you when she was little. I do have concerns. ” he said. 

 He went to barea Baptist church. He pulled in. He went to the office of the pastor. “Helo im jack rayburn. I am an assistant pastor at gospel baptist church. I had some questions about kristin grenner and her family. They are attending our church. ” he said.

“I liked the greners. They seem to be adjusting to our church. Kristin was part of our worship team. She played the keyboard and was a vocal as well.  They came to our church thinking that we were a bit more moderate then the churches they previously attended.  We use contemporary praise music, we are less strict on dress and so on.  We were however. On the same page on the isue of anti dipresents and seculer psychologist. We felt that diane put the views of secueler medical professionals above the word of God or sprituel leaders. She decided to leave. I was sory to see them go. I am suprised they returned to a fundamental baptist church. “Pastor eric tilson said. 

He went back to car. Before he could get into to his car his phone went off.he did not check his caller i.d. he just answered it. “Hello.” he said. “Jack i drop by the parsonage but you were not there. Where are you? ” kristin asked. “I am in riverview!” he said.  “What are you doing in riverview? ” she asked. ” i am on church business.  I am heading home.” he said. “Ok. Do you want to hang out tonight?”she asked. “Not tonight. I have some church business i need to go over with my dad.    It might take a while. ” jack said. “Oh ok. Well i will talk to you later. ” she said.”ok. ” he said. “I love you!” she said “i love you too. ” she said. Then the call ended. 

At home he told his dad what he learned. “I see. What concerns me is that they seem to put human wisdom and science falsly so called as superceding the bible and pastoral authority. They seem to  ignore pastors and deacons.  When presed they leave. ” his dad said.

“Kristin was 17 when the acident accured. Though she had graduated high school,she was still a minor when the crash occured. She was under her moms gaurdienship. She had little say. She might not have had a lot of options then. Once on some of these meds it is unwise to get off of them.” jack said. 

“I realize that jack. Kristin was initialy in no condition to protest. Kristin has been taught directly or indirectly that the church is a part of your life. A social club.it is not that inportent. It is a box in a series of boxes that make up a person. It is not an all emcompising thing that charecterizes life. God works though the church. The church is our identity.  A matryr when totured did not say his name. When asked his name he said he was a christian. We canot separate our identity from the body of christ. God gave pastors teachers evangelist for the equipping of the sants.  I am disturbed that there default posistion when think get tough is to leave. I fear we are a blip. Eventualy they would have left our church. They stil may. They are no committed to any one church or mayby not any one set of principles.  It would be unsafe for her  come off that medication.  No doctor would alow it. I Am not telling you to break up with her. You may want to talk to her about all this. “He said.  

“I realy like her dad. “He said. “I do too. So does your mom. This might not be a good idea. ” he said. “Would you be opposed to my continuing to see her?” he asked. “No. I hope you will think about this. Realy make sure she is the one.” he said. “Do you thibj she is not?” he asked. “I dont know. She is a nice young lady. These new facts give me pause.  ” his dad admitted.  

The mext day he called her. “Hi kristin are you going to be home today?” he asked.  “Yea. ” she answrred. “Can i come over? I wont stay long.  I wanted to talk to you about something. ” he said. “Ok. Sure come over. ” she said. 

He drove in. She came out. She wrnt over to hug him but he retreated.  She disengaged. They sat on thr steps. He left a distence between them. 

“What’s up?” she asked.  “I want to take a break. I want to revaluate our relationship.  I think we need some time apart. “He said.

“Is this because of my medication?”she asked. “Partially.  I know you have bounced from church to church. Your mom does not apear to believe in church leadership. Your not tethered to gbc or to i.f.b doctrine.” he said.

“How do you know all this? ” she asked. “I talked to pastor broaden and pastor tilson. ” he said. “Thats why you were in riverview?” she asked. “Yea.” he asked.

“You said break not breakup.  Your thinking about caling us off?” she asked. “Yes i supose i am. ” he said. “Dont you like us as a couple?” she asked. “Of course i do. You know i enjoy being with you. ” he said. “I thought you did. Look you  shoud go. “She said. “Alright. Good day kristin.  ” he said. He walked away. 

 End of part 13

Next up kristin and jack go there separate ways or do ?

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Panic attack part tenĀ 

Previously on painic attack.

A car acident takes the life of Kristen’s farther. She is hospitalized for an extended stay. She sufferes form emotional trauma including anxiety and depression. 

 At first she was not interested in a romantic relationship. Aftet meeting jack a pastor’s son,she decided to give it a try. In manny ways they are very different. They are slowly learning how to relate to her.

Jack was working on a sermon when his phone rang. He realized it was Kristen. “Hey krissy.”he said. “Hey can you come over for super on Thursday? ” she asked. “Thirsday is fine. I have to get an oil change but i should done by 3:00 or so.”he said.

“Woa. What? “She asked. “I should be done by 3:00! “He said.  “No before that?”she asked. ” i have to have the ouk changed on my car. “He said.

“Your going to have a gerage do it?”she asked.  “I usually do! Why?”he asked. “Come by early. I will do it. “She said.” wait? You change oil?”he asked. “Yea i change the oil on the jeep or mom’s Car all the time. Bring your by and we can do it together. Just bring cloth’s to change into it. “She said. 

“Are you sure?”he asked. “I will very upset if you take it to the gerage.  ” she said. “How is it you know how to change the oil in a car? Your the girliest girl i know.you must own stock in nail polish!” he said.

“My dad did not have any sons just me and my three sisters.  He called it life skils. He taught us a bunch of stuff. I know how to change a tire and build a shack. ” she said.

” oh! I dont know how to do any of that. Although i am prety sure i coukd build a shack.” he said. “So come by around three. This will be fun. Consider it a bounding experience. “She said.

“Ok. I can do that. “He said. “Cool. This will be fun i promise. ” she said. “Oh ok. I trust you!” he said. 

On Thirsday he brought his car by. She told him to drive it into the gerage.  He did so. She wore coverall.  Her hair whitch was usualy down was in a phony tail. “Yes i am not wearing a skirt but this is only when i work on cars. ” she said.

“I did not say anything.  ” he said. She chuckled. She had everything ready. She went underneath the car. He watched her. “Pay close attention Next time your going to do it and i will watch. ” she said. “Ok! You got it.” he answered. 

He wacthed her do it. “Why do you have a jeep?  “He asked. “I like it. It is a 2002. I likes jeep. Someday i hope my family expands. I have always liked jeeps i gues. ” she said.” i was just curious. ” he said.

“Your not really a car person are yo”she asked. ” i like cars. I like getting from point A to point b. Other then that not too much. ” he told her. “I figured. I am not a huge car girl but i like cars. “She said. 

They finished up changing the oil. They left the car. He got up. He ofered her his hand and she took it. He helped her up. 

“Promise me you will never take it to the garage.  I  will find out. Be sure your sins will find you out. Yes it is a sin. Never pay for something you can easily do yourself. ” she told him. “Ok i got it. I wont. “He said. She chuckled.

“I never thought my girlfriend would change oil. ” he said. “Before you know it,you will be a pro of this. “She said. “Mayby you can teach me to play piano. “He said.”if you want to learn i could teach you. ” she said. “We will see. ” he said.

“I realy like you jack. ” kristin said. He smilled. “I realy like you. ” he said. “If you want to change you can use the first bathroom to the right. I will see you in a bit. “She said. “Ok. ” he said. She kissed him on the cheek.  Then they dispersed.

He changed into tan pants and a blue dress shirt. He put his other cloths into a bag. He went back to the garage and put them in his car. He went back upstairs. 

He went to the living room.”hello mrs greener.  ” jack said. “Please sit. Its Diane.  ” she said. He sat down. “Did you get your oil changed?” she asked.”i did. I was suprised kristin knew how to do it. ” he said.

“My husband felt that it was importent for my daughters to know certain life skils. Not that they had to use it but they had to be able to. They all took to it. Especialy kris and ash. Jared wanted a boy but he loved his daughters.  Kris was the closest child to him. She was his little side kick.  She used to tea parties with her stufed animals by the garage.  They would be interupted in order to get him a ranch. ” she said.

“I got the impresson they were close. I have tried to avoid the issue. I dont want to upset her. ” he said. “Jared was a good man. Definitely a family man. ” she said. 

“She is different today. Was this how she was before?”he asked. “She was very bubly. You are starting to bring it out of her. I want you to know i was never opposed to you and her being an item. I was just woried she was not ready. I have always been overprotective of all of them. Even more so sence the acident and the subsequent hospitalization. ” she said.

“I understood. “He said. “Has it been dificult?”diane asked. “I think we are starting to undertand how to relate to eachother. ” he told her. “Good. There are going to be ups and down. Dont be suprised if there is another down perioud comming. ” she admonished him. “Of course. ” he answered. 

Kristin had gone to her bedroom. She changed into a pink sleveless dress and put on a gray sweter. She wore flip flops. She put her hair back down. She walked down stairs. 

She went to the living room. He smiled at her. She smiled back. She kissed him on the cheak. She took his hand. He was a little skifish about physical contact any ways but was nervous about displaying afection in front of mrs greener,  diane. Mrs grener did not apear to be offended. He did not want to go overboard but a little bit of p.c is fine he supposed.  

Diane dismised herself to check on dinner. “Miss me?”she asked in a playfull tone. “It has not been that long but yes i missed you. Did you miss me?”he asked. She smiled and said, “yes i did.” 

“You cleen up well. “She remarked. “Thanks, so do you! I still am shocked you liked to work with cars.  “He said.”im versatile.  Everyone is diverse i think. Not as the world defines diversity. We are all a bit of an enigma rapped in a conundrum!”she said. He chuckled. “Your probably right. “He said. 

“I like to be full of surprises. Otherwise life would be boring.  ” she said.  “I am prety boring. I dont think i have any odd interest. I think my interest lines up with i.f.b quute nicely.  ” he said.” we will see about that. I am not convinced. ” she said. He laughed. 

“Am i going to be in for more surprises?” he asked. “Probably!  There is a good chance of it. “She said.  “Oh ok. ” he said. 

She left the room to help set up. He looked around the room. He saw a picture of her witg his dad when she was little. There was a family pictures.  She assumed it might have been one of the last with her dad before he died. He was called in for dinner.

They served ham,potatoe green beens and vegitables. She made sure to include vegetables she knew he did not like. She made sure he eat them. He eat them last. 

They had desert.  He was fall but was able to eat one peace of cake. After they sat on the porch. ” i dont think i can eat again for a week. ” he declared. She laughed. 

“I am not sure that i quite line up with independent fundimental baptist. I do mostly. I read king james i ware skirts or dreses most of the time. Other things i might not. “She said. “I figured. I suspected that.”he said. 

“I have attended both independent fundimental Baptist and independent baptist. When i grew up there was little difference. Slowly chirches drifted from king james and music changed. Dress standards as well. My mom prefers more conservative.  “She said. 

“What about you?”he asked.  “I like this church.  I like the people. They are freindly . the pastors son is kinda cute!”she said. “Only kinda cute?” he asked.they laughed.” you ok with being maried to someone slighlty on the strict side?” he asked. “I think i am ok with it. “She answered. 

“I am traditional .  some might say old fashioned. I sing the hyims, read from the king James bible. Dress up for church, i dont own a tv, etc. ” he said. 

“Well i see. I do read from the king james bible. I am somewhat modern but certainly not as the world defines it. I curtainly opose post modern philosophy.  I dont believe in situational ethics. I ware dreses and skirts and try to always be modest. I do ocadionaly listen to contemporary christian music. I do own a tv. I am conservitive. I believe in the fundimentles of the faith. ” she said. 

“I know that. I dont doubt that for a seccond. ” he said. “Do you still see me as a viable potential wife? “She asked. He put her arm around her. “Yes i do. I trust you. I know you would never undermine me. “He said.she rested her head on his soulder.

“I would never try to undermine you or to change your views.  I respect you and your views. I believe in separation and holiness. ” she said. “I know that. ” he said.

“What is a deal breaker for you?” she asked. “You have to be saved. I am Certain you are. I see evidence of spiritual gowth. I believe you are growing. A paturn of unrepentant sin. I am talking clear rebelion. It would be a red flag. I would atempt to work though it. Thst could be..i dont see that.  Under church discipline. That could be a red flag or a deal breaker. Dressing imodestly which you dont. Bad reputation , course talk. It is more isues of chracter. ” he said. 

“Ok. I am independent fundimental baptist. Just not as strong as orthers. ” she said. “I understand that. Your fine. I dont see a problem. ” he said. “Ok.i just wanted to make sure. ” she said. 

 She escorted him to his car. “I had a really good time tonight. I love spending time with you. ” he told her.

“I had a good time too. I feel like we are forming our own family unit. ” she said. “I do too. I love you krissy. ” he told her. “I love you jack. “She told him. 

He got into the car. She blew him a kiss. He pertended to catch it. He drove off. 

End of part 10

Next up

The anniversary of kristin’s farthers death takes her by surprise and throw there relationship though a loop.