Panic attack part 17

Jack and Kristen had become closer and closer over time.  Despite a difficult beginning, things were definently changing for them. They were developing a close bond. 

Jack was a frequent guests at her house and she waa a frequent guest at his. Her mom suported the relarionship but found it out to see her grow up.  She had trouble with her spending more and more time with him. He was becoming her suport system.  

Jack and her mom had talked things out. Things had inporoved with them.diane was slowly becoming more supportive of the relationship. 

Kristin was growing closer to his parents as well. Diane and the family were becoming more a part of the church as well. 

They had been together for two mounths now.  There relationship seemed to be in a very good place. Both were happy and content. 

Kristin had a doctors appointment a few days after there two mounth aniversry. It was prety routine .she had goten used to these. She was not expecting anything earth shatering to occur but perhaps she should have..

She had her useal physical. The dr had some reedings takon.the doctor then came out. “Kristin, i need to perscribe some new medications.  “The doctor said. “Ok” she said. 

“With these medication,you wont be able to drive.  I am aftaid i will need to take your lisence.” he said. “Is this medication necessary?” she asked. “I really do kristin.i know this is not what you want to hear. ” the doctor said. “No it is really not.  ” she said. 

She took a few minutes. She called jack. “Hi hunnie! ” he said.”jack they pulled ny lisence!” she said. “What happened? ” he asked.  “I have been prescribed mrdication that inpairs the ability to drive. My wings have been clipped. ” she said.

“I am so sorry. ” he said. ” look. Can you get one of your sisters ot brothers to drive you hear and drive my car home. If you cant its ok. I can call my mom.” kristin said.

“No i will be right there. Just give me a few minutes and i will be right there. ” he said. “Thank you so much..”kristin said. “Look we will get though this together ok?” he remarked. “Ok” she said. 

He got his sister to drive with him.he went to the doctors office.  She waited for him. He ran to her. She grabed on to him. He held her for a few minutes. She started to cry. 

“I know it does not feel it but it will be ok. ” he said. “I know it will. It just does not feel that way right now. I just feel lost. things were finaly starting to look up.” she said. 

he drove her home. “Look can we hanng out or something. I need a distraction?” she asked.  “Yea i need to drive marissa home. ” he said. “I will tell my mom.” she said.

She went to her mom. “Jack and i are going to go out for a bit.i need to get away and clear my head. ” Kristin said. “Are you ok kris?” diane asked. “No but i am  ok enough. ” she told him. ” she said.

Diane hugged her. “I worry about you kriss. ” her mom told her. “I know you do. I am hurt and heartbroken. .i know i can get though it. ” she said. “Ok. Have a good job with jack.”she said.”thanks. ” she said.kristin hugged her mom.

Kristin, jack and marissa went to there house in jack’s car. They droppes marisa off. “Where do you go when your sad and want to cheer up? “She asked.

“I know just the place!” he said in a glee full tone. “I am a little concerned. Should i be? “Kristin asked. “Mayby a little. ” he said.

They pulled up to a burger soveregn. ” burger sovereng really?” she said. “This is how i destresify. They have amazing shakes” he told her. “I could like a milk shake. You know my mom baned us from going to fast food.” she said. 

“Oh no! Will taking you hear put me in the dog house with your mom?” he asked.  “It might. Why not. I always like to do things i have never done before. They make good milk shakes?” she asked. “They are great. I promise. ” he said. 

He parked.  They got out. They held hands. “Can you get me the bigest milk shake they have.i might let you have some. ” she said. 

“Ok. ” he said. “I feel weird being hear. Its is like being in a bar. ” she said. “Your comparing burger sovereign to a bar? ” he asked.  ” it was the most apt comparison i could think off. ” kristin said.

He ordered a burger and fries. She just wanted a milk shake and got some chicken nugets. They sat down at the table. 

“Thank you for this! “Kristin said. “No problem.  ” he said.”wow. This is great! ” she said. “I told you!” he said. She laughed. 

“I could not wait to drive. The minute i turned 16, i begged my dad to teach me to drive.  He was so patcient with me. I was so excited when i got my license.  When i woke up from the coma it took me a while to get it back.my mom was skidish about me driving but i loved just driving. That was when i discovered the spot. I felt so free. I could forget about everything that was going on. Now i gues i wont be able to. ” she said. 

“Well i enjoy driving.  Give me a call and we can take a drive. I know that it wont be the same but i am sure it can help. ” he said. “It wont be the same but it will be fine. ” she said.

“Was your mom ok with you going with me?” he asked. “Yes she was. She wants me to come to her with stuff. I know she cares about her. She worriers about me. I want to be sad. I want to deal with it. I want you to be with you. Your good madicine jack. “She said.

“I am glad.  I dont always have the answers. Sometimes all i can do is listen, give you a big hug and be there. ” he said. “I am ok with that. I dont need you to solve my problems. I just need to know you care. I know you do. I dont doubt that.  ” she said. 

“Are you ok krissy?” he asked. “No but yes. I know it will get easier in time. I know it is not the end of time. It is hard but i will be alright. ” she said.

“How is your shake?” he asked. “Amazing. I cant believe i have never had it before. I cant believe what i have been missing. ” she said. 

After a while they decided to leave. They walked out hand in hand. “Thank you for tonight.  Just having you hear makes it easier. I feel like i am stuck.  I just cant get pass that night.  I can never fully move on. I get so close but then i am pulled back in.” she said 

He hugged her. She cried on his shoulders.  He squezed her tightly. She held on to him. “Its ok. I got you! I am not going to leave you krissy! I love you. ” he said.

“I love you jack! You always going to be there for me? ” she asked. “As long as i have breath, definently. ” he said. She smiled. 

“I am not letting you get away. Not without a fight. ” she said. “I have no intention of leaving. That day is not going to define you. It has a lasting legacy for sure. It is not your end. It bateted you but it not destroy you. Your are blodied but stronger. ” he said. She held on him for a bit.

They got in the car. They went to there spot in the woods. They stood for a bit. ” i love this spot! We are going to show our kids this spot?” she remarked. “Absolutely.  ” he said.

“I hope they love it like we do. ” she said. “I think they will. ” he said. ” i needed to just cry things out. ” she said. “Thats fine. You dont have to be strong in front of me.  Be yoursf. Cry if you need to. Im hear for you always. ” he said.

“I dont doubt that. ” she said. He held on to her. They drove back to her house. “I had a good night despite the day. You do good cheering me up. ” she told her. “I am glad . i want to do for you. ” he said. 

“I know you will. You did really good tonight.Thank you. ” she said. He hugged her. He escorted her to the door.

She went to see her mom. “Mom. I love jack.  He is such a sweet and gentlemen.  He has been great. I will not need you mom. I know you worry about me. I will be ok. Its hard but i can make it. ” she said. 

“I do wory about you. You may habe been a dadys girl but you are still my dsughter. I will never get over how close i lost you. ” diane said. Kristin started crying.

“It is hard to see you grownup. It is hard to see you getting ready to move on. I know some day sooner then i want you will be leaving me and cleving to jack.  Your handiling this different tonight. ” diane said. 

“Mom i do stil need you. That wont change. ” she said.” i will ne there for you whenever you need me. I promise. ” diane said. They hugged.

End of part 17.

Next up.

Kristin adjust to life without driving. Diane wories she is sliping in depression while jack plans a big day for her. 
 

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Panic attack part 16

Previously on picnic attack.

Jack and kristin breiefly broke up.after some time apart,they decided to get back together.  

Despite there previus dificulties,things had started to go well for them. They were starting to figure out how to relate to each other. Things were shaping up for them.

They began to really get to know each orther. They started to move beyound the superficial. At the same time they began to unite spritually.  They did devotions together. They prayed together. They became very close. 

She started to trust him more and more. She started to confide in her more and more. She opened up. She let go of her fears. She allowed herself to be vanerable around him. She gave up a lot of her insicurity and bariers that kept him out. 

Everyone one noticed that they were verry Different from before.  They were very sweet together.  People at church liked watching them. 

 They had a lot of fans. Not everyone was quite as happy about it. Kristin’s mom strugled with it.  She loved all of her daughters.  She lost her husband but The lord spared kristin.  She hated watching her in a coma then strugling to relearn everything. She woried about her. She wanted to protect her. She did not meen to but sometimes took it too far.

It was not just because of all she went though. It was hard to see grow upm it was hard to see her go on her own.the closer she got to jack,  the more she feared she no longer needed her. She wanted kristin to turn to her. That was just not hapening as much any more.

She did not want to admit it but she was a bit releved when kristin ams jack broke up. She knew some day ,she would go off on her own. Mayby her mom would get more time time with kristin.  

Then they got back together. Now there bound was even stronger.  She began to see that this relationship might last longer then she expected. She was happy for her but it was still hard. 

Kristin was growing up. She waa getting ready to go out on her own. It was how it was to be. She was changing.  

Ktistin’s cell phone rang. She answered the phone. “Hi. ” she said. “Hello krissy.Tomorrow marks our one mounth anniversary.  ” he said. “Are you one of those who wants to commemorate every milestone including the first time one of us sneezed in front of the orther?” kristin asked.

“Well Mayby not every milestone!  This is a big one. I was wondering if you wanted to go out to eat with me. It ocured to me our dates were usually at one of our houses but we have never gone out. I thought we could go out to celebrate just you and me. ” he suggested. 

“It is a date date?” she commented. “There is no reason we did not do it erlier. I just did not think of it. ” he said.

“I love it. I love that idea. ” she said.  “How about thirsday night?” he suggested.  “Thats a great idea. I can go for that. ” she responded. “Awsome.can i pick you up at 4:00?” he asked.  “Sounds really good.” she said. 

“I cant wait to see you. I am realy excited for this!” she said. “I am too. I think this will be good. ” he said. “I think so too.” she said. 

“So your going out today?” her mom asked. “Yes. We are going to celebrate our mounth anniversary.  “She said.

“Do you think mayby you two are spending too much time together?  “Her mom asked.  “I had not really thought about that. It is. Spceical occasion.  “Kristin said.

“You two might be moving too fast. This is your first relationship sense the accident. I just think you two should slow down a bit. ” her mom said.

“We dont spend that much together.  We both keep prety buisy. We enjoy each others compony. ” kristin said 

“I know. I am just concerned that you are setting yourself up for a fall. I am not sure he totaly understands what he is getting into. I am not sure you understand all that goes on with you.” she said.

“I know that. I am sure i do not totaly understand all that goes on. I really like him. Every day i realize just how much. I understand what yoir saying.i know we both have to be careful.i think i am ready for a relationship. “She told him. 

“I just dont know kris. I thought you were. You may not be and thats ok. “She said. “Do you think i should not see him?” kristin asked. “No but you might want to pull back a bit. Take a step back. That is all i am saying.” her mom said. 

“Mom. I understand what you are syaing. I really do but when i am with him i feel like i am me again. Not tottaly. I dont know of i can ever be that person i was before the crash. I like being with him. I know he feels the same way. ” she said. 

“Just be carefull ok?” diane said.”i will mom. ” she said. Diane chuckled. “Ok!”she said. She gave her mom a hug. 

She spent quite a while getting ready. She put on a pink sweter and white and pink skirt. She braided her hair.  She was excited for this. She suspected he was well. 

He was always early. It was usualy a few minutes earley. She had learned that fairly early on in there relationship.  Sure enough there he was. 

She walked outside and walked down the stairs. She got into the pasinger seat. He smiled at her. He wore a polo shirt and tan pants. She smiled back.  “I got you flowers. “He said. “Those are beutifull thank you. ” she said. 

They went to a resturant. They were seated. ” you know i have never been on a date like this. “She said. “No i have not either. “Jack said. “Did you date at all in high school?”she asked.”no i was home schooled. I did not know manny girls my age. I imagine that i would have not been alowed to date but it never came up as an issue. “He said.

“I had a couple of boyfreinds but nothing too serious.  At the time i thought it was. “She said. He chuckled.

“Were you boy crazy in high school?” he asked in a playfull tone. “Perhaps a bitt. ” she admitted. ” i see. ” he said. “I am not anymore.  Except for one guy. ” she said. 

“That’s me right not lester cole?” he asked. “Yes silly. Thats you. ” she said.”good. I am just making sure.” he said. 

“So. When we got back together, you talked abour marriage as if it was a fata complee. Is that how you fell? Do you see us getting married lord wiling?” she asked.

“I do. I beleve the lord has brought us together.  Until we say i do, i gues i cannot be totaly sure. I am fairly confident yes. Do you feel the same way?” he asked. 

“I do. I very much do.i have fun with you. Its more then that.  I like being around you. I feel safe around you. ” she said.

“I am very glad to hear that. That is what i want.  I very much want you to feel safe. ” he said. ” i know that. I have never doubted that. ” she told him. 

After dinner they went for a drive.”look jack, i cant promise you that the way i am will change. I might always be this way. I might get worse. ” she said.

“I may not be prepared for that. I know i might not be. I am ready to commit to you no matter what. “He told her.

“I just wanted to make sure you did it. It is not going to be easy. ” she told her.”the importent things never are.i know that this may be harder then either of us can posibly understand. I beleve that you are worth it. I know you are. ” he said. 

She smiled.  “Ok. “She said. He smilled at her. He had a different smile just for her. She was sure he knew that but she knew he did. She loved it. 

They  went to het spot for a while. “Do you feel that we are moving too fast?” she asked. “I dont know. Do you feel we are?” he asked. “My mom is concerned that we might be.”she said.”i have never done this before. I dont have anything to base it on. My parents were part of a prayer group at college.  They ended up spending more time together. They hung out for a couple mounths before they got together officially.  ” he said.

“My dad was my mom’s tax guy. My mom asked her parents who to use for a tax perperer. They recomended my dad..two years later they were maried. ” she said. “Wow. My moms mom went to the misson field beleving she would be single all her life.  She actually told my grandfather she thought she would go unmaried. My grandfarther told her he was prety sure would be maried. He perposed a year later. ” he said.

“I gues there are no rulles.” she said. “Look krissy if you want some time to yourself thats fine. I would ask that we keep the lines of communication open. ” he told her. 

“Ok. I dont feel we need to take that step just yet. I never want to not have lines of cominication. I agree.  “She said.”i really do want to marry you. I hope the lord does permit that. ” he said.”i do too.” she said. 

They drove to there favorate spot then he brought her home. “I had a really good time tonight!” she told him. He smiled. “I did too. ” he said.

He hugged her. She held on to him for a minute. She kissed him on the forehead. They said there goodbyes.she went inside. 

She realized that day how much she carred about him.she was starting to realize just how much she did care about him. 

End of part six

Next up

Things go well for kristin and jack. Then kristin is put  stronger medication. That provides some complications. 

Wedding party part 12

Amber was heading back to the west coast.  Things were verry dufferent now then when she came. She hated to leave. She would miss matt. She hopped that the summer would go fast. 

She slept fairly soundly. She was fairly tired. She fell asleep and slept though the night until her alarm went off. 

Matt went to bed early.  He slept though the night.  He did not want to see her go but he knew the sooner she left, the sooner she would return. At least that was the hope. 

His alarm went off. He got up and showered. He wore a blue collered shirt and jeens. He did not wear jeens often but did on ocasion. He wore jeens when he had worked at a conatruction compony. He was a bit preppy. He did always try to look presentable.  

He headed out. He drove to his mom’s house. He parked the car and got out of the car.he headed to the door.

Amber got up with her alarm. She showered and got dressed. Mat’s mom had gotten the cofee ready the night before.  All she had to do was turn it on. She did that. She had a cup while she waited for matt to arive.

She had brought her suit case downstairs. She had packed fairly light. She relaxed for a few minutes and tried to wake up. She got a text from matt saying he was on his way. She text him back saying that she would be hear. 

She wore a blue blouse and denim skirt and sandles. She waited for matt. He came in. They tried to be qiet so as not to wake any one up. “Hi hunnie!” he said. “Hi babe. There is plenty of cofee left in the pot.i packed us cerial bars. Your mom wanted to make breakfast for us but i told her that would stress you out.”amber said.”yes it would.  Thank you. “He said.

“You and time constraints. “She said.”if i have a task,time stops until it is complete. “He said. “Yes i know all about that.”amber said.  They laughed qietly.

They drank cofee and sat down for a few minutes.”are you awake? “He asked.”i am getting there. I would like to fall asleep on the plane. I never sleep on planes.”she told him.”i am hoping to go back to bed when i get home. I dont know if that is actualy going to happen. “He said.

“I apreciate you driving me back.” she said.”my pleasure.  It gives us more time together. “He said. She smiled. She loved his smile. He had a special smile he only gave when he was around her. 

“Your not sick of me?”she asked. “Not at all.” he told her. “Good. Just making sure. “She said in response. “Promise me you will call when after you land.”he said.”i will. You have my word.”she said. “Good.”he said. 

After a while they decided to get ready to head out. She used the bathroom while he loaded the car. Then she left the bathroom,he used the bathroom.  Then they headed out.

He took her hand.  They held hands as they went to the car. They got inside. He held her hand as he drove. The car pulled out of the driveway and headed to the airport. 

He prayed for the jouney. Then they went. “So. When did you think that you might like me as more then a friend?” she asked.

“A few days after dad died. When i coukd not keep it any more. I broke down in front of you. You told me to stop holding it in. I realized i could be myself around you. I knew you did not need me to be strong all the time. That was the first time i consideres a nore serious relationship. I was not ready to act on it yet. “He said.

“I remember that. I noticed things changed between us. I suspected. “Shr said. “When was it for you?” he asked.”once you stoped thinking i was tring to turn your sister penticostal,you started to open up to me. You might not have realized it. I had a crush on you. I was afraid to act on it. ” she said .

“No i did not know.  I gues i can be kind of obvious. I want to do right by you. I know in many  ways, we are verry different. It will require some adjustment.  I realy beleve God has brought us together “he said.

“I am so glad to hear you say that. I beleve that too. It will require a lot of adjustment for both of us. ” she said. 

He let her put on k love. She was glad of that. She knew music would be obe of many isues they would have to work on. 

“I will try not to be qirky. ” he said.she chuckled. “I will try but i dont know how far i wil suceed. Like i said i am looking forward to being a pastor’s wife .” she said. “I know you will be a great one.” he told her. 

“I know i am going to have relly on the help of the holly sprit. I want to be. I want to be the best help meet i can for you.” she said. “I have not doubt you will suceed. He that begun a good work in you is able to perfrom it until the day of Christ. ” he said. “I know he will do the same for you. “She said. 

“I am sure we will encorge eachother in our walk with the lord. “He said.”i am sure of that. ” she said. “We can serve the lord together.  I have always wanted to do ministry with my wife. “He said.

” you have a tendency to hold things in. You try to deal witg things on your own. No more ok.i know it wont come easy for you but you have to share things with me. Ok?”she asked.

“Ok i will. “He said. She chuckled.” i am not everyone else.  I am a part of you. I have your rib!” she exclaimed. He laughed. “Ok. Rib thief!” he said. She laughed. 

“I would like to be able to tell you that is the last thing i will steal from you but it might be. That blue swet shirt of yours is really nice.  ” she said. 

“Do i need to check your bag to see if you have anything of mine?” he asked.”no i did not take any thing of yours this time. ” she said.

“I am prety sure stealing is wrong in the penticostal church as well. “He said. “One day we will be one flesh. It will be ok. ” he said. “You are coveting though. ” he said. “Ok. You might have a point there.  ” she said. He laughed.”i now understand none of my sweatshirts are safe. ” he declared. “No they are not! ” she said.he roled his eyes and turned his head.  She laughed. 

He found he never laughed as hard as when he was around her. She brought out his sillyness. He tended to be reserve, serious.  Around her he could let his hear down. She loved getting him to open up. 

They were both a bit sad when the car neared the air port. They both got a bit sad when the car neared the parking area. He parked the car.they got out and he got her luggage.  They walked hand in hand to the terminal.

“This is where we are suposed to part ways for now!” she told him. He hugged her. “I promised myself if i would not break down. ” she said. “I made the same pledge. Oh well!”he said.

She held on to him tightly. He held tightly as well. They both started to cry. “I am going to miss you. ” he said.”i am going to miss you. We will get though this. ” she said. “I know that. I love you amber. ” he said “i loved you” she said.

It was a lonly walk to the car. He missed her already. He knew this was coming but it was harder then he thought it would be. He knew that it would not be easy. It was far harder then he thought.  

He got into the car.  He felt tense. He got into the car. He started the car. He was going to change the radio station. He considered changing the station to espn or npr or putting on one of his hyim colections. He decided not to change the station. K love reminded him of her. He kept it on. 

It was a hard drive home. He felt her absence. He cried a bit. He knew part of this was fitigue. He was exchausted emotionaly and physically. He knew that his tiredness was clouding his feelings. 

The car pulled in to the drive way. He went inside his house. He went back to bed. He slept for a bit. 

His phone rang. He answered it. “Hi babe. The plane landed.  I made it safly there. ” she said. “I am so glad to hear that. I was not too woried but i was a bit concerned. ” he said. “I could tell. I know what you meen.i am always like that flying. ” she said.”i miss you. ” he said. “I miss you too. I will let you get back to bed..i will talk to you later. ” she said. “You got it. I love you.” matt said. “I love you too. “She said.

He hung up his cell phone. He went back to bed. He slept for a bit. He woke up. He missed her alot. He hoped that he would see her again soon.  He beleved he would.

It would be a dificult summer as she told him. This could be a good thing.she could be a growing experience for both of them. He would learn from this. He knew that in the grand scheme of thing, it would be a drop in the bucket. 

He would wait. He would be patcient. He trusted that the lord  would bring them back together.  

She went home to her apartment. She loved to stare at her engagement ring.she missed him as much as he missed her. She knew that this was part of the lords plan. She knew that it would work out. They would both trust and wait. 

End of wedding party.

Looking ahead

Comming soon

Matt tries to go on with his life.  He keeps active with his church. Amber gets ready to move. It is a hard sumer but the lord works behind the scenes to reunite these two. 

Panic attack part 14 

Priviously on panic attack

Jack a bible colege graduate  and assistant pastor meets kristin. Kristin had been in a savere car accident. She sufers from emotional bagege connected to it. The two decided to date. With the dicovery that she is on addictive medication and under the care of a secular pyschologest. He decided that they should take a break. 

” i think you should leave now” she said. He quickly agreed and said goodnight. He got in his car and drove off.

She sat on the porch for a few minutes. She tried to regain her comportment. She tried to calm down. She knew that her mom and sister would ask questions she perfered not to answer. She went inside.

“Jack did not stay long?”diane remarked. “No he did not. “Was all she said in response. She went to her room. 

She suspected that something was amis. He had not talked to her hardly at all. She had to call him. He did not ask to come by. She had trusted him. He had let her down. That was over now. 

He drove right home.  He went inside. “You ok?”his dad asked. “I told her i wanted a break. I think we might be done done.”he said. “I was afraid that might happen.  She has a lot to sort out. Mayby an independent fundimental Baptist is not the best match for her. ” his dad said. “Perhaps not. ” he said. 

“I know you wanted her to be the one. Mayby it is juat not ment to be.” his dad said. “You could be right. Just because her mom church shops does not meen she will. ” he said.

“Are you having seccond thoughts about all this? ” his dad asked. “No! I realy just wanted a break not a break up. ” he told him. “As i understand it there was a defiance.  ” his dad said. “That was from her mom. Dad i realy like her. Do you want me and her to be done?” he asked. 

“No. I wont tell you to break it off with her. If you two decide to get maried i think i would suport it. You need to really think about this. ” he said. 

 She went upstairs and shut her bed room door. She cried. She tried not to be too loud.she did not want to arouse suspicions. She eas fircely independent.  She wanted to figure this out on her own. 

The next day was saterday. It was odd. A saterday rarely happened without them seinf eachother. They did not see eachother at all that saterday. 

That saterday night she changed her facebook photo from one of her and jack to one of just her. She then changed her face book relationship form in a relationship with jack rayburn to single. She was ready to move on. She wanted to move pass it.

That sunday jack taught sunday school class. Kristin usualy attended his class. She was there. He said helo to everyone.   

At the service they did not sit together. “How come you and miss grener are not sitting together? ” mrs. Sandra canon asked. “Oh! We are no longer a couple.  ” he said. “Oh ! I am sory to hear that. “She said. 
He ran into her after the service.  He could not avoid her. “Hi! Kristin. “He said. “Hi. Jack. ” she said. “How have you been?”he asked. “Fine! You?”she asked. “I am good.”he said. “I am glad to hear that.  ” she said. Then the conversation ended. They dispersed. 

That night jack preached. Kristin loved to hear him preach.  He preached on the blood of christ. He traced the idea of a blood sacrifice from genises to revelation.  

He stood at the back and shock people’s hands ias they left. He came to diane and ashly and shock there hands. Then he  came to Kristin.  ” hello kristin! ” jack said. “Hello” she said. Then she left. 

 Jack did not feel like himself all week. He felt off. He hated this feeling. He decided one night to go for a ride to clear his head. He knew exactly where he would go. He went to the place they had gone. He saw her green jeep. 

He ran to her. “Krissy! Hi”he said. She was crying. “Hey jack!”she said. She hugged him. They held on to eachother. 

“What are you doing hear?”she asked. “I needed to clear my head. I was hoping to see you.”he said. “Why didn’t have you call me?”she asked.”i was afraid you would not answer.  I was not totaly sure i was going to talk to you. “He said.

“Why did you shut me out?”she asked.”i was confused. I beleve that the bible has every answer for life. The bible warns about being taken captive by worldly Philosophy.  Paaul warned timouthy to avoid science falsy so called. We must cling to the word of God. I was afaid that i would have to chose between the lord and i. I needed time to sort this out. I realy wanted a break,not a break up.pastor broaden was concerned that your mom kepts the bible and science seperate. Kind of gestalt.  Like max plank said there is bible and science and never the twain shall meet.”he said.

“When i first woke up, i was in bad shape. I was beyond depressed.  The medical facility recommend i be under the care of dr. Ted. I was under mom’s gaurdienship at the time. She did not know what to do. At this point i cannot go off the drugs. Perhaps tte dosege can be reeuced but not elliminated completly. I do believe that the bible has all the answers for life. If i had been in charge of those decisions i dont know what i would have done.  ” she said.

“When we get maried, i want every devision we make as a family to be evaluated by the word of God. The world and the bible have different agandas. These aganda do often conflict. We have to go with the word of God.  ” he said. 

“Do you realy believe that anti depressants are unbibilical?”she asked. “Christians are empowered by the holy sprit. We are told not to be conformed to this world but to be transformed.  I take isue with drugs that alter behavior. I question its use by belevers. I dont have a definitive answer. ” he said.

“Alright. I understand your concerns.” she said. “I am more concerned by the thought process that led to the decision then the decision itself. Your family grew up in the church. The church seemed to be disregarded. ” he said. 

“Looking back on it,perhaps it was.  That is regrettable.  “She said. “It seemes your family left at the first sign of resistance.  You kept leaving churches that disagreed with you. You run every time there is an issue. You wont let anyone get close to you. ” he said. 

“I know it looks we just up and left redemption Baptist church but that is not the case. The pastor and deacons were relentless. They made the environment toxic. Yea we were a bit shy at new churches. We felt betrayed.  Legit or not i dont know but that is how i feel. ” she said. 

“Are you going to leave gbc?” he asked.  “When we came at first. We were just checking it out. We knew your church was similar to r.b.c but we were runing out of options i gues. So far we like the church. There is this one guy in the church that is kinda cute. ” she said. 

“Kinda cute?” he asked. “Oh i was not talking about you. ” she said in a playful tone. “Oh you werent?” he asked. “I was talking about lester cole!” she said. “He is eighty two. ” he said.  They laughed. 

“You think my first instinct is to run?” she asked. “Sometimes it seems  that way.  I dont understand it. ” he said. “You dont like our arangement?” she asked.  “Why do you want to deal with this alone. Why is it when times are tough your first instinct is to run away from me not to me. I want to be your suport system.  I am ok with your rules but i hope we can get pass it in the future. ” he said. 

“I do trust you. I have come to rely on mom and my sisters.  It is hard to trust anyone outside the iner circle. I did trust rbc. They were great at first. When i started being under dr. Ted, it all changed. I felt betrayed. It is hard to trust anyone not in the iner circle. ” she said. 

“Were you suicidal krisy?” he asked.she put his arm around her. “I dont know. A little mayby. I was so devisated. I had lost the will to live. ” she said. “Now?” he asked. “Not really.  Sometimes. ” she said. 

“Do you want to come to my house and hang out with me for a bit?”he asked. “Am i stil welcomed?” she asked. ” yes.” he said .

Her phone went off. “Hello mom. ” she said. “Are you ok?” her mom asked.”yea i am in my spot. I ran into jack. I am going to hang out with him for a while. ” she said. “Are you two ok?” she asked.”i think so.” she said.  

They walked to there cars. She hugged him for a bit. They got in there cars and headed for his parent’s house.

End of part 14

Next up

Kristen talks to jack’s perents.jack and kristin work out there differences.  

Panic attack part 11

When jack first met Kristen, something was stired in him. He could not understand it. It was so unlike him. He could not ignore it.  At first it seemed that she did not feel the same way about him. 

Kristin and him decided to date. The more time he spent with her the more he felt for her. She slowly let down her gaurd.  She sowly trusted him more and more. He saw that. 

Then there was the day she helped him change the oil on his car.  That was a turning point . he saw what maried life with her would be like. They would laugh together smile together, work together,  pray together and yes cry together.  They would do it togerher. 

He loved being with her. Even disagreements would not doom there relationships.  He felt positive while driving home from her house.

He had a colection of hyims on cd from a Christian college on his way home. He parked the car. He walked to the door. He walked inside. 

 Most of the family stared at him. “Oh no! She posted pics of us changing the oil didn’t she?” he asked. “Yes. She did.  You two are really cute.” his mom said. 

“You did not want her to post them?” hsis dad asked. “No its fine. It was a little embarrassing.  It was fun. We had a good time interacting with eachother while doing it. ” jack admitted. 

“You got a lot of likes. Including from both sets if grandparents.” his mom said ” papa Grammy, grampa and nana saw it?” he asked.” yes they did.” his Merissa answered. His siblings laughed.

He thought to himself, “man i am realy going to get teased. ” he figuted he was never going to be able to live this one down. 

She started to trust him. She got closer and closer to him.she did start to let her gaurd down. She grew more wiling to be vannerable around him. She found him to be sweet. He was kind and caring. 

She had no idea what he would be like. The more she got to know him the more she liked.  She looked forward to getting to know him more. 

At the midweek service he saw her. His eyies met hers. Her face went from serious to smiling. “Hi babe!” she said. He smiled . “hi. ” he said.

They sat down. “You got raked over the coals? ” she remarked. “Yes i know. I would not change it for anything. It was a good bonding experience.” he said. “Told you ” she said.

They decided to get together on saterday. They met in a park for a picnic. She made a. Bunch of chicken salid sandwitch and desert. She wore a brown sweter and back and gray skirt and flip flops. 

“Beautiful day today? ” he remarked.”it really is. Not a single cloud in the sky. Sun is shinning.  ” she said. 

After dinner they played several rounds of volley ball. ” i was on the high schhol soccer team. ” she said. “Did you go to public school?” he asked. “I did. I went to a Christian school until secvond grade then went to public school. ” she said.

“I was home schooled. ” he said. “All 12 years?” she asked. “All 12 years!” he answered.  ” i cant imagine never going to a formal school. ” she said.”i cant imagane going to a formal school. “He answered. ” i gues that makes sence. ” she said. 

“You played sports?”he asked. “I loved playing sports. Did you play sports at bible college?” she asked. “Intermural.  We have sports teams that play other schools and tournaments but i never played on them. ” he said.

“Not a sports guy?” she asked. “Oh i love sports. I like playing sports. Playing professional sports is probably not in my future. I will stick to pastoring. ” he said. “Ok.” she said. 

“I do enjoy shooting a basketball or hiting a voley ball etc. I find it therapeutic.  ” he said. “I do too. When i got out of the hospital , i spent houers outside playing basketball.  Ash and mom were woried about me . it was my way to coupe. ” she said. “Understandible. There is no right or wrong way to mourn or coupe or heal. Everyone does it differently. “He said. 

“I stil have healing to do. ” she said. He took her hand. “I know. I am hear for you. Always. Whatever you need whenever.  I am hear for you. I want to help you heal. “He assured her. “Thank you. “She squeezed   his hand. He squeezed it back. 

“Its hard to talk to my mom and sisters. They worry about me. They want me to be ok. They worry if im not totaly alright i will become realy depressed or a danger to myself. The truth is im not ok but im ok. If that makes sense.  ” she said. 

“It does make perfect sense. Its there job to worry. You can understand why. You can always talk to me. I promise i wont judge. I want you to feel free to be honest. ” he said. 

“I want to be ok. I really do. ” he said.”i know. You dont have to be strong. You dont have to be ok. We can work though this together.  ” he told her. “Ok. “She said.

They got talking about various things.she just stoped. She got frantic. “You ok kriss?” he asked. “What is the date today?” she asked. “May 27th. “He said. ” oh no. I got to go home. ” she said. “What is it?” he asked.

“Today is the day that dad died. I just want to be alone. ” she said.   “Ok.”he said. They packed everything up. They put everything away in the car. 

She did not say mutch on the way home. He pulled in her driveway.she had just shut down. “Call me when you want to. ” he said. “Ok” she said.she then went inside. 

He drove home.  ” your home early. “His mom said. “She wanted to get home.   “He said.  “You ok son?” his dad asked. “Yea im fine.  ” he said. 

He felt like they were nearing a breakthrough.  Then it was all over. He had no idea how to deal with it or what to do now.

End of part 11

End of sorrow part 8

Previously on end of sorrow

Andrew lost his fiancée in a car accident just weeks before the wedding was about to occur.  

Though andrew knew that liane is with the lord he took it hard. He shut down.  He gave up his goals of starting new churches. He was still involved in his local church. His heart was not in it sny more. He did the bear minimum of ministry. 

He relationship with the Lord was stagnent at best. A young lady named abby move next to him.  They went from acquaintance to friends. 

She forced him to come out of her shell and hiw lethargy.  At first he fought it tooth and nail. He realized that he could loose abby. He decided that he did not want that.

They had a heart to heart talk. He wants to go slow. He does want to court her. She was agreeable to that. They decided to give it a chance.  

“We should probably call it a night but i am really glad we got to talk. ” abby said. “I am too. Have a good night! ” he said. “You too . i love you. “She said. “I love you too.” he said.

He made sure that she got inside before he went inside. He went inside his place. He called his mom.

“Hi mom.” he said. “Hey andy. “She said.”abby and i had a long talk tonight.  We are going to give a relationship a try. ” he said.

“Are you good with this? ” she asked.”i am good with it. I really like her. I just never imagined that i could be involved with someone other then liane. It is going to take a while to get use to it. ” he said. 

“You told abby that?” his mom asked. “I did. She is open to going slow. She just wants a commitment.  I am ready for that. I am at a point where i can commit to abby. ” he told her.

“Good. I am glad to hear that.  Keep talking. Be open and honest with her. Be honest with yourself. Commitment is a one time thing and an ongoing thing. It is what the bible would call an on going decision with ongoing consequences.  It is one big decisions folowed up by little ones. If you pursue abby you must persue her to the exclusion of everyone else.  That includes liane. ” his mom said.

He knew that his mom was right. It was still hard. He tried to do that. He wanted to be a one woman man. He knew that if he really wanted to be with abby. He knew if he was going to be with abby, he had to be with abby.

He knew that he could always count on his mom to tell him what he needed to hear. He knew that she would tell him what he wanted to hear even when he did not want to hear it. He often sought his mom out because he knew that she would be candid. He thanked the lord for both his parent’s and there wisdom.

He went to his living room. He had a picture of him and liane.  He looked at the picture. He took it and put the picture of them in a box. He took all the pictures he had in a box. He put it in a cubbyhole. He closed it. He took a breath.

The next day he left his place. He got in his car. He decided to take a deter before he went for to his job. He stoped at the home of clark ans jacky.

 He went out back and saw clark near his garage.  “Andrew it has been a long time sense you have stopped by. ” clark said. “I know it. I practically lived hear did i not?” he asked.

“Jacky and i wondered if liane stil lived hear. I gues it is a matter of perspective.  ” clark said.  “Probably.  ” he said.

“We miss seing you hear. We understand why. ” clark said. “There are a lot Of memories hear.  ” he remarked. “You two were attached to the hip. ” clark said.  “Indeed we were. ” he said. 

“Look sir. I wanted to talk to you in private. The young lady at the picnic.  We are going to try to date. I am sorry you had to see us together before i had a time to talk to you personally.  It was kind of last minute. ” he told her. 

“I am glad you came to see me. Look andy i know you loved liane. I have no doubt of how much lee ment to you.  Jacky and i talked about it. We both feel the same way. Liane would have wanted you to move on with your life. You are young. You have mourned enough.  There is a time to mourn. That time has passed. It will be hard to see you with someone else. It was bound to happen. I dont begrudge you for wanting to move on. There is no hard feelings. ” clark said.

“Thank you i really appreciate that. It means alot. ” he told him. “The lord has his hand on you. I am sure of that. He will use you. I believe that strongly. ” clark said.

This was a very hard visit.  He felt he had to do it. He went to his car. He changed his profile picture om facebook. It had been a picture of him taken at his parents house.he lookef at pictures of him. He found one of himself and abby. It was taken at the concert. He made it to the profile picture.

Then he sent abby a relationship request. He hit send. He headed to his work place. 

Abby was glad that they had talked. She felt that they had gotten somewhere. She was not sure if this was a big step or a smal step.  She was willing to take either. 

She heard a ping on her phone. She saw a face book update.  She clicked on it. It was a relationship request from andy. It had been said that a relationship was not oficial until it was on facebook. She saw that he had changed his profile pic. He was sending her a mmessage . He was serious.  

She cried a bit. She tended to get emotional.  She was a bit of a softie. She loved him. She knew that she did. She hit accept.

She looked though her pics. She had several pics of them. There was a pic of them at his church during there picnic. She put that as her profile pic.

She texted him. “I love i love i love you i love you!”. She sent it. He saw the text before he clocked in. He texted her back.  “I love you sweet heart.” he told her.

Work had gone well. He was happy when the day was over. He was happy that the day went fast. He had had a good day. Work had gone well. He had headed out . he had clocked out. He headed to the car. 

He opened the car door. He checked his phone. He was suprised that there were no messages from abby. He checked his Facebook.  Everyone from immediate to take extended family to friends, school mates ,church people etc. He was excited to see the messages.  Everyone was excited by there news.

He drove to his place. He parked. Her car was gone. He was suprised.  He left the car. He went inside the house. He decided to call her. 

” hi there!  I lost tract of time. I am heading back to my apartment.  ” she said.  After a few seconds he saw her car pull in. ” come on.”she said. ” where are we going?” he asked. ” we are going out for dinner to celebrate our relationship.  I thought we go to the spot of our first date. ” he said.

“Should i change? ” he asked. “No you look fine. Come on.” she said.he chuckled.  He got in. Off they went.  

End of part 8

Next up 

Abby and andy go out on a date to celebrate there new relationship.  

End of sorrow part seven 

Previously on end of sorrow 

 Andrew lost his fiancée just before they were to be maried. A year later he met a penticostal girl named abby.she became his neighbor. She was interested in him romantically.  She did all she could to pesure him. He did not seem to be interested.  He tended to go back and forth.

His mom warned him not to go back and forth. She told him to be in it or not. She instructed him not to be in between.  She decided that she had to talk to her. 

He sat on his steps for a bit. He tried to short things out. He was ready to talk to her at least he thought he was.

He took out his phone.  He texted her. “Hey abby can you come out to the steps? ” he asked in the text.

They both had the rule that they would never be alone together until or unless they were maried. They haf never been inside the other’s apartment. They did not hang out on each other’s steps.  

The door opened.   Abby came out. She wore a blue shirt and jeens. She was wearing flip flops. She smiled at him.he smiled back.  “You summoned me? ” she said in a playfull tone.

She sat down next to him. “I wanted to talk to you. ” he said.”whats up?”she asked.  “My mom is woried i am sending you mixed singles.  She says if i keep hesitating, some penticostal guy is going to scoop you up. “Andrew said. 

” that is not going to happen andy. I would not let that happen. ” she assured him. “Its not fair. I dont want to hurt you. I do care about you. I dont want to see you hurt.” he told her.

“I know that. I know this is hard.  “Abby said.  ” in many ways liane and i dated sence we were little kids. I realy believed us getting maried was part of his plan. It made sense.  Everything seemed to be building towards that . that was no reason to not head in that direction.  Then in a split seccond,  it all changed. She is gone. My life my ministry it was all intertwined with her. I thought that was how it should be. Now nothing makes sense. I am lost.” he said. 

” i am not unsympathetic.  I would feel the same way.  To invest tbat much in someone else. ” she said. 

“I dont know where to go now. I dont know how to think or feel. I am not angery with God. I just dont get it. When liane died i figured i would be single the rest of my life. I had no desire to be with anyone. I had no desire for romance. Over time i became content to remain that way. ” he said.  

“Is that what you want ?” she asked. “I dont know. I did not think of it that way. I am not sure i have it in me to comit to someone. I am not sure i can be vanerable again.  I am not sure i am ready to love again. I dont know if i ever will. It is hard for me to let my gaurd down.  To embrace you. To even let you in. I find that dificult.i do care about you. I love spending time with you.   I love having you in my life. I gues i am sending you mixed signals.  I am truly sory for that. The last thing i want is to hurt you. Your so sweet!” he said. 

She smiled. She rested her head on his shoulders.  ” i know that.  I know you care about me. I know this is hard for you. I can’t begin to know all the things you have felt. The internal strugles. The not wanting to let anyone get to close to you. Are you open to the posibility of an us ?” abby asked. 

 “I am open to that possibility.  ” he said.  “I understand that you want to go slow. I ubderstand this is hard.  I know it will take time.  I need some commitment if your part. I need you to comit to us even if it is sometime In The future. I need stability secuity. I know we are not goung to mart tomorrow although it would be nice. I will wait if i know that i am waiting for something real. If there is something to wait for.  I cant wait for something that will never happen. If i know we are working towards something.  Something tangible. ” she said.

“Do you see me as your potential husband? “He asked.  “Yes i do. I have liked you sense that first day when i moved in. I would hornored to be your wife. “She said.

“I like you abby.i really do.i am afraid to open up again.  I am afraid to let my gaurd down.” he said. ” we are not in control.  Any control we believe we have is an ilisuon. We dont control anything. We dont sit in the drivers seat. We are not promised another second of breath.  What is our life is it even a vapor? Our times are in his hands.  I dont have a clue what the future holds. Im ok with that. I have never been on control not totaly.  I chose to rely in the one who is. Whatever happens. Though he slay me yet will i trust in him. This is not you. You are not living your existing. I have seen the real you. You cant keep your gourd up foever.” she said.  

“I know that. I know i am not in control.  I am ok with it. It is dificult. Do you want to mary me someday?” he asked.  “Yes i do. I think we will make a great couple. I want you to get back on tract. We will start a church as you wanted to. I will be a pastors wife. We will have kids. We will serve the lord together . are you open to us marrying eachorher? ” he asked. “Yes i am open to that. ” he said.  

“Look im not liane. I will never be her.  I cant be. I have a different personality.  Different background life experience.  I am a different person. I am far from a perfect person.  I have a lot of love to give. I have been told i have the gift of encouragement.  I would love to be able to be an encouragement to you. I think we will make a great team. ” she said. 

“You do really care about me?” he asked.”i do. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I am committed to that. I want that. We can take it slow.i just want you to commit to me. Commit to mariege in the future.  Even if it is much later.  As i said i l would marry you tomorrow but i am willing to wait as long as i am waiting for something. I am wiling to go on your pace. ” she told him. 

“I know your not liane. I dont want you to be her. I do like you. I love who you are. Your funy silly at times. I love your bubly attitude. I love the thought of spending the rest of my life with you. I like it alot.”he said. 

” i appreciate your honesty. I know it was hard for you to open up like this.  I want you to be honest with me. I want to get to know you. Keep opening up. You can trust me i will never judge you. “She said.

“I am sorr if i hurt you. I am Sory to send mixed meseges. ” he told her. “I was hurt i wont lie. I was discoureged. I need you to let me in. I need you to try. I need you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. I want to see you working at this. “She said. 

“I hate the thought of you with someone else.  ” he said. “I hate that too. I dont want to be someone else. I want to be with you. I am not going anywhere as long as you dont push me away.  Lets work on this together. ” she said. 

“Ok. I do want to go slow but at the same time i want to move froward. Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. “Yes i will. ” she said. He smiled. He hugged her. She held on to him. Neither one wanted to let the other go. 

End of part 7.