Panic attack part 9

Previously  on  panic attack 

Jack the son of a pastor meets a young lady with a tragic past. At first she and her family are reluctent to accept him. After a time Kristin is wiling to pursue a relationship with her . she and her fanily put some stipulation on it. 

Jack was eating breakfast with his family. “So. Your mom and i were talking. We would like to get to know Kristin more. ” his pastor commented.

“We would like to have her over for supper. We were wondering if she could come tomorow night. ” his mom said. “I will invite her.” jack told his mom.

He figured that she would be open to coming over to dinner at some point. He had no idea of she would want to come over this soon.  He was almost afraid to ask her. He was not sure how his parents would feel if she declined or wanted a rain check.  He decided not to create a crises before it happened. 

Jack got ready for his day.  Then he dialed her number. “Hi krissy. ” jack said.  ” hi jack. How are you?” she asked.  ” good. How are you?” she asked. “Doing good.  Kris my parents were wondering if you could come over for dinner tomorrow.  ” he asked you.

“Tomorow?” she asked. “Yes. Is this too little prior nottice?” he asked. “No . yea i can come tomorow.  “She said.”awesome!  I will let mom know. ” he said. “Thank them for inviting me. ” she said.” i will do that. ” he said.

“I have to admit that i am really nervous. ” she admited. “I gathered  that.  It will be fine. They really like you. Mom and dad are realy great.  You have nothing to wory about.  I know it is going to go great. ” he assured her. 

“I do want to go. I. Just really nervous about it. I am just worried i will make a bad impresson. What if They dont think i am good enough of there little boy?” she remarked. “Now you know how i feel. I was so nervous when i came to diner at your house. ” he said. 

“I am not really good at this stuff. ” she said.  “It is really low pressure i promise.  Just relax. It will be ok. ” he said. “It is a good thing i love you and your cute!” she said. “You think im cute?” he asked. “Dont let it go to your head. Your not that cute?” she said laughing. He laughed.

“It really will be ok. ” he assured her. ” yea i know.  Ok i trust you. ” she said.”good.  I am really excited about this. I think it is going to be great. I really do. ” he said.  “Ok. I hope your right. ” she said.

After she hung up,  she went downstairs. “Are you ok kris?” ashly asked. “Yea. Jack’s perrents invited me to dinner tomorrow. ” she said. “Are you going to go?” her mom asked.  “I agreed to go. I hope i dont regret it. ” kristin said. “You seam realy nervous.  ” her mom said. “I guess i am. What if i say something stupid?” she asked.

“Well jack had to come to dinner with us. Its only fair that you have to go to dinner with them. ” her mom said. “I know. I am not really a good at this.  ” kris said.  “You will do fine.they already like you. You have there permission to date him. ” her mom said. “I realy want them to be my in laws someday. If i mess this up that might not happen. ” she said. “Dont worry about it. Just relax. You will do fine.  “Ashly said.

 Friday night came. It got close to being the time to go to the rayburn’s.she decided to wate a pink sweater with a gray skirt. She wore black shoes. She braded her hair. She went downstairs.  “Do i look ok?” she asked.  “You look great.  ” ashly asked.”you sure? ” she asked. “You look fine kris!” her mom said. 

She took a deep breath.  She huged her mom and sister. She went to her car. She got in. She drove to the home of the rayburns. 

 The jeep she drove pulled up at the  home of the pastor and his family. She hoped she had a few secconds to take a deep breath. She was sighted. Jack watched for him at the window. He walked out of the home. 

He walked over to her. He smiled and she smiled back. “You look realy nice tonight. ” he said. “Thank you. ” she said. He hugged her. They walked inside. 

“Hi kristin. ” mrs rayburn said.  “Thank you for inviting me. ” kristin told them. “Our plesure. We have wanted to have you over for a while now.  “Pastor rayburn said. “I asked jack if you had any alergies or was vegiterian or anything like that. ” his mom said.”i dont have any algeries. I am not picky at al. “Kristin said. ” i did not think so. ” mrs. Rayburn said. 

 The rayburns had five children aside from jack. Jack was the oldest at age 24 and the youngest was a year old. Kristin was seated next to jack and his sister kate. They serrved lasagna whitch she loved. 

 “So i hope Timothy and rachele are minding you well during there piano lessons?” mrs rayburn said.”they are doing very well. I am happy to them. I cant wait to start teaching anna. Someday little merissa. ” kristin said. 

“Mayby you can teach jack to play the piano.  ” his brother Philip suggested. “Yea. You dont want that. I think the two piano teachers decided to retire after trying to teach me. “Jack said. “He is the only rayburn in the family that does not play an instrament. ” kate said. “Aside from myself.  ” pastor rayburn said. 

” everyone has unique abilities.  Not everyone has to play a musical instrament. ” kristin said. “I can play the radio. ” jack said. “I am an avid radio player.  ” pastor rayburn said. The family laughed.

“My poor family has heard my corny jokes alot. It is nice to meet someobe who has bot heard them. ” pastor rayburn said. ” you dont have to tell them all at once. ” mrs rayburn said.they all laughed. 

” “so how do you like our church?” kate asked. “I really like it. Our whole family does. Everyone has been really great. ” Kristin said. “We enjoy your whole family.  Your family has been a great adition to the family. “Pastor rayburn said. “Thank you.  ” kristin said. 

“We try to have a family atmosphere at church. ” mrs. Rayburn said. “You really do. We apreciate how everyone went out of there way to make us feel welcomed. “Kristin said. 

The night was going well. Kristin enjoyed being with jack’s family.  ” so has dad checked your doctrinal satement?” Philip asked. “No i dont think that i dissagre on doctrine.  I read from king james bible,only wear dreses or skirts. I dont subscribe to penticostal or reformed theology. I am not neo evengelical and believe in separated from rommon catholism. ” Kristin said. “He is kidding with you. ” kate said. She laughed.  

“You dont listen to klove do you?” phil asked. Oh no she thought. She does listen to klove. She squeeze jack’s hand. ” you will have to excuse Phil.  He is stil young and does not always know when things are appropriate. ” jack said.

Then jack changd the conversation. As they had desert she  forget to take her anti dipresents.”oh no?” she thought.  She left it at home.she started to panic.  She got qiet. 

After a while, he went after to her. ” hunnie?  Are you ok?” jack asked. ” i forgot to take my antidipresent. ” she said.  “Are you ok? ” jack asked. “I think so.  ” she said. 

After spending time with the family they went to the steps. ” im sory i listen to k love. I know i probably should not. Thank you for helping me out. ” she said. ” no problem.  What are boyfriends for?” he asked. ” i hate that you have to cover for me! ” she said.  

“Its fine. ” he said. ” i should realy get back” she said. “You dont have..  oh ok.”he said. He remembered there rule. She went inside and thanked them for there hospitility. They thanked her for coming. He walked her to her car.

 His patents did not know anything was ary. ” you two make a cute couple.”mrs. Rayburn said.  “I think so.” jack said. “You really like her?” his dad asked. “I do. ” he said. 

Later that night she called. “Sory i left abruptly. “She said. “Its fine. ” he said.”are you sure? ” she asked. “Yes i am sure. ” he said.  

To be continued. 


End of sorrow part seven 

Previously on end of sorrow 

 Andrew lost his fiancée just before they were to be maried. A year later he met a penticostal girl named abby.she became his neighbor. She was interested in him romantically.  She did all she could to pesure him. He did not seem to be interested.  He tended to go back and forth.

His mom warned him not to go back and forth. She told him to be in it or not. She instructed him not to be in between.  She decided that she had to talk to her. 

He sat on his steps for a bit. He tried to short things out. He was ready to talk to her at least he thought he was.

He took out his phone.  He texted her. “Hey abby can you come out to the steps? ” he asked in the text.

They both had the rule that they would never be alone together until or unless they were maried. They haf never been inside the other’s apartment. They did not hang out on each other’s steps.  

The door opened.   Abby came out. She wore a blue shirt and jeens. She was wearing flip flops. She smiled at him.he smiled back.  “You summoned me? ” she said in a playfull tone.

She sat down next to him. “I wanted to talk to you. ” he said.”whats up?”she asked.  “My mom is woried i am sending you mixed singles.  She says if i keep hesitating, some penticostal guy is going to scoop you up. “Andrew said. 

” that is not going to happen andy. I would not let that happen. ” she assured him. “Its not fair. I dont want to hurt you. I do care about you. I dont want to see you hurt.” he told her.

“I know that. I know this is hard.  “Abby said.  ” in many ways liane and i dated sence we were little kids. I realy believed us getting maried was part of his plan. It made sense.  Everything seemed to be building towards that . that was no reason to not head in that direction.  Then in a split seccond,  it all changed. She is gone. My life my ministry it was all intertwined with her. I thought that was how it should be. Now nothing makes sense. I am lost.” he said. 

” i am not unsympathetic.  I would feel the same way.  To invest tbat much in someone else. ” she said. 

“I dont know where to go now. I dont know how to think or feel. I am not angery with God. I just dont get it. When liane died i figured i would be single the rest of my life. I had no desire to be with anyone. I had no desire for romance. Over time i became content to remain that way. ” he said.  

“Is that what you want ?” she asked. “I dont know. I did not think of it that way. I am not sure i have it in me to comit to someone. I am not sure i can be vanerable again.  I am not sure i am ready to love again. I dont know if i ever will. It is hard for me to let my gaurd down.  To embrace you. To even let you in. I find that dificult.i do care about you. I love spending time with you.   I love having you in my life. I gues i am sending you mixed signals.  I am truly sory for that. The last thing i want is to hurt you. Your so sweet!” he said. 

She smiled. She rested her head on his shoulders.  ” i know that.  I know you care about me. I know this is hard for you. I can’t begin to know all the things you have felt. The internal strugles. The not wanting to let anyone get to close to you. Are you open to the posibility of an us ?” abby asked. 

 “I am open to that possibility.  ” he said.  “I understand that you want to go slow. I ubderstand this is hard.  I know it will take time.  I need some commitment if your part. I need you to comit to us even if it is sometime In The future. I need stability secuity. I know we are not goung to mart tomorrow although it would be nice. I will wait if i know that i am waiting for something real. If there is something to wait for.  I cant wait for something that will never happen. If i know we are working towards something.  Something tangible. ” she said.

“Do you see me as your potential husband? “He asked.  “Yes i do. I have liked you sense that first day when i moved in. I would hornored to be your wife. “She said.

“I like you abby.i really do.i am afraid to open up again.  I am afraid to let my gaurd down.” he said. ” we are not in control.  Any control we believe we have is an ilisuon. We dont control anything. We dont sit in the drivers seat. We are not promised another second of breath.  What is our life is it even a vapor? Our times are in his hands.  I dont have a clue what the future holds. Im ok with that. I have never been on control not totaly.  I chose to rely in the one who is. Whatever happens. Though he slay me yet will i trust in him. This is not you. You are not living your existing. I have seen the real you. You cant keep your gourd up foever.” she said.  

“I know that. I know i am not in control.  I am ok with it. It is dificult. Do you want to mary me someday?” he asked.  “Yes i do. I think we will make a great couple. I want you to get back on tract. We will start a church as you wanted to. I will be a pastors wife. We will have kids. We will serve the lord together . are you open to us marrying eachorher? ” he asked. “Yes i am open to that. ” he said.  

“Look im not liane. I will never be her.  I cant be. I have a different personality.  Different background life experience.  I am a different person. I am far from a perfect person.  I have a lot of love to give. I have been told i have the gift of encouragement.  I would love to be able to be an encouragement to you. I think we will make a great team. ” she said. 

“You do really care about me?” he asked.”i do. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I am committed to that. I want that. We can take it slow.i just want you to commit to me. Commit to mariege in the future.  Even if it is much later.  As i said i l would marry you tomorrow but i am willing to wait as long as i am waiting for something. I am wiling to go on your pace. ” she told him. 

“I know your not liane. I dont want you to be her. I do like you. I love who you are. Your funy silly at times. I love your bubly attitude. I love the thought of spending the rest of my life with you. I like it alot.”he said. 

” i appreciate your honesty. I know it was hard for you to open up like this.  I want you to be honest with me. I want to get to know you. Keep opening up. You can trust me i will never judge you. “She said.

“I am sorr if i hurt you. I am Sory to send mixed meseges. ” he told her. “I was hurt i wont lie. I was discoureged. I need you to let me in. I need you to try. I need you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. I want to see you working at this. “She said. 

“I hate the thought of you with someone else.  ” he said. “I hate that too. I dont want to be someone else. I want to be with you. I am not going anywhere as long as you dont push me away.  Lets work on this together. ” she said. 

“Ok. I do want to go slow but at the same time i want to move froward. Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. “Yes i will. ” she said. He smiled. He hugged her. She held on to him. Neither one wanted to let the other go. 

End of part 7. 

Panic attack part eight

Previously on panic attack 

Jack the son of a pastor and an unpaid assistent pastor meets a new family. One of the members is a young lady lady named kristin. He is intetested in her but recoils when he reaches out to her.

Her family tries to get him to stay away from her. He hornors there and her wishes.  She reaches out to him. Her mom let him court her with certain stipulations. 

Part eight.

 Jack got a call Wednesday morning.he answered it. He saw that it was krustin. “Krissy! Hey! ” he said. “Hey i was wondering if i could drop by the parsonage a few munutes before church and we can walk together.  No real reason.  I just wanted to catch up. ” she said. 

“Yea. Of course.  Can you hang out for a little bit after the service?” he said. ” yea. I would love to.” she said.”sounds good. This is our first service as a couple. “He said. ” it is. Can we sit together during the service. ” she asked. “Of course. ” he said. “Sounds good!  I will see you tonight.  ” she said. “Sounds good.” he said.  

After dinner, he got dressed for the mid week service.  His siblings teased him for taking longer to get ready then he usualy did. Then he heared her jeep pull up.

He went out to the porch. He went to see her. She was waring a white sweater and a pink skirt and sandles. “Hey there kris!” he said smiling. ” hi jack.” she said.

“You look nice tonight!   He told her.” thanks you look nice yourself. ” she said. “My siblings said i spent too much time in the bathrom getting ready. I dont think i did. ” he said. “My sister said the same thing about me. This is our first service as a couple. It is an historic event. ” kristin said. 

“I had the same thought.” he said. ” we wont tell our siblings that. ” she said. “No i have had my fill of sibling teasing.”he said. “I know what you meen. ” she said. 

They talked for a bit then started for the church. “So is your patents house the parsonage? ” she asked. “No . it was a house. The church was a business that we turned into a church. My parents bought the house several yeats after the church was started.  We lived in an apartment.  We were on the 45th floor. Not really but to a pre teen it felt that way. “He told her. She laughed.

“This is a beutiful property. ” she said. “Mom made sure of that.  She loves gardening.  ” she said.” my mom does too. I want to have a garden when i get maried. That was just for conversation purposes.  That was not.a hint hint” she said. He laughed. “Ok.” he said.

They heared the church. They saw two older ladies in the church. “Hello mrs. Brener mrs grener. ” jack said.  “Hi jack. Kristin!”mrs grener said. 

Jack felt a little awkward. There relationship was hardly a secret. He did not like to bring attention to himself.  They walked inside. 

They talked to verious people in the church. Thry sat down in the sanctuary. “I dont think i have seen you two sit together before?  ” mrs anesly said.

“I dont think we have.  ” jack said. “Is there significance to this?” mrs anesly asked. They looked at each other and smiled. “Thats what i thought . No presure but the church is for a wedding.  I an happy for you too.” she said. After a while she left.

They both laughed. “There was abit awkward.” jack said.”it will only get worse. “She said.”i know. Thats ok. Small church. News travel fast. ” he said. “I guess so. This church is due for a wedding. “She said.” kristin rayburn has a nice ring to it. “He said in a cacious tone. He hoped it was ok to say that this early in there relationship.  She smiled and said “yes it definently does.”she said. 

He felt a huge few. She smiled.  He loved to see smile. She tols him she was bubbly and outgoing before the car accident. That took her farther’s life. She was sad alot or was juat serious. She stil had a play full silly side. He loved to see her happy. 

He looked froward to being maried to her. He probably should think about that too much this early in the relationship.  It was hard not to. He could imagine her as a wife. 

She liked the idea of being maried to him. She tried not to blush but she did. He had an ability to disarm her. He could make her forgot about all that gone on. 

Wendsday night service in a independent fundamental Baptist church was basicaly a sunday night service plus a time of prayer.  They sung a few hyms,the pastor preached but it was more devotional. Then the men and women split up and prayed separately. 

After the prayer time,jack was reunited with kristin. Kristin smiled at him. The pastor concluded the service.  They mingled a bit. Everyone was curious about them.after a time they handed back to his house. 

They walked to the porch and sat down. “So a lot of fundamental baptist churches are a little leary about psychology, depression. Anxiety and chenical inbalience at the such. ” she said. 

“Yes they are. There is concern that psychology puts a primium on man’s wisdom as well as gues work. They dont consider sin and sin nature. Christian counselor work off seculer psychology as a starting point or they plug in a couple christian words hear and there. It is a concern. ” he said. 

“What about depression? “She asked. “The concern of dipresson is that it becomes man centered. You cant deny that dipreson exist.  Anxiety exist. ” he said. 

“Some churches we have attended in the past did not understand my situation. I see a christian counselor that has a psychology digree from a christian and secular university. We have had to leave churches over this. Some have seen us as worldly compromising, you name it. I have talked to pastors and they have helped. This is big.  Pastors although well meaning tend to give trite cliques. ” she said. 

“Your situation is unique.  You were though a major trauma.  You lost your dad. You suffered bumps and bruses. You were in a coma and had brain loss and had to relearn alot. You had thr triple whammy and then some. This is big. There is no denying that. ” he said. 

“I understand the concerns about psychology and wordly wisdom. My counselor helps. ” she said. “I believe the bible has the answer to all of lifes problem. The bible is the word of God. It is the final authority.  I dont know your counselor.  I dont want to speak to something i dont know.  I dont like acepting wordly premises. ” he told her. 

“Would your farther make me chose between my counselor and the church? Its happened before in other churches. ” she said. “Not unless there was a reason to. My faether practices church disipline but only if nesisary. If your counselor recomended something that is clearly contary to the word of God then there would be an issue.  Baring that there would probably not be an issue.  ” he said. 

“If we got maried would it be ok for me to continuing seing a counselor?”she asked. “I think so. We would have to discuss it. I do thibk so. I would have concerns i dont want to say no. “He said. 

“It troubles you?” she asked. “It does. The reason is because as Christians we are strangers and aliens. We are not of this world.we are citizens of heaven. We are ambassadors.  We are like diplomatic staf in another country.  American diplomats in lets say Britain are amerucans but they are not living in the us. They represent the American government.  We represent christ hear on earth. God works though the church.  God ordanes leaders in the church. Under shepherds.  Pastors have the responsibility of waching over the souls of those in there floak. They have to give acount to God for the conduct of those in there care. This is from Hebrew’s 13. Christians need to be under God given authority whitch is the local church.a counselor even a christian one is not under the authority of the local church. That is concerning. ” he said. 

He was realy concerned that he just blew it. He had no chance of a longer term relationship with her.he realy liked her. His love for her was growing. 

“You might not be ok with me seing a Christian counselor after we are maried? “She asked. “I dont know. I dont want to say a difinitive yes or no. I have concerns. We would have to see. ” he said.

Jack believed in honesty.  It was hard. He did not want to offend her.he did not want to torpedo the relationship before it ever really began. 

“Ok. I am glad that i know your view on this. “She said. “What are your thoughts on what i said?” he asked.”well i have found the counselor to be extremely helpful.  I would hate to discontinue it. I would be wiling to sit down with you and figure this out. “She answered. 

“Its not a deal breaker then?” he asked.she smiled.  “No its not a deal breaker!  “She said. “Good. I was woried.i dont want to deceve you. I fear that you might not be keen on some of my views. ” he said. “I do appreciate your honesty.  We can work though this “she said . “yes we definently can. ” he said. 

“knowing what i told you,you still want to court me?”she asked.he smiled. “Yes i do. ” he said. “Good! I am glad to hear that. ” he said. 

“Look i am on meducation for anxiety and dipresson.  “She told him. “Oh i see. I did not realize that. “He said. “I imagine that is troubling.” she said.  “A bit but not that troubling. “He said. “That is another sticking point with the churches we have attend. “She said. 

“I imagine that you cant just go off them at the drop of a hat?” he said. “No i cant. “She said. ” i had no idea. “He said. “Many in the churches object to anti dipresents and anti anxiety meds in general but also specifically.  They say i need time,hugs ,enotion suport. My medical advisors do not agree. They feel i do. Your right i can just go off them cold  turkey.  Does this change things for us?  Is this a deal breaker? “She asked. 

He took her hand and loomed her in the eye. “No its not a deal breaker. It is an issue. Its a chalenge but not a deal breaker.  ” he said. She rested her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her.

“I am glad to hear that. ” she said.”i am glad you told me this. I appreciate you trusting me with this.  You can trust me. I know i have to eaen your trust.  I gues i am strict and perhaps rigid but i am not judgemental or harsh. I dont want to be.i am very easy going. ” he said.

“I can see that. I know that to be true. ” she said. They talked for a while.  Then she decided to head home. He walked her to her vehicle. ” have a really good night!”he told her. “You too. ” she said. 

She hugged him.he held on to her.neither one wanted to let go.both had a few tears on there face. They dispersed. As she pulled out,she waved. He smiledand waved back. He then went back inside.  

She expected him to blab about her medication to everyone in the church.he did not. He did not even tell his dad. He kept it to himself.  She was surprised. She asked him.

“Why haven’t you told anyone about my medication? ” she asked. “Its not there bussiness. ” he answered. “You did not even tell your dad?” she asked. “We need to figure this out together. I hope you and i are forning a new family. I figure you and i can work this out together.  Perhaps i will tell him later. Not without your conscent. I promise you that. “He said. “Ok thank you. “She said. 

End of part 8.

Next up

Kristin is invited to dinner at jack’s family’s house. 

End of sorrow part six

Andrew lost his fiancé two years ago. He was still not over her. Then he got a new neighbor.  A bubbly outgoing penticoastal girl named abby. Abby is determined to bringing andrew out if his doldrums.  It was proving harder then she anticipated. 

For a time she decided to back off. She gave him some space.  She invited herself to a picnic at his church. Now they were headed to her church for the saterday evening church. 

“I am not going to melt or spontaneously combust am i?” andrew asked. “You never know. There is this weird stain in the lobby.  No on wants to talk about it!” she said. “Funny! ” he said. “You will be fine. ” she assured him. 

He parked the car. They excited the car. At some point in the walk up they started to hold hands. It was unclear who inciated it. Abby realized they were holding hands again. She decided to conduct an experiment.  She took her hand out of his. He took her hand back.her heart started to pound. He smiled at her in a way she had never seen him smile before. 

He held the door for her. A couple friends came up to them. ” so you really excist!” her friend james remarked. “Was my existence in question? ” he asked. They laughed.”a little. ” april said.   He laughed.  “I do exist! ” he said. They laughed.

They walked in. They sat down. Abby was getting woried. Everytime they had a breakthough he withdrew. She was not sure he was really ready to fully embrace her. He had gotten swept up into the moment. She feared he would panic and withdraw again. She was nervous.

Mayby this was a bad idea.mayby she had gotten swept up in the moment. She had to stop herself from panicking.  

“You got qiet all of a sudden. You ok?” he asked.  “Yea im fine. ” she said. “Just making sure.  ” he said. 

During the worship time abby sang and danced and raised her hands. Every once in a while she whispered to him asking him how he was doing. He said he was fine. He laughed. 

After the service they mingled quite a bit. Eventually they made it to the parking lot. They went to the car.”what did you think?” she asked. “The preaching was good. Not quite as good as my pastor but it was  good. ” he said.

They went to the car. They got into the vehicle.  “I am really glad you came! ” she said smiling. “I am glad i did too. ” he told her. The car headed to there street. 

They talked for a bit on the steps.”i had a good day with you!” he told her. “I had a good day with you. ” she said.  They said there goodbyes. She went inside. 

She felt anxious.  She did have a good day. It was amazing.  She feared that he really was not ready.the shadow of liane lingered. Mayby she should just walk away. She did not want to. 

 She was falling in love with him. He was who she wanted to be with for the rest of her life.  He might never be there.  Liane had become larger then life. She started to take on Mythological proportion.  Abby could not hope to compete with a legend. 

She started to cry. She had no idea what to do. She believed that the lord was bringing them together. It made sense. She hoped That he could move on. This was harder then she ever could have imagined. 

Later that week, andrew got a phone call. “Hi mom!” he said. “Andrew i wanted to talk to you about something! ” she said. “Oh?” he said.

“Abbygail really likes you. ” his mom said.”i know she does. I think the world of her. She is a spitfire but she is a sweetheart.  ” he said. “Andrew. I dont think you understand. ” she said. “What do you meen?” he said.

“She really likes you. I think she thinks that you and her might have a future togerher. A lasting one. “She said. “I see. Are you sure?” he asked. “Yes i am.” she said.

“Did she tell you that?” he asked. “No. She did not have to. Look i know liane’s death was hard on you. It breaks my heart that you have to go though this. You have had to deal with things no one should have to at your age. Abby has feelings too. Do not hurt that girl andrew! If you cant give her your heart or you dont want her, tell her.  Saver all ties now. She wont like it but she will get over it. Do not string her along. Dont make her wait foever for you if you cant commit. Do not do it! ” she admonished him. 

“You think im stringing her along?” andy asked. “Not intentionally  but that is the result never the less. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. “She told him. ” i know that.  ” he said. “Do not hurt her.either be in it or be out. Do not try to ride the fence. ” she said.

“You think that is what i am doing?” he asked.  “I do. I know why but its not fair to her. “She said “i had not thought of it in these terms.” he said.

“Your under the impreson that she will wait for you forever but she may not. Some penticostal may scoop her up. She wont wait foever. She may want to and plan to. If you keep rebuffing her and someone else comes in. She still go with him. She just will.if you keep on this road you will lose her. You will. I gurente it. I would really think about this. I would decide now. She wont wait not foever. ” she said. 

He knew she was right . he had not condidered any of it. He did not consider her leaving him and moving on to be a real posibility. His moms words were like a splash of cold watter on his face while sleeping. He did not know what to do. Could he say goodbye to her foever? Could he fully embrace her.he just did not know. 

End of part six. 

Next up 

Andy sits down with abby for a heart to heart.  

Wedding party part three

He parked the car in the driveway. In a way amber had become part of the family,his family. It was hard for him to admit that outside his thoughts. He knew it was true.  He was glad that she was back. He knew it would only be for a a short time. He had to enjoy her presence while she was hear.

 They walked inside. Mat’s mom came over to her. Amber huged her.”it is so good to see you amber. “Mat’s mom told her. “Thank you. It is good to be back. ” she told her.”you have definently have been missed. ” mat’s mom told her.

 Amber had come to respect and admire the whole family. She had come to think of mrs davis and the late pastor davis as a seccond family.  Amber thought about mrs.davis often. 

Mrs. Davis was stil relitivly young.she had young children at home. She had a lotbon her shoulders. Yet she handled it well.she was always calm and resolute. It was evident that she had the joy of the lord.  

Amber took her stuff up to the room that she would be staying in. She then spent time catching up with mrs. Davis. Then after a time, tracy and steve came back. Amber hugged tracy. “I missed you amber.”tracy said. “I missed you trace. “Amber said. She and steve exchanged greatings. 

When amber first met tracy,she was a bit shy and awkward.  When tracy went to bible college ,amber figured that tracy would grow and change. Of course she did. She met steve at college.

Tracy and steve had been part of the same group of friends. Steve was a missionary kid. His parents were missionaries to Brazil.  She and steve were acquaintances at first. They hung out more and more. They grew closer and closer. After a time steve got her farthers permission to formerly court her. When he asked her to marry him,she said yes. 

Amber remembered the first time she mentioned steve. As time went on she realized that it was serious.amber knew that one day they would get maried. Amber hoped one day she would meat someone. So far she had not. She tried not to force the issue. Every time she tried to force the issue,she was miserable. She gave up and told the lord that she would wait for his timing. She had a peace that he would be revealed in the right time.

Matt regreted dispariging amber and Tracy’s friendship. He could not beleve just how wrong he had been.had he gotten his way,Tracy would have missed a loyal friend. The family would have been deprived of an honorary family member. He was glad that he had not got his way on that occasion. He was judgemental and conceited back then. Bible college, ministry and time in the word had tampered him.  

Tracy and amber had a lot of catching up to do. They were happy to see eachother. “It is good to see you.  “Tracy said. “”Like wuse trace. I missed you. I am so happy to see you. ” amber said. 

“Thanks. Your not!” tracy said. “I hope so. I cant seem to meet anyone. I am not worried about it. I feel like i see be. I feel like the lord is telling to wait patciently for it.”amber said.  

“Keep serving the lord. Pray for him. I know he will turn up. I fully expect to be your maid of hornor soon. “Tracy said. “Its not easy living by faith. I think your right.” amber said. 

“How was your time with mat?”tracy asked. “I pushed every button he has. I hope he stil wants to speak to me at the end of the week. I hope he wont get sick of me.”amber said. 

“I am sure he is fine. I doubt he will get sick of it. ” amber said.”i dont meen to drive him crazy.  Well at least to the extent i do. I do kinda enjoy getting on his nurves. I dont know why. He is so uptight!” amber said. 

“I dont think you anoy him as much as you think you do.” tracy remarked.”thats disipointing. I will have to work harder. “Amber said.”i think your growing on him.”tracy said. 

“Despite his rigid thinking,he is a good man. He is a good friend. I do like him. Dont tell him i said that. “She said.  

“I am not suprised.i know he feels the same way. He would never admit it. “Tracy told him. “I realy enjoyed the drive hear. I am not sure he did. “Amber said. “He will get over it. “Tracy said. They both chuckled. 

 They had dinner . they hung out  in the living room after ward. It was like the old days except that pastor davis was not there and steve was there. It was how it was before the kids started to go off to college and going on there own. Things were changing rapidly. It was not the same as it was but this was close. 

Even mrs.davis was lauthing.mat and ambet set next to eachother.they were very playfull.they teased eachother. They were very comfortable around eachother. That was evident. 

After a while,matt decided that he should probably go back to his place.”it is getting late . i should be heading back. “He said. He said his good night to everyone. Amber voluntered to walk him to his car. 

“It is good to see you. “Amber told him. “Its so good to see you. I am so glad im hear too. “She said. He huged her. “Well have a good night.i will see you tomorrow.  “He told her. “You bett.” she said. He got into the car. 

He started the car. The car drove off.amber watched him leave. She stayed outside until he was out of site. Then she went inside. The door was shut. 

End of part three. 

The wedding party part two 

Mat and amber always had a complex relationship.  Tracy had been sheltered.  When she started her first job,she was a fish out of water.  She felt out of place. Amber had been a breath of fresh air. Amber was not quite as sheltered but still tried to not be off the world. 

Amber tried to befriend tracy right away. She started to talk to her right away. Tracy was shy. Amber brought her out if her shell. 

At first,Tracy’s family was concerned about her being friends with a penticoastal. Tracy was not quite as separated as they were. They were concerned about what kind if influence she would have on there little girl. They invited her to supper. It was kind of a fact finding misson. 

Matt was opposed to even giving amber a chance.he dreaded the whole thing.  He had done extensive reserch on the charusnaric movement.  He was very opposed to anything to do with. He wanted his parents to just forbid tracy from associating with amber and be done with it. He trusted his  parent’s and decided to give her a chance  as they requested.  

Amber hit it off with there parents. Thet found her to be very polite. She showed evidence of speituel gowth. She was mature and responsible. 

Matt did not approve of her. He disliked the influence of penticostalism in the church. The charismatic movement waa beginning to creep into the i.v.b. he did not want to like amber. 

He tended to be standoifish to her.he usually greated her but that was about it. She became a frequent guest. After a while she became almost a member of the family. 

He tried to get his parent’s to have an amber free night once a week. They would not go for that. They really liked her. They liked the influence she had on tracy.

Mat and amber bately talked.even small talk was rare.  She had connected with everyone in the family except for Matt.  

“Matthew, you are traning to be a pastor. You appear to have that caling in your life. As a pastor you must have the heart of compassion. A pastor cannot show partially or play favorites. Amber is a sweet young lady. She has earned our trust. She has been a good friend to trace. I think that you should be nicer to her. ” his dad told her. 

Mat decided to put his objections aside. He wanted to honor his parents and there wishes. “You dont like me do you? “Amber once asked him. 

“You seam like a nice person.  I am certain you are a blood brought believer.  I am concerned about you hanging around tracy. I am woried that you could lead her away from the i.f.b.” he told her. 

“Your woried that i will try to turn her into a penticoastal?  “Amber asked. “I think you might influence her perhaps inadvertently.  “He answered.

“I respect your sister. I have no intention of trying to change your views. I reached out to a fellow belever. I realy like your family. I do not understand your antagonism.  “She said.

“I am alarmed by the spreading influence of penticostalism.  I believe we have to seperate from error. I believe penticoastalsm promotes error. “He said.

“You dont sugar coat things do you? “She asked. “With something like this never. ” he answered.”i dont want to turn teacy into a penticoastal.  She was lonely and isolated. I reached out. It is nice to talk to someone who does not sware every twenty seconds. I never thought your perents would adopt me.. I am glad they have.  ” she said. 

“My parents like you. I gues if they are ok with your friendship with trace i should be too. ” he said. 

“Can we agree to a cease fire? ” she asked. ” ok!” he answered. ” peace! ” she asked. She extended her hand and he shock it. 

They tried to be cordial.  He tried to at least be at peace with her. He slowly softened his stance towards her. Over time they went from barely speaking to eachother to becoming friends. She even made birthday cake for him. 

Tracy went off to a independent fundamental Baptist college. Anber went to a penticoastal colege. When amber came home there parents incisted she visited.  They kept in touch. Though she was disdent in geography she had a place in there heart.  Though he was reluctant to admit it she had a place in his heart.  He had a place in hers. 

She came though for the family when they needed her the most.  When there father died she stoped everything and flew to be with them.she did everything from make meals to just siting with them. They never forgot all she did.  

Matt was not someone who wore his heart on his sleeve.  He could be stoic. When she aeived back in town after his farther died,she hugged hin. He fully embraced her. After that,he no longer considered amber Tracy’s friend but his friend. They kept in touch after that.  He talked to her more then tracy had. 

“You have been missed!” he told her at dinner. He ment to conveigh the idea that she was missed by the family. She saw in his eyes that he missed her. 

She told him that she missed all of them. She knew that he understood that she missed him the most.  “Things have not been the same without yoy. Quiter but not the same!” he said.  “I will try not to be too loud. I dont want you to get sick of me. ” she told him. “I never get sick of you “he said. 

He did not realize right away that he had said it out load. He had not planned to say it audibly or had he.”i can get prety loud. Do you mean that?” she asked. 

“No anount of loudness will change how i feel about it. Dont push it though?” he said.she chuckled. “I wont. “She answered. 

“So how are you doing with all this?”she asked. “I am ok!”he answered. “How are you really?” she asked. “Slightly less then ok. There are constent reminders that dad is not with us.  He would be so excited. He would make so Manny jokes. He would probably tell steve he should have eloped.  He would forbid elsa and gracie from ever getting maried. Not a minute goes by that i dont think about him. Its hard to see tracy growing up. I am suposed to keep eveeything together. It weighs on me. ” he said. 

“Hey! You dont have to have it together with me. Condider me your emotional suport system.  I meen that. ” she said. “Thank you. I realy appreciate that. ” he said. “Please utilize me. “She pleaded with him. “I will!” he said. “Good!” she said.

After a while,they decided that it was time to head on. She was about to pay her part of the bill when he stoped her. “I got this!”he said.”are you sure?i should be paying for your meal. Your the one that has to put up with me for two houers. “She said.

“I had not considered that. ” he said.”your not going to sing are you?” he asked. “You dont like my singing? “She asked. “Your a fine singer. ” he said. “I might posibly sing and i might raise my hand.  “She said. “Woa! Wait a minute i draw the line at hand rasing. “He said. “Good luck with that. ” she said. 

He paid the bill. “Thank you. “She said. “No problem.  I am happy to do it. ” he told her. “You do know that this is going to be the longest two houers of your life. “She said.”i had a feeling that that was the case.” he said. 

He got the recept. They got up to leave. They went to the door and excited the restaurant.  He held the door for her. She thanked him. They walked to the car.

On the way home, she did sing along to the radio. He tried to not let it brother him. “How are you doing? “She asked. “Im ok. ” he said. “Just making sure. “She said in response. 

“Its good to see you. You drive me crazzy but i am glad to see you. I missed you. ” he told her. “I missed you. I am glad to see you. I enjoy driving you crazy. I dont intend to stop any time soon. ” she said.

“At least i know where you stand. “He said.”someone has to keep you on your toes. “She said. ” is that so?” he asked.  “It is” she said.”your very qalified for tour task. “He told her. He poked him lightly. They laughed. 

As the car drove back to the hometown,matt looked over at her.he smiled at her and she smiled back at him. She loved the way he looked at her. 

Despite her musical taste he realy enjoyed being with her. She loved talking to him. She wondered if he felt the same way she did about being with him.she was curious but not enough to ask. She was not sure he wanted to know. 

The car arived at the town. He drove to his mom’s house.  This was his childhood home.  “Thank you for picking me up. ” she told him. “I really was happy to do it.” he reaplied. “Its so good to see you. ” she said. “It is also good to see you.” he said. 

He parked the car in the driveway. In a way amber was a part of the family,his family. It was hard for him to admit it acept in his thoughts.  He knew how he felt.he was so glad that he was back. He knew that it would only be for a short time. He would enjoy her presence as long as she was hear. 

She was hear. He would savor the time she was hear. He would enjoy her time hear. He would not think about her leaving again.  

To be continued.  

The wedding party

Mat’s sister tracy was getting married.  There dad died a few years earlier. The job of giving away the bride fell to matt. It was hard for everyone in the family. There dad had been larger then life. His absence was felt. They were independent fundamental Baptist and they were confident that he was in the presence of the lord. The upcoming wedding made his absence felt even more. 

Everyone was excited for tracy. Mat felt that it was his responsibility to make sure that the wedding was everything she dreamed it to be. He felt that he was his dad’s stand in. He took that duty very seriously. He wanted tracy to have a wedding she would never forget.  

Matt had attended an independent baptist church. When his farther died unexpectedly, he took over the pastoral duties of the church. The church eventually voted him in as pastor. This kept him buisy. 

This week he took week off to get ready for the wedding.  An old pastor would aficiate. 


Seven days before the wedding.  

“Hey! Steve wants me to come with her when he takes his parrents and grand parents out for dinner tomorrow.  Can you pick up amber at the airport? “Tracy asked. “Yea sure.  Is she going to be slain in the sprit on the ride back?” he asked. 

“I have no idea. With her you never can tell. ” tracy said. “That i know.  “He answered.  

Amber was tracy’s best friend .they met while they worked at a restaurant one summer. They had it off despite differences.  Tracy was an independent fundamental Baptist and amber was penticostal. She was the only other christian there. They had become close friends. 

Amber had been thriled when tracy asked her to be her maid of honor.  She moved to the west coast for colege. She went to work for the college after she graduated. 

Matt knew amber quite well. She had come over to there house quite frequently.  They had a cordial relationship. He did gril her on doctrinal isues from time to time. When there farther died,she fkew out for the funeral. She cooked meels and took care of the minute stuff. No one in the family would forget her kindness and attention.they made sure she knew how appreciative they were of her. 

“Thank you i really appreciate this.i am trying not to double book has not always worked out that way. Your a life savior. I will tell amber to be on her best behavior.  No prothetic uterence at least not in an unknown tounge. ” tracy said.”i guess that will have to suffice! ” he said. 


6 days before the wedding. 

He drove to the airport.  He had a collection of hyms playing on the radio. He got a little nervous. He felt a little apprehensive.  

He parked and went inside. He saw the passengers arived. He saw her.she wore a pink t shirt with a gray skirt and flip flops. She had his luggage with her. She knew that matt was going to pick her up. 

There eyes met. She smilled at her and he smiled back. “Hi amber its good to see you!” he told her.she gave her a hug. She had no idea why she did that. That was not like her. She stoped and moved away. “Im sorry! “She said. He chuckled.  “Its fine!” he said. 

“So are you in a hury to get back or do you want to stop for lunch?” he asked. “Can we,i am starving. I gotthe cheapest airfare there is. I did not even get a package of penuts. “She said. 

“Yea of course. It will give us time to catch up. “He remarked. “I would like that.  “She answered. “Great!” he said. 

They went to the car. They got into the car. He started the car. “I have a cd in but you can turn on the radio if you want. “He said. “Thank you” she said. She put on the radio. She put on k love. 

“Ccm! I should have known. ” he said. “Yes. You should have. I know your not suportive of k love . you believe the old hymms are the only viable kind of music for the church.  I disagree with you on that.  “She told him. 

“This is a topic we dont agree on. I will let you play iy never the less. “He told her. She laughed. “Ok. I appreciate that. ” she said. 

They went to the restaurant.  “So how do you feel about our miss tracy being all grown up?” she asked. “Weird. Seams like yesterday she was a baby. I am happy for her. Steve is a good guy. He loves the lord and loves her. I have seen the lord working in both there lives. It is a little bitersweet. ” she said. “I figured.”she said.

“I guess it was only a matter of time before she got married and moved out of her own. It is stil hard. I am her big brother. It is my job to worry about her. ” he said. 

“It is a lot of responsibility.  “She said. “I appreciate you recognizing that. I dont mind doing it but it is a lot. I dont take it lightly.  I want to do right by my dad,my mom tracy and the whole family. ” he said.

“Your doing fine. It is all going to come together. It is not going to be a success.  ” she remarked. 

“I hope so. ” he said ” i know it cant be easy with your dad gone!” she remarked. “I miss him.i feel his absence the closer we get to the weading day. ” he answered.  “How is your mom doing with all this? ” she asked. “She has not said anything. I know that it is hard for her. She has the same mixed feelings we all do. ” he said. “Understandable.  “She said.

“I gues dad not being hear is the elephant in the room.  Weare trying to make it special for Tracy.  This is the first lathen wedding.  ” he said.

“Well put me to work. Whatever you need, ask! I am totally at your disposal. ” she said. “You should not tell me that.i might overload you with all the stuff i dont want to do. ” he told her. “You can overload me. I dont mind. I am hear for you. ” she said. She ment to say im hear for your family. Could that have been what she ment to say?

“Thank you.  I really appreciate that.” he told her. “No problem. “She said. “The truth is that i could use a helper. I dont mind being overloaded but i would like to have someone to share the load with. ” he said. She knew that he was not only talking about the work load.she wanted to make sure he knew that she was wiling to share the emotional load as well.  

“I am so glad your hear. ” he said. “Thanks. So how have you been?” she asked. “Extremely buisy but good. The church keeps me buisy. The church is really growing. I am excited by all that is happening. How are you?” he asked. 

“Good. Between the flower shop and and working at the college.  I like the area but i miss my home town and area.  ” she said. “Have you considered moving back? ” he asked. “I love working at the college but yes i could see myself moving back. “She answered.  That answer made him smile. She took notice of that.

To be continued.