Panic attack part eight

Previously on panic attack 

Jack the son of a pastor and an unpaid assistent pastor meets a new family. One of the members is a young lady lady named kristin. He is intetested in her but recoils when he reaches out to her.

Her family tries to get him to stay away from her. He hornors there and her wishes.  She reaches out to him. Her mom let him court her with certain stipulations. 

Part eight.

 Jack got a call Wednesday morning.he answered it. He saw that it was krustin. “Krissy! Hey! ” he said. “Hey i was wondering if i could drop by the parsonage a few munutes before church and we can walk together.  No real reason.  I just wanted to catch up. ” she said. 

“Yea. Of course.  Can you hang out for a little bit after the service?” he said. ” yea. I would love to.” she said.”sounds good. This is our first service as a couple. “He said. ” it is. Can we sit together during the service. ” she asked. “Of course. ” he said. “Sounds good!  I will see you tonight.  ” she said. “Sounds good.” he said.  

After dinner, he got dressed for the mid week service.  His siblings teased him for taking longer to get ready then he usualy did. Then he heared her jeep pull up.

He went out to the porch. He went to see her. She was waring a white sweater and a pink skirt and sandles. “Hey there kris!” he said smiling. ” hi jack.” she said.

“You look nice tonight!   He told her.” thanks you look nice yourself. ” she said. “My siblings said i spent too much time in the bathrom getting ready. I dont think i did. ” he said. “My sister said the same thing about me. This is our first service as a couple. It is an historic event. ” kristin said. 

“I had the same thought.” he said. ” we wont tell our siblings that. ” she said. “No i have had my fill of sibling teasing.”he said. “I know what you meen. ” she said. 

They talked for a bit then started for the church. “So is your patents house the parsonage? ” she asked. “No . it was a house. The church was a business that we turned into a church. My parents bought the house several yeats after the church was started.  We lived in an apartment.  We were on the 45th floor. Not really but to a pre teen it felt that way. “He told her. She laughed.

“This is a beutiful property. ” she said. “Mom made sure of that.  She loves gardening.  ” she said.” my mom does too. I want to have a garden when i get maried. That was just for conversation purposes.  That was not.a hint hint” she said. He laughed. “Ok.” he said.

They heared the church. They saw two older ladies in the church. “Hello mrs. Brener mrs grener. ” jack said.  “Hi jack. Kristin!”mrs grener said. 

Jack felt a little awkward. There relationship was hardly a secret. He did not like to bring attention to himself.  They walked inside. 

They talked to verious people in the church. Thry sat down in the sanctuary. “I dont think i have seen you two sit together before?  ” mrs anesly said.

“I dont think we have.  ” jack said. “Is there significance to this?” mrs anesly asked. They looked at each other and smiled. “Thats what i thought . No presure but the church is for a wedding.  I an happy for you too.” she said. After a while she left.

They both laughed. “There was abit awkward.” jack said.”it will only get worse. “She said.”i know. Thats ok. Small church. News travel fast. ” he said. “I guess so. This church is due for a wedding. “She said.” kristin rayburn has a nice ring to it. “He said in a cacious tone. He hoped it was ok to say that this early in there relationship.  She smiled and said “yes it definently does.”she said. 

He felt a huge few. She smiled.  He loved to see smile. She tols him she was bubbly and outgoing before the car accident. That took her farther’s life. She was sad alot or was juat serious. She stil had a play full silly side. He loved to see her happy. 

He looked froward to being maried to her. He probably should think about that too much this early in the relationship.  It was hard not to. He could imagine her as a wife. 

She liked the idea of being maried to him. She tried not to blush but she did. He had an ability to disarm her. He could make her forgot about all that gone on. 

Wendsday night service in a independent fundamental Baptist church was basicaly a sunday night service plus a time of prayer.  They sung a few hyms,the pastor preached but it was more devotional. Then the men and women split up and prayed separately. 

After the prayer time,jack was reunited with kristin. Kristin smiled at him. The pastor concluded the service.  They mingled a bit. Everyone was curious about them.after a time they handed back to his house. 

They walked to the porch and sat down. “So a lot of fundamental baptist churches are a little leary about psychology, depression. Anxiety and chenical inbalience at the such. ” she said. 

“Yes they are. There is concern that psychology puts a primium on man’s wisdom as well as gues work. They dont consider sin and sin nature. Christian counselor work off seculer psychology as a starting point or they plug in a couple christian words hear and there. It is a concern. ” he said. 

“What about depression? “She asked. “The concern of dipresson is that it becomes man centered. You cant deny that dipreson exist.  Anxiety exist. ” he said. 

“Some churches we have attended in the past did not understand my situation. I see a christian counselor that has a psychology digree from a christian and secular university. We have had to leave churches over this. Some have seen us as worldly compromising, you name it. I have talked to pastors and they have helped. This is big.  Pastors although well meaning tend to give trite cliques. ” she said. 

“Your situation is unique.  You were though a major trauma.  You lost your dad. You suffered bumps and bruses. You were in a coma and had brain loss and had to relearn alot. You had thr triple whammy and then some. This is big. There is no denying that. ” he said. 

“I understand the concerns about psychology and wordly wisdom. My counselor helps. ” she said. “I believe the bible has the answer to all of lifes problem. The bible is the word of God. It is the final authority.  I dont know your counselor.  I dont want to speak to something i dont know.  I dont like acepting wordly premises. ” he told her. 

“Would your farther make me chose between my counselor and the church? Its happened before in other churches. ” she said. “Not unless there was a reason to. My faether practices church disipline but only if nesisary. If your counselor recomended something that is clearly contary to the word of God then there would be an issue.  Baring that there would probably not be an issue.  ” he said. 

“If we got maried would it be ok for me to continuing seing a counselor?”she asked. “I think so. We would have to discuss it. I do thibk so. I would have concerns i dont want to say no. “He said. 

“It troubles you?” she asked. “It does. The reason is because as Christians we are strangers and aliens. We are not of this world.we are citizens of heaven. We are ambassadors.  We are like diplomatic staf in another country.  American diplomats in lets say Britain are amerucans but they are not living in the us. They represent the American government.  We represent christ hear on earth. God works though the church.  God ordanes leaders in the church. Under shepherds.  Pastors have the responsibility of waching over the souls of those in there floak. They have to give acount to God for the conduct of those in there care. This is from Hebrew’s 13. Christians need to be under God given authority whitch is the local church.a counselor even a christian one is not under the authority of the local church. That is concerning. ” he said. 

He was realy concerned that he just blew it. He had no chance of a longer term relationship with her.he realy liked her. His love for her was growing. 

“You might not be ok with me seing a Christian counselor after we are maried? “She asked. “I dont know. I dont want to say a difinitive yes or no. I have concerns. We would have to see. ” he said.

Jack believed in honesty.  It was hard. He did not want to offend her.he did not want to torpedo the relationship before it ever really began. 

“Ok. I am glad that i know your view on this. “She said. “What are your thoughts on what i said?” he asked.”well i have found the counselor to be extremely helpful.  I would hate to discontinue it. I would be wiling to sit down with you and figure this out. “She answered. 

“Its not a deal breaker then?” he asked.she smiled.  “No its not a deal breaker!  “She said. “Good. I was woried.i dont want to deceve you. I fear that you might not be keen on some of my views. ” he said. “I do appreciate your honesty.  We can work though this “she said . “yes we definently can. ” he said. 

“knowing what i told you,you still want to court me?”she asked.he smiled. “Yes i do. ” he said. “Good! I am glad to hear that. ” he said. 

“Look i am on meducation for anxiety and dipresson.  “She told him. “Oh i see. I did not realize that. “He said. “I imagine that is troubling.” she said.  “A bit but not that troubling. “He said. “That is another sticking point with the churches we have attend. “She said. 

“I imagine that you cant just go off them at the drop of a hat?” he said. “No i cant. “She said. ” i had no idea. “He said. “Many in the churches object to anti dipresents and anti anxiety meds in general but also specifically.  They say i need time,hugs ,enotion suport. My medical advisors do not agree. They feel i do. Your right i can just go off them cold  turkey.  Does this change things for us?  Is this a deal breaker? “She asked. 

He took her hand and loomed her in the eye. “No its not a deal breaker. It is an issue. Its a chalenge but not a deal breaker.  ” he said. She rested her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her.

“I am glad to hear that. ” she said.”i am glad you told me this. I appreciate you trusting me with this.  You can trust me. I know i have to eaen your trust.  I gues i am strict and perhaps rigid but i am not judgemental or harsh. I dont want to be.i am very easy going. ” he said.

“I can see that. I know that to be true. ” she said. They talked for a while.  Then she decided to head home. He walked her to her vehicle. ” have a really good night!”he told her. “You too. ” she said. 

She hugged him.he held on to her.neither one wanted to let go.both had a few tears on there face. They dispersed. As she pulled out,she waved. He smiledand waved back. He then went back inside.  

She expected him to blab about her medication to everyone in the church.he did not. He did not even tell his dad. He kept it to himself.  She was surprised. She asked him.

“Why haven’t you told anyone about my medication? ” she asked. “Its not there bussiness. ” he answered. “You did not even tell your dad?” she asked. “We need to figure this out together. I hope you and i are forning a new family. I figure you and i can work this out together.  Perhaps i will tell him later. Not without your conscent. I promise you that. “He said. “Ok thank you. “She said. 

End of part 8.

Next up

Kristin is invited to dinner at jack’s family’s house. 

End of sorrow part six

Andrew lost his fiancé two years ago. He was still not over her. Then he got a new neighbor.  A bubbly outgoing penticoastal girl named abby. Abby is determined to bringing andrew out if his doldrums.  It was proving harder then she anticipated. 

For a time she decided to back off. She gave him some space.  She invited herself to a picnic at his church. Now they were headed to her church for the saterday evening church. 

“I am not going to melt or spontaneously combust am i?” andrew asked. “You never know. There is this weird stain in the lobby.  No on wants to talk about it!” she said. “Funny! ” he said. “You will be fine. ” she assured him. 

He parked the car. They excited the car. At some point in the walk up they started to hold hands. It was unclear who inciated it. Abby realized they were holding hands again. She decided to conduct an experiment.  She took her hand out of his. He took her hand back.her heart started to pound. He smiled at her in a way she had never seen him smile before. 

He held the door for her. A couple friends came up to them. ” so you really excist!” her friend james remarked. “Was my existence in question? ” he asked. They laughed.”a little. ” april said.   He laughed.  “I do exist! ” he said. They laughed.

They walked in. They sat down. Abby was getting woried. Everytime they had a breakthough he withdrew. She was not sure he was really ready to fully embrace her. He had gotten swept up into the moment. She feared he would panic and withdraw again. She was nervous.

Mayby this was a bad idea.mayby she had gotten swept up in the moment. She had to stop herself from panicking.  

“You got qiet all of a sudden. You ok?” he asked.  “Yea im fine. ” she said. “Just making sure.  ” he said. 

During the worship time abby sang and danced and raised her hands. Every once in a while she whispered to him asking him how he was doing. He said he was fine. He laughed. 

After the service they mingled quite a bit. Eventually they made it to the parking lot. They went to the car.”what did you think?” she asked. “The preaching was good. Not quite as good as my pastor but it was  good. ” he said.

They went to the car. They got into the vehicle.  “I am really glad you came! ” she said smiling. “I am glad i did too. ” he told her. The car headed to there street. 

They talked for a bit on the steps.”i had a good day with you!” he told her. “I had a good day with you. ” she said.  They said there goodbyes. She went inside. 

She felt anxious.  She did have a good day. It was amazing.  She feared that he really was not ready.the shadow of liane lingered. Mayby she should just walk away. She did not want to. 

 She was falling in love with him. He was who she wanted to be with for the rest of her life.  He might never be there.  Liane had become larger then life. She started to take on Mythological proportion.  Abby could not hope to compete with a legend. 

She started to cry. She had no idea what to do. She believed that the lord was bringing them together. It made sense. She hoped That he could move on. This was harder then she ever could have imagined. 

Later that week, andrew got a phone call. “Hi mom!” he said. “Andrew i wanted to talk to you about something! ” she said. “Oh?” he said.

“Abbygail really likes you. ” his mom said.”i know she does. I think the world of her. She is a spitfire but she is a sweetheart.  ” he said. “Andrew. I dont think you understand. ” she said. “What do you meen?” he said.

“She really likes you. I think she thinks that you and her might have a future togerher. A lasting one. “She said. “I see. Are you sure?” he asked. “Yes i am.” she said.

“Did she tell you that?” he asked. “No. She did not have to. Look i know liane’s death was hard on you. It breaks my heart that you have to go though this. You have had to deal with things no one should have to at your age. Abby has feelings too. Do not hurt that girl andrew! If you cant give her your heart or you dont want her, tell her.  Saver all ties now. She wont like it but she will get over it. Do not string her along. Dont make her wait foever for you if you cant commit. Do not do it! ” she admonished him. 

“You think im stringing her along?” andy asked. “Not intentionally  but that is the result never the less. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. “She told him. ” i know that.  ” he said. “Do not hurt her.either be in it or be out. Do not try to ride the fence. ” she said.

“You think that is what i am doing?” he asked.  “I do. I know why but its not fair to her. “She said “i had not thought of it in these terms.” he said.

“Your under the impreson that she will wait for you forever but she may not. Some penticostal may scoop her up. She wont wait foever. She may want to and plan to. If you keep rebuffing her and someone else comes in. She still go with him. She just will.if you keep on this road you will lose her. You will. I gurente it. I would really think about this. I would decide now. She wont wait not foever. ” she said. 

He knew she was right . he had not condidered any of it. He did not consider her leaving him and moving on to be a real posibility. His moms words were like a splash of cold watter on his face while sleeping. He did not know what to do. Could he say goodbye to her foever? Could he fully embrace her.he just did not know. 

End of part six. 

Next up 

Andy sits down with abby for a heart to heart.  

Wedding party part three

He parked the car in the driveway. In a way amber had become part of the family,his family. It was hard for him to admit that outside his thoughts. He knew it was true.  He was glad that she was back. He knew it would only be for a a short time. He had to enjoy her presence while she was hear.

 They walked inside. Mat’s mom came over to her. Amber huged her.”it is so good to see you amber. “Mat’s mom told her. “Thank you. It is good to be back. ” she told her.”you have definently have been missed. ” mat’s mom told her.

 Amber had come to respect and admire the whole family. She had come to think of mrs davis and the late pastor davis as a seccond family.  Amber thought about mrs.davis often. 

Mrs. Davis was stil relitivly young.she had young children at home. She had a lotbon her shoulders. Yet she handled it well.she was always calm and resolute. It was evident that she had the joy of the lord.  

Amber took her stuff up to the room that she would be staying in. She then spent time catching up with mrs. Davis. Then after a time, tracy and steve came back. Amber hugged tracy. “I missed you amber.”tracy said. “I missed you trace. “Amber said. She and steve exchanged greatings. 

When amber first met tracy,she was a bit shy and awkward.  When tracy went to bible college ,amber figured that tracy would grow and change. Of course she did. She met steve at college.

Tracy and steve had been part of the same group of friends. Steve was a missionary kid. His parents were missionaries to Brazil.  She and steve were acquaintances at first. They hung out more and more. They grew closer and closer. After a time steve got her farthers permission to formerly court her. When he asked her to marry him,she said yes. 

Amber remembered the first time she mentioned steve. As time went on she realized that it was serious.amber knew that one day they would get maried. Amber hoped one day she would meat someone. So far she had not. She tried not to force the issue. Every time she tried to force the issue,she was miserable. She gave up and told the lord that she would wait for his timing. She had a peace that he would be revealed in the right time.

Matt regreted dispariging amber and Tracy’s friendship. He could not beleve just how wrong he had been.had he gotten his way,Tracy would have missed a loyal friend. The family would have been deprived of an honorary family member. He was glad that he had not got his way on that occasion. He was judgemental and conceited back then. Bible college, ministry and time in the word had tampered him.  

Tracy and amber had a lot of catching up to do. They were happy to see eachother. “It is good to see you.  “Tracy said. “”Like wuse trace. I missed you. I am so happy to see you. ” amber said. 

“Thanks. Your not!” tracy said. “I hope so. I cant seem to meet anyone. I am not worried about it. I feel like i see be. I feel like the lord is telling to wait patciently for it.”amber said.  

“Keep serving the lord. Pray for him. I know he will turn up. I fully expect to be your maid of hornor soon. “Tracy said. “Its not easy living by faith. I think your right.” amber said. 

“How was your time with mat?”tracy asked. “I pushed every button he has. I hope he stil wants to speak to me at the end of the week. I hope he wont get sick of me.”amber said. 

“I am sure he is fine. I doubt he will get sick of it. ” amber said.”i dont meen to drive him crazy.  Well at least to the extent i do. I do kinda enjoy getting on his nurves. I dont know why. He is so uptight!” amber said. 

“I dont think you anoy him as much as you think you do.” tracy remarked.”thats disipointing. I will have to work harder. “Amber said.”i think your growing on him.”tracy said. 

“Despite his rigid thinking,he is a good man. He is a good friend. I do like him. Dont tell him i said that. “She said.  

“I am not suprised.i know he feels the same way. He would never admit it. “Tracy told him. “I realy enjoyed the drive hear. I am not sure he did. “Amber said. “He will get over it. “Tracy said. They both chuckled. 

 They had dinner . they hung out  in the living room after ward. It was like the old days except that pastor davis was not there and steve was there. It was how it was before the kids started to go off to college and going on there own. Things were changing rapidly. It was not the same as it was but this was close. 

Even mrs.davis was lauthing.mat and ambet set next to eachother.they were very playfull.they teased eachother. They were very comfortable around eachother. That was evident. 

After a while,matt decided that he should probably go back to his place.”it is getting late . i should be heading back. “He said. He said his good night to everyone. Amber voluntered to walk him to his car. 

“It is good to see you. “Amber told him. “Its so good to see you. I am so glad im hear too. “She said. He huged her. “Well have a good night.i will see you tomorrow.  “He told her. “You bett.” she said. He got into the car. 

He started the car. The car drove off.amber watched him leave. She stayed outside until he was out of site. Then she went inside. The door was shut. 

End of part three. 

The wedding party part two 

Mat and amber always had a complex relationship.  Tracy had been sheltered.  When she started her first job,she was a fish out of water.  She felt out of place. Amber had been a breath of fresh air. Amber was not quite as sheltered but still tried to not be off the world. 

Amber tried to befriend tracy right away. She started to talk to her right away. Tracy was shy. Amber brought her out if her shell. 

At first,Tracy’s family was concerned about her being friends with a penticoastal. Tracy was not quite as separated as they were. They were concerned about what kind if influence she would have on there little girl. They invited her to supper. It was kind of a fact finding misson. 

Matt was opposed to even giving amber a chance.he dreaded the whole thing.  He had done extensive reserch on the charusnaric movement.  He was very opposed to anything to do with. He wanted his parents to just forbid tracy from associating with amber and be done with it. He trusted his  parent’s and decided to give her a chance  as they requested.  

Amber hit it off with there parents. Thet found her to be very polite. She showed evidence of speituel gowth. She was mature and responsible. 

Matt did not approve of her. He disliked the influence of penticostalism in the church. The charismatic movement waa beginning to creep into the i.v.b. he did not want to like amber. 

He tended to be standoifish to her.he usually greated her but that was about it. She became a frequent guest. After a while she became almost a member of the family. 

He tried to get his parent’s to have an amber free night once a week. They would not go for that. They really liked her. They liked the influence she had on tracy.

Mat and amber bately talked.even small talk was rare.  She had connected with everyone in the family except for Matt.  

“Matthew, you are traning to be a pastor. You appear to have that caling in your life. As a pastor you must have the heart of compassion. A pastor cannot show partially or play favorites. Amber is a sweet young lady. She has earned our trust. She has been a good friend to trace. I think that you should be nicer to her. ” his dad told her. 

Mat decided to put his objections aside. He wanted to honor his parents and there wishes. “You dont like me do you? “Amber once asked him. 

“You seam like a nice person.  I am certain you are a blood brought believer.  I am concerned about you hanging around tracy. I am woried that you could lead her away from the i.f.b.” he told her. 

“Your woried that i will try to turn her into a penticoastal?  “Amber asked. “I think you might influence her perhaps inadvertently.  “He answered.

“I respect your sister. I have no intention of trying to change your views. I reached out to a fellow belever. I realy like your family. I do not understand your antagonism.  “She said.

“I am alarmed by the spreading influence of penticostalism.  I believe we have to seperate from error. I believe penticoastalsm promotes error. “He said.

“You dont sugar coat things do you? “She asked. “With something like this never. ” he answered.”i dont want to turn teacy into a penticoastal.  She was lonely and isolated. I reached out. It is nice to talk to someone who does not sware every twenty seconds. I never thought your perents would adopt me.. I am glad they have.  ” she said. 

“My parents like you. I gues if they are ok with your friendship with trace i should be too. ” he said. 

“Can we agree to a cease fire? ” she asked. ” ok!” he answered. ” peace! ” she asked. She extended her hand and he shock it. 

They tried to be cordial.  He tried to at least be at peace with her. He slowly softened his stance towards her. Over time they went from barely speaking to eachother to becoming friends. She even made birthday cake for him. 

Tracy went off to a independent fundamental Baptist college. Anber went to a penticoastal colege. When amber came home there parents incisted she visited.  They kept in touch. Though she was disdent in geography she had a place in there heart.  Though he was reluctant to admit it she had a place in his heart.  He had a place in hers. 

She came though for the family when they needed her the most.  When there father died she stoped everything and flew to be with them.she did everything from make meals to just siting with them. They never forgot all she did.  

Matt was not someone who wore his heart on his sleeve.  He could be stoic. When she aeived back in town after his farther died,she hugged hin. He fully embraced her. After that,he no longer considered amber Tracy’s friend but his friend. They kept in touch after that.  He talked to her more then tracy had. 

“You have been missed!” he told her at dinner. He ment to conveigh the idea that she was missed by the family. She saw in his eyes that he missed her. 

She told him that she missed all of them. She knew that he understood that she missed him the most.  “Things have not been the same without yoy. Quiter but not the same!” he said.  “I will try not to be too loud. I dont want you to get sick of me. ” she told him. “I never get sick of you “he said. 

He did not realize right away that he had said it out load. He had not planned to say it audibly or had he.”i can get prety loud. Do you mean that?” she asked. 

“No anount of loudness will change how i feel about it. Dont push it though?” he said.she chuckled. “I wont. “She answered. 

“So how are you doing with all this?”she asked. “I am ok!”he answered. “How are you really?” she asked. “Slightly less then ok. There are constent reminders that dad is not with us.  He would be so excited. He would make so Manny jokes. He would probably tell steve he should have eloped.  He would forbid elsa and gracie from ever getting maried. Not a minute goes by that i dont think about him. Its hard to see tracy growing up. I am suposed to keep eveeything together. It weighs on me. ” he said. 

“Hey! You dont have to have it together with me. Condider me your emotional suport system.  I meen that. ” she said. “Thank you. I realy appreciate that. ” he said. “Please utilize me. “She pleaded with him. “I will!” he said. “Good!” she said.

After a while,they decided that it was time to head on. She was about to pay her part of the bill when he stoped her. “I got this!”he said.”are you sure?i should be paying for your meal. Your the one that has to put up with me for two houers. “She said.

“I had not considered that. ” he said.”your not going to sing are you?” he asked. “You dont like my singing? “She asked. “Your a fine singer. ” he said. “I might posibly sing and i might raise my hand.  “She said. “Woa! Wait a minute i draw the line at hand rasing. “He said. “Good luck with that. ” she said. 

He paid the bill. “Thank you. “She said. “No problem.  I am happy to do it. ” he told her. “You do know that this is going to be the longest two houers of your life. “She said.”i had a feeling that that was the case.” he said. 

He got the recept. They got up to leave. They went to the door and excited the restaurant.  He held the door for her. She thanked him. They walked to the car.

On the way home, she did sing along to the radio. He tried to not let it brother him. “How are you doing? “She asked. “Im ok. ” he said. “Just making sure. “She said in response. 

“Its good to see you. You drive me crazzy but i am glad to see you. I missed you. ” he told her. “I missed you. I am glad to see you. I enjoy driving you crazy. I dont intend to stop any time soon. ” she said.

“At least i know where you stand. “He said.”someone has to keep you on your toes. “She said. ” is that so?” he asked.  “It is” she said.”your very qalified for tour task. “He told her. He poked him lightly. They laughed. 

As the car drove back to the hometown,matt looked over at her.he smiled at her and she smiled back at him. She loved the way he looked at her. 

Despite her musical taste he realy enjoyed being with her. She loved talking to him. She wondered if he felt the same way she did about being with him.she was curious but not enough to ask. She was not sure he wanted to know. 

The car arived at the town. He drove to his mom’s house.  This was his childhood home.  “Thank you for picking me up. ” she told him. “I really was happy to do it.” he reaplied. “Its so good to see you. ” she said. “It is also good to see you.” he said. 

He parked the car in the driveway. In a way amber was a part of the family,his family. It was hard for him to admit it acept in his thoughts.  He knew how he felt.he was so glad that he was back. He knew that it would only be for a short time. He would enjoy her presence as long as she was hear. 

She was hear. He would savor the time she was hear. He would enjoy her time hear. He would not think about her leaving again.  

To be continued.  

The wedding party

Mat’s sister tracy was getting married.  There dad died a few years earlier. The job of giving away the bride fell to matt. It was hard for everyone in the family. There dad had been larger then life. His absence was felt. They were independent fundamental Baptist and they were confident that he was in the presence of the lord. The upcoming wedding made his absence felt even more. 

Everyone was excited for tracy. Mat felt that it was his responsibility to make sure that the wedding was everything she dreamed it to be. He felt that he was his dad’s stand in. He took that duty very seriously. He wanted tracy to have a wedding she would never forget.  

Matt had attended an independent baptist church. When his farther died unexpectedly, he took over the pastoral duties of the church. The church eventually voted him in as pastor. This kept him buisy. 

This week he took week off to get ready for the wedding.  An old pastor would aficiate. 


Seven days before the wedding.  

“Hey! Steve wants me to come with her when he takes his parrents and grand parents out for dinner tomorrow.  Can you pick up amber at the airport? “Tracy asked. “Yea sure.  Is she going to be slain in the sprit on the ride back?” he asked. 

“I have no idea. With her you never can tell. ” tracy said. “That i know.  “He answered.  

Amber was tracy’s best friend .they met while they worked at a restaurant one summer. They had it off despite differences.  Tracy was an independent fundamental Baptist and amber was penticostal. She was the only other christian there. They had become close friends. 

Amber had been thriled when tracy asked her to be her maid of honor.  She moved to the west coast for colege. She went to work for the college after she graduated. 

Matt knew amber quite well. She had come over to there house quite frequently.  They had a cordial relationship. He did gril her on doctrinal isues from time to time. When there farther died,she fkew out for the funeral. She cooked meels and took care of the minute stuff. No one in the family would forget her kindness and attention.they made sure she knew how appreciative they were of her. 

“Thank you i really appreciate this.i am trying not to double book has not always worked out that way. Your a life savior. I will tell amber to be on her best behavior.  No prothetic uterence at least not in an unknown tounge. ” tracy said.”i guess that will have to suffice! ” he said. 


6 days before the wedding. 

He drove to the airport.  He had a collection of hyms playing on the radio. He got a little nervous. He felt a little apprehensive.  

He parked and went inside. He saw the passengers arived. He saw her.she wore a pink t shirt with a gray skirt and flip flops. She had his luggage with her. She knew that matt was going to pick her up. 

There eyes met. She smilled at her and he smiled back. “Hi amber its good to see you!” he told her.she gave her a hug. She had no idea why she did that. That was not like her. She stoped and moved away. “Im sorry! “She said. He chuckled.  “Its fine!” he said. 

“So are you in a hury to get back or do you want to stop for lunch?” he asked. “Can we,i am starving. I gotthe cheapest airfare there is. I did not even get a package of penuts. “She said. 

“Yea of course. It will give us time to catch up. “He remarked. “I would like that.  “She answered. “Great!” he said. 

They went to the car. They got into the car. He started the car. “I have a cd in but you can turn on the radio if you want. “He said. “Thank you” she said. She put on the radio. She put on k love. 

“Ccm! I should have known. ” he said. “Yes. You should have. I know your not suportive of k love . you believe the old hymms are the only viable kind of music for the church.  I disagree with you on that.  “She told him. 

“This is a topic we dont agree on. I will let you play iy never the less. “He told her. She laughed. “Ok. I appreciate that. ” she said. 

They went to the restaurant.  “So how do you feel about our miss tracy being all grown up?” she asked. “Weird. Seams like yesterday she was a baby. I am happy for her. Steve is a good guy. He loves the lord and loves her. I have seen the lord working in both there lives. It is a little bitersweet. ” she said. “I figured.”she said.

“I guess it was only a matter of time before she got married and moved out of her own. It is stil hard. I am her big brother. It is my job to worry about her. ” he said. 

“It is a lot of responsibility.  “She said. “I appreciate you recognizing that. I dont mind doing it but it is a lot. I dont take it lightly.  I want to do right by my dad,my mom tracy and the whole family. ” he said.

“Your doing fine. It is all going to come together. It is not going to be a success.  ” she remarked. 

“I hope so. ” he said ” i know it cant be easy with your dad gone!” she remarked. “I miss him.i feel his absence the closer we get to the weading day. ” he answered.  “How is your mom doing with all this? ” she asked. “She has not said anything. I know that it is hard for her. She has the same mixed feelings we all do. ” he said. “Understandable.  “She said.

“I gues dad not being hear is the elephant in the room.  Weare trying to make it special for Tracy.  This is the first lathen wedding.  ” he said.

“Well put me to work. Whatever you need, ask! I am totally at your disposal. ” she said. “You should not tell me that.i might overload you with all the stuff i dont want to do. ” he told her. “You can overload me. I dont mind. I am hear for you. ” she said. She ment to say im hear for your family. Could that have been what she ment to say?

“Thank you.  I really appreciate that.” he told her. “No problem. “She said. “The truth is that i could use a helper. I dont mind being overloaded but i would like to have someone to share the load with. ” he said. She knew that he was not only talking about the work load.she wanted to make sure he knew that she was wiling to share the emotional load as well.  

“I am so glad your hear. ” he said. “Thanks. So how have you been?” she asked. “Extremely buisy but good. The church keeps me buisy. The church is really growing. I am excited by all that is happening. How are you?” he asked. 

“Good. Between the flower shop and and working at the college.  I like the area but i miss my home town and area.  ” she said. “Have you considered moving back? ” he asked. “I love working at the college but yes i could see myself moving back. “She answered.  That answer made him smile. She took notice of that.

To be continued.

End of sorrow part five 

Andrew and leane had been childhood sweethearts.he was a year older then her. Her family attended his church when they were both in jr high. They moved due to her farther’s work. The two hit it off almost immediately.  They were both the smartest people in the church. Everyone suspected that they would be a couple. 

They eventually became a couple.they did ministry together. They seemed to be the perfect couple. Everyone predicated that they would do great things for the lord.  Manny were already writing there story before it happened. 

They went to the same Baptist bible college. They were kind of a pakege deal. They did sumer ministry together as well. Everyone in there home church expected them to get maried. There was no suprise when there engagement was announced.  

Then everyone was shocked when leane was killed in a car crash. It made no sense. Andrew had to put a brave front.  His dream were dashed.the unwritten story would never be written. 

It had all been so clear.he and leane would be maried. They would start churches and serve the lord together. He had stoped. He had put everything on hold. Those in the church let him.they felt it nedded time.  He was still active in the church. He was doing ministry. He felt he was good enough. His heart was not in it like it had been. It was different. He was in a holding paturn now. 

If things continue the way it was,he would continue to do what he had for these two years. He would stil be in the funk. He would be one might not notice. he looked fine. He seemed normal.  It was a new normal. It was realy not where he should be. He was not where he could be. 

Then abby showed up. The spitfire. She was not one to stand on ceremony.  She said how she felt. She called it like she saw it. She did not mence words. 

She was the daughter of a penticostal minister.  Her family went from a series of churches within the assambly of God. His farther started out as an assistant pastor and moved on to pastoring churches. 

She saw something in andrew almost right away.she came to like him. She wanted to start a romantic relationship but he resisted those overtures. She started to back off.she realized that if he was not in it,there was little point to it.

She was miserable. She saw this image of them together. That concert seemed to be coming together. Then it all came apart. It was a hard few days after that. 

She tried to avoid him. She did mostly. They said hi a couple of times. That was about it. 

On a saterday she saw him getting ready to leave. She changed out of her jeens and put on a skirt. She went over to him. 

“Going somewhere?” abby asked. “Oh yea. Church picnic day. I was hoping to avoid it but it sounds like everyone is going to be there. I gues i am going to go. I used to love to go when leane was around.  It was more her thing but i liked it. Now not so much. “He said.

Abby did not like it when he mentioned her. She understood why he did. She was a big part of his life. That was over. Abby wanted to play that role. She wanted to be mrs.dade. it seemed leane stil ocupied that role in absentia.

“Well have fun!”she said. “I will try.i hope it will go fast.  ” he said.”i am sure that you will have fun. “She said. “We will see. “He said. She left him. She headed inside. She started to open the door to her apartment.  She stoped.

She ran to him. “Wait. Andy!”she said. He put some stuf in the trunk. He closed the trunk.  She went over to him. He stoped what he had been doing.  

“Im going with you. I wish i had planed better. I would have made my chicken salid sandwitch. It is to die for. Mayby some orther time. ” she said. 

“Wait? Your comming?” he asked. “Yes i am. ” she said. He chuckled.”ok!” he said. They got in to the car. 

“Nervous?” abby asked. “A little. I did not know i was bringing a guest.the pictures you posted got quite a reaction. I was pummeled with questions for days. I am not sure what you will do. You are a bit unpredictable! “He said.

“You woried i will spontaneously become slain in the sprit? I will just start speaking in tounges or something? ” she asked. 

“I wasn’t.  Now i am. ” he admitted. She laughed. “I will try to be on my best behavior.  ” she said. “Try?” he asked. ” you know me. I promise i will not to embarrass you too bad. “She said. ” oh my! Ok!”he said. 

He nervously parked the car in the parking area.they got out. Everyone seemed suorised that he brought a friend. ” hi andy. Who is this? “Pastor Jason web asked.

“Pastor web this is abby. Abby this is pastor web. “He said. ” hi welcome . it is good to meet you.”the pastor said. “Thank you. It is good to meet you.” she said.

She helped him unload the truck. The pastors wife came over and introduced herself. “Hi im carla webb. Pastor web’s wife. “She said.”it is good to meet you. ” abby said. 

” we are glad that your hear.”carla said.  “It is good to be hear.”abby said. Everyone was really friendly. Then he saw his parrents and his siblings. It was time to introduce her to his family. He was not sure he was ready for that.

“Is this abby?” his mom asked. “This is! ” abby said. “It is good to finaly meet you. ” his farther said.”i am been looking forward to meeting you as well. ” she told them. 

Then another car pulled up. It was leane’s parrents.he had not considered that they would see him with someone else other then leane . everything happened so fast. One minute he got ready to leave. All of a sudden abby was riding shotgun on his way to church.

He got realy nervous. He got tense. He tried not to look uncomfortable. It was not easy. He tried to act normal. He moved away from there line of sight. 

Abby was enjoying herself. She liked interacting with people from his church. Perhaps one day her church. Usualy she planed everything out. She had a strategy. She had a move and counter moves.not this time. This time she was flying at the seat of her pants.she had acted totally on impulse.  She had no plan.

It happened so fast. All of a sudden she realized that she was in his car on the way to his church. There was no turning back. She was glad to be there. She was glad that she did not have the time to rethink it. 

The dinner was really good. After the men were playing horse shoes.Andrew’s mom went over to her. ” it is good to finaly meet you.i wondered when i would meet you.”mrs. Dade remarked. 

“I wondered the same thing. “Abby said.  “His dad and i really enjoyed looking over the pictures you was good to see him smile has been a while.” she said. 

“I like his smile. He has a good one. ” she told him. “He does. So are you two an item?” his mom asked.  “Not yet. I would love to be. He is not ready. Well at least he does not think he is ready.  ” she said.

“I am glad you are in his life. He had totaly shut down. We were woried about him.we stil are. We want see him resume life again. “His mom told her. “I am realy glad to be in his life. “Abby said. 

After a while she saw a husband and wife she had not talk to yet. “Hi im abby. ” she said “hi im Clark.  This is my wife jacky. ” he said. “It is good to meet you. ” she said.

“So what bring you hear today? “Jacky asked. “I am a friend of Andrew’s.  I am his neighbor. “She said. ” oh.  What kind of friend?” Clark asked. “Just friends.  ” she said.

Andrew saw them talking to abby. Oh no he thought. He was not sure what to do. He went over to her. ” hi. ” Andrew said.  “We have had a pleasent conversation With this young lady. ” jacky said. 

“She is a nice lady.”andrew said. Abby noticed that andrw was realy tense. She did not know why. After a while they dispersed. 

Later abby asked one of mats sister who clark and jacky were. “Oh! You dont know ” anna said. “Know what?” abby asked. “They are leane’s parrents.” she said.

Abby had no did not occur to her that she would run into them.she hoped that she did not cause him trouble.her impulsiveness sonetimes got her into trouble. Perhaps she should have thought thus though. 

Later they said goodbye to everyone. They went to the car. ” look i am sorry.  I really did not plan today.   I never ment to cause friction for you. I dont akways think before i act. I enjoy being with you. After the newsboys concert i decided to give you some space. I went on a self imposed exile with you. I hated it. I just acted today.” she told him. 

“Its ok. I am glad you came. They were bound to meat you eventually. I suspected you were on A self imposed exile.  I was not sure what to do. ” he said. 

“Are you really glad i am hear? I was not a nuisance? ” she asked. “No not at all.  Am glad you came!  He said. “So are you sick of me ? Want to come to my church tonight?” she asked. He said ok. 

End of part five. 

Panic attack part 7

Jack was a bible college graduate. He was the son of a pastor. He was working as an unoficial assistant pastor. He was being mentored by his dad. He met a young lady whose family started attending the church.

At first she did not seam to be open to it. Now that all changed. She opened the door.she had some stipulations.  She was prone to anxiety due to a family tragedy that led to her farther’s death and her own recovery. She wanted to deal with her panic attack on her own.he found it to a dificult task but agreed to go with it.

“How did things go?”his mom asked him when he got home that night. “It went well. We are going to explore the possibility of a courtship.  ” he told his parents. 

“I suspected that might be the case. “His farther said. “I was interested in her when she and her family started attending.  Her mom and sister appeared to be aganst such a thing happening. Her mom has given me permission to persue her. Kristin wants to persue a relationship.  I gues she has for a while. ” he said. 

“I see. It seemed like she did. I think she hoped you had come to the open house. I am not suprised.” his farther said. 

” i found why she was so skidish.her farther was killed in a car accident .she was wounded herself. She was in a coma then spent quite some time in recovery. She is prone to anxiety and panic attack. She asked that if i call and she does not answer ,wait for her to call back. There are times when she will just up and leave.  She wants me to just let her go. ” he told them.

“I did not realize that.  I did not want to pry. That is too bad. “His mom said.”this wont be easy . You will have to earn her trust. It will take some time and efort.are you in this totally? “His dad asked.

He thought it over. “I am fully commited to. I realize it wont be easy.i realy like her. I want to persue this.”jack told his parents.

“She seams like a very godly young lady. The whole family seam like a godly family. I would advise you to be caucious. Proceed carefully.  Yes i am in suport of you pursuing this. ” his farther said. 

“Thank you dad. I will be careful. “He assured them. “I suport it too. She does seam really sweet. “His mom told him. “She seams it. “He said 

“Despite my caution,i too am excited for you. I am happy for you son!”his dad said. “Thanks dad.i too am a little nervous. I am excited too.”jack said. “I can see that. “His dad said. 

When Kristin went inside,her mom and sister were waiting for a full report. “How did it go?” her mom asked.she smiled. “It went really well. I really like him. He has a way of disarming me. He realy put ne at ease. “Kristin said.

“When i talked to him, i was quite encoureged. He seams like a caring person. I think he could be really good for you. ” her mom said. “I think so too. ” kristin said. 

“I am sceptical but only because your my little sister.  I am always going to wory about you. I think this could be really be a good thing. “Ashley said. “Thanks ash!” Kristin said. 

Kristin found him on facebook. She sent him a friend request. He quuckly acepted it. He looked over his profile. She started to draw his face. She was excited to draw his face. She found his eyes very intense. She stared at them for a bit. Then she started to draw him.

While he was starting to try to fall asleep.  He thought about her. He really wanted to help her though the healing process. He hoped they could cry together,mourn together and heal together.  He realy cared about her. He felt like he was concerned about her in a way that was different from how he cared about others. He was starting to seriously think that she might be his future wife. He hoped that that was the case.  

He knew that this relationship was early. He realy liked het.he knew he had to be carefull. He knew he had to go slow. He had to tread lightly. It was hard not to be excited. She was a warm sweet person. It was hard to avoid that.

The next day he showered. He had breakfast. He drank some cofee. His phone went off. He answered it. “Hello  krissy! ” he said smiling. “Hi hunnie.  How are you?  ” she asked. “I am doing good. How are you?” he asked. “Doing good. I just wanted to say good morning. ” she said. “Im glad you did.  It is good to hear from you.  I realy had a good time last night.” he told her. ”

“I am glad to hear that.  I did too. ” she told that.  ” i am glad. I am afraid you would find me boring. “He said. “There is little chance of that !” she said. “That’s good. ” he said.  

“Well i dont want to keep you on the phone.  I just wanted to hear your voice.  ” she said.  “I am glad you called. I will talk to you later. “He said. “You got it. ” she said. 

He did some bible reading.  He worked on his sunday school lesson after that. He kept buisy.  

Kristin kept busy as well. She had several students who came for piano lessons. She did some gardening.  

Later that day he called her. He hoped that she would answer. He knew that she might need her space.he missed her. He waited. There was no answer. There was a voice mail.

“Hello krisy its jackm call me when you can.” he said. He hung up. He understood. It was still hard.

It was a few houers later.  His phone went off. It was her. “Hi krissy!” he said. ” hi jack.  I am realy sory. I was having a realy good day . i had some students for my piano lessons. I just had a panic attack. It happens. I just needed some time to myself. “She said.

“Look hunnie its ok. You dont need to explain.”he said.”i feel bad. Its tough. ” she said.”i know that. Its ok. I realy do understand.  I am totaly suportive. You do what you need to do. I am hear for you. I am fine with that.  We will figure this out .”he told her.

“Ok! I know you are hear for me. I appreciate that. We will work on this. I do trust her. We will have to work on this.”she said. “We will figure it out. ” he assured her. 

“Ok. Thank you for being so agreeable to all this. Its meens alot.i want to let you in. ” she said.”i know that. ” he said.

She really liked him. She wanted to trust him. She was not there yet. She liked to feal with this on her own. She had her mom and family.she kept them on a tight lease as well. She wanted to deal with this on her own. That ment letting go on what she felt was all that was left of power.she felt like she lost her power. This she stil had. Could she give that up? Would she? It was not known yet. 

End of  part seven. 

End of sorrow part four

Andrew went home that night he felt tense. He felt strage. He felt a thousand different emotion. He went from happy to sad to regret to everything in between. He did not know what to do. He was very divided. 

Could he really move on? Could he forget leane. Did dating abby and mayby even marying her ment that he had to forget leane. He felt like he spent a life time with her. Even though she was gone, he had his memories.  Though he never maried her he felt like he had. If he maried abby, he would have to abandon all of it. Abby would be his wife. He wanted to hold on to his memories of leane. He could not if he maried her.

He was havily divided. He would keep turning in facebook. He kept staring at the pictures of him and abby. He was happy. Even at the Christian rock concert he was happy. He had found memories of that event. He had to turn off the screen. 

He ended up looking at a picture of him and leane. He looled at a photo album of them. It was going to leed into there early days of mariege. Od course that never happened. He felt so sad. He had to give that up as well. 

Abby went to her house. She was so sad. She was in love with him. She had been for a while. She had such a good day. She knew she had pushed so Manny of his buttons.  She realy cared about him. She had no idea what to do now. 

He was afraid to go to church the  next day. He knew he was going to be pummeled with questiones. He figured that he would be asked a milion questions even before he went to the newsboys concert.he would get more questions now. 

He knew that people cared about him. He kept to himself. He did not talk about his feelings but this was the church he had attended sense he was young. They watched him grow up. He wanted to figure this out on his own.

He wanted to figure this out all on his own. He had no idea how to do that. He considered playing hookie. He was teaching an adult high school and there was probably no one who could take over at such short notice. He would go. 

He saw his mom and dad as he went inside.”hi.” he said. “So when do we get to meet abby?” his mom asked.” i am not sure yet. ” he said.”we are looking froward to meeting her. ” his dad told him.

“Well we are just friends.  I am not sure it is going to materialize into anything.  “He said. 

“You dont like her as something more then feiends?”his mom asked.”i dont know. It seams like it is too soon. ” he said. ” we would love to meet her. ” his dad said.

He got a million questiones. From how he met her to does it see it leading to mariege. He did not say much. He dodged as much as he could but answered it a little bit. 

“Andy how was the concert?” pastor davis asked. “Not you too. It was good well the concert not so much.  I enjoyed the conpony. ” he said. 

“You dont to mourn foever. You are one expects you to stay single foever. Its ok to move on. ” the pastor said. “I know that. I envision that one day i will date again. I can even imagine getting maried.  Not now not yet. “He said.

“You only dated leane?”he asked.”yes. I did not plan it that way. Before we knew it we had been a couple basicaly for six years.” he said 

“Are you ok if abby maries someone else? ” he asked.  “I would like to say no but it would brother me. I could probably ajust. ” andrew said. “I would consider that long and hard. ” he said.

He drove home after church.  Of course abby got home at the same time he did. She wore jeens not a skirt.  He did not know if there was any significance to her wardrobe choice. 

“Hello. ” he said “hi andy.did you get a thousand questiones? ” she asked. “And thensome. Did you?”andrew asked. “I did.they arw a bit disturbed that you dont believe in speaking in tounges. They are also disrurbed by your view on eternal secuity. By the way i believe in eternal secuity.” she said. 

“That’s good to know. Otherwise you and i would probably get into a heated debate. ” he told her.  “I could see that. “She said. 

“Well i should be getting inside. “He told her. “Alright. Have a good afternoon.  ” she said.  They went there seperate ways.they went inside there homes. 

He felt prety good most of the day. He loved teaching Sunday school. The sermon in the morning had been very good.  Now he felt agitated. Abby made him feel a thousand different things. 

She loved being with him.when she was with him she did not want to be any where that he was gone she missed him.what was odd was that he was right there.  He was next door. 

She considered texting him.she considered asking him to join her outside. SHe did not do that.she decided that that was not a good idea. She stayed inside.  

She saw him leave for evening service. She waited for him to leave before she got in her car. Then when he was gone she went to her car. She headed off to her church. 

The service went good. He enjoyed the message.  The question about abby persisted.  People wondered when they would get to meet her. He dodged the questions mostly. He was uncomfortable with them but he hid that fact. 

After the service. “So did you talk to abby today?” his mom asked.”briefly. ” he answered.  “Planning any more ccm concerts?”his dad asked. “No i am not. ” he said. Of course he did not plan the last one. “You should bring her to some of our churches function.” she said. “She says she is willing to go. ” he said. “Invite her. Everyone wants to meet her. ” she said. “Perhaps i will. ” he said. 

Abby stayed after church.  She played basketball a bit. She talked to friends in the parking lot. She tried to avoid going home. She wanted to avoid seing him. 

She finaly headed home. She figured he would be long home by now. She just wanted a break. She wanted time to sort all this out. She drove slowly. She was in no hury to get home. She puled in to her drive way. His car was parked. She parked in her spot. 

She got out of the car. She walked to her apartment.  She got inside. She thought to herself that she had made it. She realized how silly she was. 

She was not sure how to proceed.  She really liked him. She wanted to one day marry him. He was clearly not interested right now. She was not sure if he would ever be. She was prety sure that he did not think that he would ever be ready.  She just wanted some time apart from him. 

Right now it looked like nothing was going to happen between those two. Things often changed. Perhaps it would hear. Time would tell. 

End of part four. 

“Panic attack ” part six 

Jack had wanted to be maried. He was not sure when he first decided that he wanted to be maried.  He had observed his parents.  They seamed to be closer today then they had ever been. 

He asked his mom about it once. She smilled. She said that it waa true. She was more in love with his farther today. She explaned to him that she knew him more now. They were more in love because they have let the other person more in there lives.  She said that love is a choice. You chose to love that person once but then you follow it up with smal chioces. 

 He asked his dad the same question. He did not even hesitate with his answer. “Yes!  I think i am more in love with your mom today then even a few days before.  Our relationship is more special today.” he said. 

 His parents had told him not to rush to find somone. Alow for God’s timing. Dont settle. Make sure that person is realy Gods will. Who you marry will impact everything else including future ministry.  He resolved not to rush ahead. 

That was not always easy. It ment waiting.  He figured he would meet someone at bible colege but that did not happen. He was tempted to rush ahead. He knew that whenever someone in scripture tried to rush ahead,it never turned out well. He waited. 

He graduated bible colege not meeting someone.he began to wounder if he would never meet someone.  Mayby he was called to be single. He really did not think that was the case. He knew he had to wait.he knew doing this Gods way was the best. His timing is always best. He was patcient even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. 

Then it all changed. The first time he saw Kristen, he got buterflies in his stomich. He did not fully understand it. He did not equate it with her being “the one”. The buterflies did not go away. 

He started to wonder if mayby she could be. When he was asked to back off he questoned it. For a while he thought that this was not the right time. Then he began to give up on her.

When her mom gave him permission to persue her, he felt free.  His sprit indicated that he was at liberty to persue her. While he never trusted his heart he did take account of everyrhing and concluded he could proceed.  The buterflies had never gone away. They were as strong as ever. 

“Hi there! ” he told her. She smiled. They went to the table. ” i am so glad you came.  ” she told him. “I am glad i came as well. ” he told her. 

“Will you give the blesing?”mrs grener asked jack. He said he would. He opened in prayer. There eyes met as he sat down. 

“Kristen cooked the ham. ” mrs grener asked. ” it is really good. ” he said. “You dont need kachup on anything ” kristin said “no i dont. ” he said. 

“So are you interested in being a pastor? ” mrs . grener asked. “I am. Right now i am really enjoying mentoring with my dad. My dad has let me done  a lot. I do want to pastor a church of my own. Right now i am realy happy hear. ” he said.

“We all enjoy your preaching and your Sunday school class. ” mrs grener said. “I learn a lot just in the preparation.  I enjoy preparing the surmons and lesson just as delivering them.”  he said 

“Have you always wanted to be a pastor? “Kristin asked. “Mostly! I went though a brief time i wanted to be a racecar driver. Even then i wanted to be a pastor at the same time. At a sumer camp right before my senior year i conmited myself to full time ministry. ” he said. 

“Was it a hard decison?” Kristin aaked. “Not when i finaly committed to it. I felt prompted for a while. When i did commit it was easy. “She said. 

After dinner. “Thank you so much for inviting me.” he said.”our pleasure.  We will have you over more i am sure. “Mrs. Grener said.”do you care to sit on the steps with me and talk?”she asked. “I would love to. “He said. They went outside and sat down. 

“I assume that my mom filled you in on everything.  ” she said.”she did. I am so sorry.  I had no idea. ” jack said. “As you can see the last few years have been very dificult. Are you alright with the rules mom satted?” Kristin asked. 

“I am . i respect you kristin. I will do whatever you need me to do. I understand that you need your space at times. I have no problem with that. ” he said.

“I had hope you would. I have some aditional stipulations . i really need you to agree to this.  ” she told him. 

” ok. What is it?” he asked her. “As my mom told you, i am prone to panic attacks and anxiety.  These attacks are many times unpredictable. They sometimes occur without warning.  When that happends, i wish to be alone. There are going to be times when i am going to rush out of the room. I would ask that you just let me go. I will catch up with you later. “She told him.

“Ok. I can do that. “He said. “I am sure as time goes on,we will develop a rhythm.  We will figure this out. For right now i would rather deal wih it alone. I know whats works.  I know what i need to do. “She told him. 

“I respect that.  I want you to be comfortible with me. I can ajust. “He said. “I am sory it has to be this way. I am high maintenance. “She said. 

“Its understandable.  You have been though things someone your age should not have to .i dont find you high maintenance.  ” he said.

“I was not always like this. I was bubbly.  I was very outgoing. I wish you could Meet that me. ” she said.”i cant believe that a bubbly outgoing person is not stil out there. Regardless it will all come together. “He said.

“What did mom tell you?” she asked. “Well she said that your dad was killed in a car acident. She said you were in a coma for a while and you had a dificult recovery time. “He said. 

“I remember getting hit. I woke up in a managed care facility. Mom and ash were at my side.  I had to relearn everything. I had to recover and mourn at the same time. “She said. 

“I cant imagine what that must have been like. “He said. “It was not easy. I had a really good suport system.  “She said. “You rose to the occasion.  “He said. “I tried. ” she said. ” so do you stil have pain?” he asked. “I do. Every day i have some level of pain. I can mostly bare it. I try to keep it quet. I try to be strong.  Ash and mom really wory about me. I dont want to further burden them. ” she said. 

He put his arm around her. She rested her head on her shoulder.  “Look i know that you have a really good suport system.  I would realy like to be a part of that suport syistom. I know you want to be brave and strong and you are brave. You dont have to be strong around me. Tell me how you are feeling. “He said.

“That is not easy for me. ” she told him. “I know. I can tell. I know i have to earn your trust. I understand your point of view. I respect it and i respect you. Please give me a chance. ” he said. “I will try. ” she said. 

“So where do you see yourself in five years?” she asked. “I would like to have started a church plant. Maybe pastoring an excisting church first. I would like to be married by then. Perhaps one child by then what about you?” he asked. 

“I would like to be married by then. A kid or two. I am open to be a pastor’s wife. I had not realy given it a lot of i am starting to. ” she told him. 

“Well i should be going. It is getting late. I had a good time today.”he told her.she smiled. “I did too. “She said.

He said good night to her mom. He thanked her again for his hospitality.  Kristin walked him to his car. “I have a good feeling about us kristin. ” he told her. “I do too. What is this kristin business? “She asked. “What do you meen?”he asked. “You usualy call me krissy. “She said.  ” i was not sure how you felt about it. “He said. “I am fine with it. ” she said. 

She hugged him. They said goodnight. He got into the car.she watched him drive off.

His family waa very curious how the night went. He hoped for time to process it. He knew that the whole family even the baby wanted to hear a full report on the dinner. He went inside. He was smiling.

 “How did things go”his mom asked.”it went very well. We are going to explore the posibility of courtship.  “He said. ” i suspected that that might be the case. “He said.he was excited. He knew that it would not be easy but he was excited to get to know her. 

End of part six.