“Panic attack ” part six 

Jack had wanted to be maried. He was not sure when he first decided that he wanted to be maried.  He had observed his parents.  They seamed to be closer today then they had ever been. 

He asked his mom about it once. She smilled. She said that it waa true. She was more in love with his farther today. She explaned to him that she knew him more now. They were more in love because they have let the other person more in there lives.  She said that love is a choice. You chose to love that person once but then you follow it up with smal chioces. 

 He asked his dad the same question. He did not even hesitate with his answer. “Yes!  I think i am more in love with your mom today then even a few days before.  Our relationship is more special today.” he said. 

 His parents had told him not to rush to find somone. Alow for God’s timing. Dont settle. Make sure that person is realy Gods will. Who you marry will impact everything else including future ministry.  He resolved not to rush ahead. 

That was not always easy. It ment waiting.  He figured he would meet someone at bible colege but that did not happen. He was tempted to rush ahead. He knew that whenever someone in scripture tried to rush ahead,it never turned out well. He waited. 

He graduated bible colege not meeting someone.he began to wounder if he would never meet someone.  Mayby he was called to be single. He really did not think that was the case. He knew he had to wait.he knew doing this Gods way was the best. His timing is always best. He was patcient even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. 

Then it all changed. The first time he saw Kristen, he got buterflies in his stomich. He did not fully understand it. He did not equate it with her being “the one”. The buterflies did not go away. 

He started to wonder if mayby she could be. When he was asked to back off he questoned it. For a while he thought that this was not the right time. Then he began to give up on her.

When her mom gave him permission to persue her, he felt free.  His sprit indicated that he was at liberty to persue her. While he never trusted his heart he did take account of everyrhing and concluded he could proceed.  The buterflies had never gone away. They were as strong as ever. 

“Hi there! ” he told her. She smiled. They went to the table. ” i am so glad you came.  ” she told him. “I am glad i came as well. ” he told her. 

“Will you give the blesing?”mrs grener asked jack. He said he would. He opened in prayer. There eyes met as he sat down. 

“Kristen cooked the ham. ” mrs grener asked. ” it is really good. ” he said. “You dont need kachup on anything ” kristin said “no i dont. ” he said. 

“So are you interested in being a pastor? ” mrs . grener asked. “I am. Right now i am really enjoying mentoring with my dad. My dad has let me done  a lot. I do want to pastor a church of my own. Right now i am realy happy hear. ” he said.

“We all enjoy your preaching and your Sunday school class. ” mrs grener said. “I learn a lot just in the preparation.  I enjoy preparing the surmons and lesson just as delivering them.”  he said 

“Have you always wanted to be a pastor? “Kristin asked. “Mostly! I went though a brief time i wanted to be a racecar driver. Even then i wanted to be a pastor at the same time. At a sumer camp right before my senior year i conmited myself to full time ministry. ” he said. 

“Was it a hard decison?” Kristin aaked. “Not when i finaly committed to it. I felt prompted for a while. When i did commit it was easy. “She said. 

After dinner. “Thank you so much for inviting me.” he said.”our pleasure.  We will have you over more i am sure. “Mrs. Grener said.”do you care to sit on the steps with me and talk?”she asked. “I would love to. “He said. They went outside and sat down. 

“I assume that my mom filled you in on everything.  ” she said.”she did. I am so sorry.  I had no idea. ” jack said. “As you can see the last few years have been very dificult. Are you alright with the rules mom satted?” Kristin asked. 

“I am . i respect you kristin. I will do whatever you need me to do. I understand that you need your space at times. I have no problem with that. ” he said.

“I had hope you would. I have some aditional stipulations . i really need you to agree to this.  ” she told him. 

” ok. What is it?” he asked her. “As my mom told you, i am prone to panic attacks and anxiety.  These attacks are many times unpredictable. They sometimes occur without warning.  When that happends, i wish to be alone. There are going to be times when i am going to rush out of the room. I would ask that you just let me go. I will catch up with you later. “She told him.

“Ok. I can do that. “He said. “I am sure as time goes on,we will develop a rhythm.  We will figure this out. For right now i would rather deal wih it alone. I know whats works.  I know what i need to do. “She told him. 

“I respect that.  I want you to be comfortible with me. I can ajust. “He said. “I am sory it has to be this way. I am high maintenance. “She said. 

“Its understandable.  You have been though things someone your age should not have to .i dont find you high maintenance.  ” he said.

“I was not always like this. I was bubbly.  I was very outgoing. I wish you could Meet that me. ” she said.”i cant believe that a bubbly outgoing person is not stil out there. Regardless it will all come together. “He said.

“What did mom tell you?” she asked. “Well she said that your dad was killed in a car acident. She said you were in a coma for a while and you had a dificult recovery time. “He said. 

“I remember getting hit. I woke up in a managed care facility. Mom and ash were at my side.  I had to relearn everything. I had to recover and mourn at the same time. “She said. 

“I cant imagine what that must have been like. “He said. “It was not easy. I had a really good suport system.  “She said. “You rose to the occasion.  “He said. “I tried. ” she said. ” so do you stil have pain?” he asked. “I do. Every day i have some level of pain. I can mostly bare it. I try to keep it quet. I try to be strong.  Ash and mom really wory about me. I dont want to further burden them. ” she said. 

He put his arm around her. She rested her head on her shoulder.  “Look i know that you have a really good suport system.  I would realy like to be a part of that suport syistom. I know you want to be brave and strong and you are brave. You dont have to be strong around me. Tell me how you are feeling. “He said.

“That is not easy for me. ” she told him. “I know. I can tell. I know i have to earn your trust. I understand your point of view. I respect it and i respect you. Please give me a chance. ” he said. “I will try. ” she said. 

“So where do you see yourself in five years?” she asked. “I would like to have started a church plant. Maybe pastoring an excisting church first. I would like to be married by then. Perhaps one child by then what about you?” he asked. 

“I would like to be married by then. A kid or two. I am open to be a pastor’s wife. I had not realy given it a lot of thought.now i am starting to. ” she told him. 

“Well i should be going. It is getting late. I had a good time today.”he told her.she smiled. “I did too. “She said.

He said good night to her mom. He thanked her again for his hospitality.  Kristin walked him to his car. “I have a good feeling about us kristin. ” he told her. “I do too. What is this kristin business? “She asked. “What do you meen?”he asked. “You usualy call me krissy. “She said.  ” i was not sure how you felt about it. “He said. “I am fine with it. ” she said. 

She hugged him. They said goodnight. He got into the car.she watched him drive off.

His family waa very curious how the night went. He hoped for time to process it. He knew that the whole family even the baby wanted to hear a full report on the dinner. He went inside. He was smiling.

 “How did things go”his mom asked.”it went very well. We are going to explore the posibility of courtship.  “He said. ” i suspected that that might be the case. “He said.he was excited. He knew that it would not be easy but he was excited to get to know her. 

End of part six. 

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