Previously on end of sorrow
Andrew lost his fiancée just before they were to be maried. A year later he met a penticostal girl named abby.she became his neighbor. She was interested in him romantically. She did all she could to pesure him. He did not seem to be interested. He tended to go back and forth.
His mom warned him not to go back and forth. She told him to be in it or not. She instructed him not to be in between. She decided that she had to talk to her.
He sat on his steps for a bit. He tried to short things out. He was ready to talk to her at least he thought he was.
He took out his phone. He texted her. “Hey abby can you come out to the steps? ” he asked in the text.
They both had the rule that they would never be alone together until or unless they were maried. They haf never been inside the other’s apartment. They did not hang out on each other’s steps.
The door opened. Abby came out. She wore a blue shirt and jeens. She was wearing flip flops. She smiled at him.he smiled back. “You summoned me? ” she said in a playfull tone.
She sat down next to him. “I wanted to talk to you. ” he said.”whats up?”she asked. “My mom is woried i am sending you mixed singles. She says if i keep hesitating, some penticostal guy is going to scoop you up. “Andrew said.
” that is not going to happen andy. I would not let that happen. ” she assured him. “Its not fair. I dont want to hurt you. I do care about you. I dont want to see you hurt.” he told her.
“I know that. I know this is hard. “Abby said. ” in many ways liane and i dated sence we were little kids. I realy believed us getting maried was part of his plan. It made sense. Everything seemed to be building towards that . that was no reason to not head in that direction. Then in a split seccond, it all changed. She is gone. My life my ministry it was all intertwined with her. I thought that was how it should be. Now nothing makes sense. I am lost.” he said.
” i am not unsympathetic. I would feel the same way. To invest tbat much in someone else. ” she said.
“I dont know where to go now. I dont know how to think or feel. I am not angery with God. I just dont get it. When liane died i figured i would be single the rest of my life. I had no desire to be with anyone. I had no desire for romance. Over time i became content to remain that way. ” he said.
“Is that what you want ?” she asked. “I dont know. I did not think of it that way. I am not sure i have it in me to comit to someone. I am not sure i can be vanerable again. I am not sure i am ready to love again. I dont know if i ever will. It is hard for me to let my gaurd down. To embrace you. To even let you in. I find that dificult.i do care about you. I love spending time with you. I love having you in my life. I gues i am sending you mixed signals. I am truly sory for that. The last thing i want is to hurt you. Your so sweet!” he said.
She smiled. She rested her head on his shoulders. ” i know that. I know you care about me. I know this is hard for you. I can’t begin to know all the things you have felt. The internal strugles. The not wanting to let anyone get to close to you. Are you open to the posibility of an us ?” abby asked.
“I am open to that possibility. ” he said. “I understand that you want to go slow. I ubderstand this is hard. I know it will take time. I need some commitment if your part. I need you to comit to us even if it is sometime In The future. I need stability secuity. I know we are not goung to mart tomorrow although it would be nice. I will wait if i know that i am waiting for something real. If there is something to wait for. I cant wait for something that will never happen. If i know we are working towards something. Something tangible. ” she said.
“Do you see me as your potential husband? “He asked. “Yes i do. I have liked you sense that first day when i moved in. I would hornored to be your wife. “She said.
“I like you abby.i really do.i am afraid to open up again. I am afraid to let my gaurd down.” he said. ” we are not in control. Any control we believe we have is an ilisuon. We dont control anything. We dont sit in the drivers seat. We are not promised another second of breath. What is our life is it even a vapor? Our times are in his hands. I dont have a clue what the future holds. Im ok with that. I have never been on control not totaly. I chose to rely in the one who is. Whatever happens. Though he slay me yet will i trust in him. This is not you. You are not living your existing. I have seen the real you. You cant keep your gourd up foever.” she said.
“I know that. I know i am not in control. I am ok with it. It is dificult. Do you want to mary me someday?” he asked. “Yes i do. I think we will make a great couple. I want you to get back on tract. We will start a church as you wanted to. I will be a pastors wife. We will have kids. We will serve the lord together . are you open to us marrying eachorher? ” he asked. “Yes i am open to that. ” he said.
“Look im not liane. I will never be her. I cant be. I have a different personality. Different background life experience. I am a different person. I am far from a perfect person. I have a lot of love to give. I have been told i have the gift of encouragement. I would love to be able to be an encouragement to you. I think we will make a great team. ” she said.
“You do really care about me?” he asked.”i do. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I am committed to that. I want that. We can take it slow.i just want you to commit to me. Commit to mariege in the future. Even if it is much later. As i said i l would marry you tomorrow but i am willing to wait as long as i am waiting for something. I am wiling to go on your pace. ” she told him.
“I know your not liane. I dont want you to be her. I do like you. I love who you are. Your funy silly at times. I love your bubly attitude. I love the thought of spending the rest of my life with you. I like it alot.”he said.
” i appreciate your honesty. I know it was hard for you to open up like this. I want you to be honest with me. I want to get to know you. Keep opening up. You can trust me i will never judge you. “She said.
“I am sorr if i hurt you. I am Sory to send mixed meseges. ” he told her. “I was hurt i wont lie. I was discoureged. I need you to let me in. I need you to try. I need you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. I want to see you working at this. “She said.
“I hate the thought of you with someone else. ” he said. “I hate that too. I dont want to be someone else. I want to be with you. I am not going anywhere as long as you dont push me away. Lets work on this together. ” she said.
“Ok. I do want to go slow but at the same time i want to move froward. Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. “Yes i will. ” she said. He smiled. He hugged her. She held on to him. Neither one wanted to let the other go.
End of part 7.